Fated
by rthomasplover
Summary: Edward Human/Bella Vampire how would the love story work in the mist of a haunting past, a hostile present and an uncertain future... This is my first fanfic and I am very nervous TG4V . Please let me know if you like it & if you don't tell me 2.
1. Preface

**Twilight does not belong to me… this is just a parallel universe**

**Preface:**

"If all else perish and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem part of it"

Emily Bronte: Wuthering Heights. Ch.9

I stood in between the pass, the present and the future. I had to make a choice. Time had collided bringing my existence full circle. Would I have the strength to make the choice to protect the one I love? Would I be strong enough to stay away from his pull? Could I steal such a soul?

I searched his eyes, his features distorted by the pain that gripped his soul and there I found my answer. There was no place for me here, I shouldn't exist he deserved better than me. 'Forgive me Love.' My heart wanted to scream.

Would I become the servant of the monster to keep his humanity intact, I kissed his trembling lips, his translucent eyes and his flushed cheeks and turned my back. The darkness will embody my existence once more.

"I will never forgive you, if you leave I will haunt you forever. I am dead without you." With those words I was frozen in place, the agony in his voice pierced through my every being.


	2. The inexplicable pull

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight this is just an alternate universe

Song by Alexz Johnson: White Lines

Album from Instant Star

Chapter 1- the inexplicable pull

Alice and I ran through the Amazon forest somewhere in Brazil just to run. The freedom was thrilling, Alice ran full force trying to keep pace with me if we were humans she would have been gasping for air. But her limps were as indestructible and as strong as mine. The smell of a couple of jaguars had caught my attention and I crouched in my hunting position, I let the animal runaway from me allowing myself a few minutes to play with my food. I caught it easily and lifted the animal by his neck he lashed his claws at me and with his teeth bared he growled defiantly but in my hands he was as helpless as his prey was usually to him. I dug my teeth into his neck enjoying the warm somewhat desirable blood that filled my body, and I felt sluggish when I finished him off, he had been the third one I had drained today.

"Izzy why are you so greedy today?" Alice asked watching me from the highest tree; I climbed the tree quickly and sat on the branch next to her.

"I love jaguar. We don't come to south American nearly enough," I lied easily I was really trying to work through anxiety I was feeling.

"Why are so tense, you only hunt this way when you are anxious." Alice knew me better than anyone, I sighed because it was useless keeping things from her.

"I don't know I've been thinking about moving." I had suppressed a desire that had been tearing at me for weeks but I couldn't form the words to express or explain the pull that was tugging at my being.

"Is it because you have been thinking about going back to Forks?" Alice asked the question had been on her mind for weeks, but she had suppressed her curiosity trying to give me the privacy I barely gave her.

"I don't know, I feel like it's time to go back and it's always felt more like home than any other place for me. I feel pulled to Forks." I couldn't explain the attraction the inconsequential little town not even to myself.

"Rosalie won't be happy and Emmett likes Seattle more but we are all going." Alice assured me

Our family was very supportive of each other; we had come to South America because of Carlisle desire to help a small village deep in the Amazon forest that was being wiped out by malaria and yellow fever. The situation was severe and the authorities had decided to let the little village die closing them in by placing permanent armed guards around their borders.

A close friend of Carlisle informed him of the situation, a vampire that did not refrain from human blood but she loved her jungle and this particular village was once her home. Zafrina was a tall dark beauty her manner was almost animalistic but her uncivilized ways were easily over looked by her warm personality. She traveled with two others female vampires, Kachiri and Senna.

Carlisle was not easily received by the villagers because unlike the world outside the Mapuchen's believed in Vampires. But after many pleading discussions with the chief and having been around to save his son's life. Carlisle was allowed in the village under constant watch, once in getting the needed medicine was simple since we owned a major pharmaceutical company. The guards were easily bribed and if any got restless Emmett would have fun freighting them nearly to death.

We all took on different diversions, Esme build us a home in the island Carlisle bought her for her birthday in the South of Brazil, and Rosalie planned her next wedding. Jasper and Emmett made lists of all the animals the wanted to hunt. Emmett took to wrestling anaconda's every day. Alice designed the family's new wardrobe and Rosa helped putting them together.

I learned all the languages in the area, learned to play their instruments and watched from the trees as the people lived their lives. I wrote dozens of journals sitting above them, listening and learning. I painted the many facets of their day. The faces of their children as they grew healthier, their smiling faces, the mothers holding them tight. At night I placed many of them in their homes as they slept and they sent their gratitude through Carlisle.

We spend the last week in the Amazons putting together all of the forgeries we needed to move to Forks, we researched the population to see if any of the people that knew us the last time we lived there were still around. We had not gone back to forks in almost 70 years and although humans usually dismissed us as soon as we disappeared it was a necessary prevention to take. My access to their thoughts was extremely useful and if anyone would suspect us we would leave the town fading into their memories as a passing nightmare.

Carlisle sent his resume over to the small town hospital and the administrator accepted his offer right away, Carlisle held many specialties but he could only practice one at a time and this time he opted for being a surgeon volunteering at the ER three times a week. Esme was going to focus on restoring a 200-year-old house that had become our home when I purchased it three weeks before our departure. The home restoration project would not be a problem for seven vampires that never slept and contractors were not necessary when each of us could easily lift the house and balance it on our fingertips.

Rosalie took on Jasper's last name; they would become the Whitlock twins. Emmett and I took Alice's last name and we became the Brandon kids. Carlisle was Doctor Whitlock acting as adopted parent and Esme his loving wife. He was uncle to the twins their golden hair and similar vampire features were enough to convince the humans that they looked alike. Emmett, Alice and I became foster children that the Whitlock couple had adopted.

"What are your predictions?" Jasper asked Alice as we arrived at Forks.

"Lots of rain." She beamed at him

"Even I can see that." Emmett laughed

They joked playfully and threw jabs at each other as we drove through the town in our moving truck. Something that was only for show since all of our belongings were already in the house, we moved it by night to get it done faster. Moving about six hundred years of belongings was no small task.

I sat quietly reflecting on the unexplainable pull that this place held for me, in 400 years I had never felt such a pull. I had grown bored and things barely raised my interest, I found my distractions but my heart was lonelier with each passing minute. My family grew they each found their eternal mate, I felt no such attraction in me for neither human or immortal in centuries

As we stop at stop sign I heard a voice whisper my name. "Isabella Swan, meet Us in the meeting place of the treaty after dark" The unfamiliar voice said.

My entire family heard the whispered demand and they all sat in alert, Emmett was tensed for a fight and Jasper planned our chances of winning automatically keeping Alice from the fight.

"Understood" I answered.

I explained to our family that the more cautious and powerful people of La Push had become aware of our presence and needed to remind us of the rules. My family had grown considerably since the last time we were in Forks and I could hear in the boy's mind the concern of the Elders of his tribe, but he was confident in his packs strength.

After dark we traveled to the woods between Forks and La Push right at the border, three big boys waited flanking each other in their human form but I could hear in the woods that more were hidden surrounding us in case of a fight.

"Your coven is much larger." Jacob Black's voice was calm but in his mind he searched for a way to save as many of his brothers as he could if a fight became inevitable.

"Yes." I simply answered. Jacob noticed that everyone that flanked me was paired up except for me and despite the fact that I was a leech in his mind he began to feel pity for me his mind being flooded with images of his own happiness.

"Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle." I motioned with my hand to each new member of my family, my voice I realized sounded dead, and Alice mentally grimaced at my dismissive attitude.

Rosalie beamed thinking that I was jealous of her, Jasper was feeling my annoyance directed at her and was calculating how long it would take me to rip her head off. Emmett was simply too bored to care I had already lectured him about the treaty and he was planning to attack Jasper on the way home. Esme and Carlisle were concern about my well being as always they were afraid I was in some sort of immortal depression, it was incredible how attuned their mind were to each other.

I listen to the others too; their minds were very much like Carlisle and Esme. they thought in synchronization together as one mind and they also thought individually, suddenly I was listening to their minds more than Jacobs's words. Jacob was the only one that seemed to communicate with both the humans and the wolves. Their mental abilities had grown as much as their ability to have more wolves in a pack. Some wondered why that was; the younger wolves Colin and Seth I think we're excited about the possibility of a fight. Seth also wandered about how it would be to have a Vampire friend. I smiled at him distracted and he smirked at me shyly. Thinking she's "cute" and his brothers all mentally gagged. I stopped looking his way when they all ganged up against him some cursing him out for the mental pictures.

'Isabella' Alice mentally yelled at me noticing that I no longer concentrated on spoken voices but their minds. Our abilities were kept secret from the Quileute tribe.

"Okay if the speech is over. Than we are leaving, the deal is intact and we promise not to bite anyone." Alice spoke in her singsong voice

A growl came from one of the hidden wolves and Jasper crouched in his attack position in front of Alice. The young man next to Jacob rolled his eyes and thought 'Paul man, shut up' in frustration at his volatile brother. Jacob stared at Alice grudgingly and I stepped forward immediately forcing a smile on my face to smile reassuringly at him.

"She means no harm. She loves humans, trust me." Jacob Black backed away from my smile, signaled his brothers and they were off running.

I stared at her in disbelieve. "What was that Alice?" I asked angrily.

She shrugged and danced out of the clearing but I could hear what she didn't say out loud she had done it to take their notice of my distraction. Ah Alice was my perpetual savoir she was my creator, she made me first than Esme, followed years later by Rosalie and Emmett. She saved each of us from death and from terrible human pain. Carlisle and Jasper came in to our family later.

Alice was by all means the Leader of our family or Covent but she had no patience for politics, she asked me to take over the negotiations with the shape shifters from the first time we encountered Efrain Black 70 years before.

That night we went over our plan I was very distant I had lost myself in vastness of my own mind, only paying attention with a very small part of my mind;. Alice was excited about the clothing she had prepared, the guys planned the hunting schedule and Rosalie was thinking of herself. I wanted to explore the town I needed to go, the town called to me. When Emmett, Rose, Carlisle and Esme headed to their respective bedrooms. I headed for the door but Alice stopped me pulling me with her into the couch.

"Do you remember how I longed to find Jazz and how long it took for the vision to clear" I could see in her mind as she remembered her blurry visions of Jasper. The mate she longed for and searched for. She knew his voice even before hearing it; she loved him before he even understood what love was. For him it was clear the moment he laid his crimson eyes on her that she was the very reason for his existence. We found him in Mexico City in the middle of a never ending war that has consumed the south for too many years, where greed, hatred, anger and vendettas' rule. Jasper had lived in a life of constant mayhem, never letting his guard down, when I arrived at the villa like fortress where he resided with his creator Maria, he attacked me without much thought and with skilled movements he was able to sink his teeth in to my arm leaving a crescent reminder permanently marking my arm. I rubbed the teeth marks as I took this involuntary trip through Alice's mind I couldn't understand what she was trying to convey through her memories.

'You are as beautiful as I knew you would be.' Alice spoke in a dream like voice in her memory, as she appeared minutes after me dancing her way to the scene Jasper automatically froze under the enormity of the love she carried within herself for him. That was the first time I experienced jasper's gift, Alice's presence sent his frantic mind into tranquility, and in her he found the antidote to the depression that had tormented him for centuries. Maria order Jasper to attack Alice repetitively and in a moment of insanity she launched herself at him her mind wild with frustration but before she could lay a hand on him Alice held her dismembered head in her hand. Maria was a pile of ashes in seconds that day and never remembered until this moment.

"Thank you, for saving me." Jasper whispered from the windows, love rolled out of him in waves showering her and filling the room with the warmth of it. Jasper loved her with much more intensity than that first day. My heart ached painfully inside of me because I would never know such love again. My family was filled with couples that were eternally committed to each other, each loved differently Emmett and Rosalie are more expressive, Carlisle and Esme were true love personified. But Jasper and Alice had the kind of love that both humans and immortals dreamed of, they completed each other, they made each other whole. Their love was full of mutual understanding, love, passion and unwavering desire. She smiled at her mate as his eyes burned through her as he stared at her reflection on the back windows. I cleared my throat feeling very uncomfortable with the passion that was about to explode around me. I felt how lonely I was, how the cold of my existence would never change because I would never feel the warmth of passion again. I kept my face normal but my emotions gave me away. Jasper apologized leaving the room in a blur to keep me from feeling his anxiety to have his wife to himself.

"I know that you can't understand but, don't be frighten Isabella what you are feeling has a reason. Then she allowed me to see a ghost a smile placed a crossed my face. In her vision He held me, it was murky and out of focus. It's getting clear like with Jasper."

"Don't show me things like that! Don't look through my future. Alice I told you that it would never happen. He is gone. "I pushed away from her kicking the couch across the length of the long room. I did not want to stay to hear what she had to say or to look at her face. I just lunched myself running full speed toward the endless woods. Exploring would have to wait now I needed to ease my mind.


	3. Unfathomable

**Twilight:**** Does not belong to me; this is just my imagination run away with me.**

**Author's note:**** I am sorry it has taken so long to post the new chapter. This week has been very busy between my two jobs, some final papers and trying desperately to have a life. I haven't had the time to be able to correct my many mistakes. I have no beta at this time only a handful of friends that read every little thing I write and correct some of my dreadful grammar. I do hope that I can somehow entertain some of you with my story without looking like an indecipherable fool. Please please review. I would like to know how you like or dislike the tone of the story, I will also take all of your suggestions and opinions into consideration when rechecking my story, most of it is already written but nothing is set in tone. I will also in the next few weeks post a small background on Bella's human life, her date of birth, her parents and the date she was turned. **

**Please enjoy the next chapter I do warn you that some of it may be a little unnerving because it will be hard to comprehend because it is very emotionally charged and most of it will only make sense as the story progresses. **

* * *

**Quote: "And I pray one prayer—I repeat it till my tongue stiffens—Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living; you said I killed you – haunt me then! The murders DO hunt their murderers, I believe. I know that ghost HAVE wandered on earth. Be with me always. Take any form—drive me mad! Only DO not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, GOD! It is unutterable! I CANNOT live without my life! I CANNOT live without my soul!"**

**-Wuthering Heights**

**Speech made by Heathcliff after Catherine's death**

**Chapter 2: ****Unfathomable: **

**un·fath·om·a·ble** (ŭn-fā_th_'ə-mə-bəl) adj. 1) Difficult or impossible to understand; incomprehensible: _unfathomable theories._ 2) Difficult or impossible to measure: _the unfathomable depths._

** (Definition by ) **

Song: I'll be seeing you

By: Billie Holiday

I ran the entire night trying not to feel just letting my instincts take me, I ran far from the human populous I only turned around when I reached the Canadian border. I hunted on the way back not for hunger but for the sport, I found a mountain lion on the way home and drained it slowly. I headed back to the house as the sun rose above the cloud cover. Arriving with enough time to get ready and get going trying to avoid uncomfortable moments with my family. Esme was to my dismay waiting for me her motherly thoughts reached me before she could sense I was close; she was debating on how to console me. Esme loved each and every one of us as her children; we had become the substitutes she needed. 'What should I say? She fretted in her mind, 'my poor child, she needs so much love, she deserves love, and there must one such as Carlisle out there for her.'

I chuckled darkly to myself because I knew there was no possibility of that ever happening, I had many suitors in my four hundred years and not once had I ever considered anyone. Love was dead for me and it died even before I became what I am now. My immortal mother paced impatiently, waiting by the glass doors and I considered avoiding her but I had learn to love Esme and respect her as my mother, she was nothing like my human mother but she resembled Marie. I wrote about her in my human journals more than anyone besides… I stopped the thought short because although he was lost in murky human memories I could not even hundreds of years later form the words to his name. His name was impossibly painful for me even just thought; I avoided every thought of him like the plague.

"Hi mom, I'm home." Esme's face brighten up as she saw me enter the house her mind filled with so much love for me that it made me feel guilty that I worried her.

She opened her arms wide for me; I walked in to her embrace fully. 'You will be happy little one; you deserve it more than anyone I know'. The way she regarded me was more than I ever deserved, I was a killer, a selfish murderer and this purgatory was my punishment.

"Now go get ready for school, you cannot be late." She demanded sweetly still holding me tight. When she released me I gave her a sincere smile, which appeased her worry a little at least she felt that she had fulfilled her motherly role. I went to my bedroom getting ready quickly then headed to the garage where my family waited for me.

"It's about time." Rosalie grumbled angrily.

"Why can't I take my Porsche?" Alice greeted me by showing me the future that she had just seen. It was me denying her access to her brand new yellow Porsche that I bought her for her birthday. 'I want to drive it!' she whined mentally. I shook my head no just as she saw it in her vision.

"Well why not!" Alice asked stomping her little foot creating a small crater on the floor.

"We must remain inconspicuous, and that car calls too much attention." I answer signaling for her to get in the car and she growled at me baring her teeth, Jasper held her hand and smiled at me. Our garage was filled with an array of cars that would make any car enthusiast feel like they have entered their own Disneyland. I personally owned and Aston Martin not that it mattered much to me; it was a gift from Alice of course. To fit better in Forks I purchased a silver Volvo in Seattle with enough room to fit all of us. Alice grumbled as she sat her stubborn little hide in the back between Rosalie and Jasper, Emmett sat in the passenger seat up front with me.

Rose and Emm were thinking a little loudly about the night before, I tried to tune them out but the louder I hummed in my head the louder they thought. "Okay, Enough!" I yelled at Emmett as he remembered a little too clearly Rosalie under his massive body. Rosalie guessed where her husband's mind was, and laughed at me. She mentally cursed my ability. 'peeping tom' she thought accusingly. I turned to stare at her and Emmett stared between us bemused.

"Don't listen if you don't like it." Rosalie said smugly than shot her husband a meaningful smile too candid for company.

"I would if you weren't both shouting at me!" I stared at her full of anger.

Emmett laughed finally understanding the argument his gorgeous wife and I were having, with his huge bear sized paw he ruffled my hair.

"Ahhhh. I'm sorry Bells. Rose makes me I'm nuts sometimes, it's almost impossible not to be lustful. But don't worry kiddo. It will happen to you too." My big bother commented in the usual child like honesty he always used. I did love him but he loved and knew how get under my skin.

'Ha! I wish she needs to get laid.' Rosalie thought; I ignored her mental commentary the rest of the way.

Emmett of course was much harder to ignore he openly teased me the rest of the way to school. I was his favorite subject 'the vampire virgin' he called me. I punched Emm roughly in the gut and the rest of my family laughed out loud, except for Rosalie who growled menacingly. 'I wish she would' I though.

When the Volvo was safely parked, my family and I took a moment to prepare, taking in the scents of the students outside. A hint of something appetizing stir the air but only for me, the others found nothing too challenging. As we walked through the parking lot and school to the office the hum of voices grew more and more; the town would be buzzing for weeks about our entrance in to their society but eventually we would just become a reason for whispered gossip. They all noticed that my brothers and sisters were all tied to each other, both sets couples walking at my sides. The admiration filled the halls but instinctively the student body kept their distance. I caught the faint scent again and it filled my body with thrilling adrenaline, 'wow what is that' I thought it was like pure ecstasy. Jasper caught my mood and began calming me with his ability, but the scent had not sent me thirsty in a vampire way but a human way. Desire filled by entire being but venom did not flow to my tongue baffled Jasper raised his eyebrows at me but I just shrugged it off.

After getting our lecture, schedule and wide-eyed welcome in the principal's office, we all went our separate way, Emm, Rose and Jazz had most of their classes together. Alice and I would have six period Spanish class together. To me reliving high school was my well deserved torture, my punishment for all the things I had done. The first four periods of the day were a blur, in each class after every introduction, I took in each person's metal voice, endure their stares and sat down in which ever seat was assigned to and casually read the thoughts around me. 'Nothing new' I thought their minds were very generic, shallow pools. A very few minds caught my attention a girl named Angela, a boy named Ben and another her mind that was very unique but as much as part of me wanted to explore it the rest was in a apathetic stupor.

When I entered music class I sat quietly in an empty seat in the back of the classroom. The class was filled with chattering children and no teacher. I put my head down feigning exhaustion. Then abruptly a soft voice entered the classroom he was saying goodbye to someone, I kept my head down but my body stiffened to the faint familiar voice; a voice I had not heard in over 400 years. 'Stopped it Isabella Swam' I reprimanded myself, how many times had I not done that in the beginning, I replayed his voice over and over not to lose it in my new infallible mind.

"Who is that?" he whispered to a girl whose mind clouded over the moment he walked over to her.

"The new girl, Isabella something." She sneered my name; I read the growing jealousy in her mind because of my beauty and of each member of my family.

"Thanks Jessica." The man politely answered.

I heard each step as he took in the direction of my still form, his warm touch penetrated over my jacket sending shivers through my back as if an electric current ran through my dormant veins.

"Hello I'm Mr. Cullen, I'm covering for the music teacher." I lifted my head but kept my eyes on the table. 'It is his voice' I looked up holding my breath.

Mr. Cullen's eyes went wide when he took me in, I stared at him with incredulous eyes, I opened my mind to read his but it was silent, not even a whisper ran from it. Than I allowed myself to really look at the man that stood before me, his eyes were bright-jeweled emeralds, the natural pout of his lips, his face was like poetry, notes to a beautiful melody my mind involuntarily composed its symphony . I tried to remain calmed but my dead heart protested as I took in his perfection. He had me hypnotized with his deep wise eyes, not just the eyes of the present but also the eyes of the past.

"Mr. Cullen." Called the vile girl Jessica, her tone tinted with annoyance.

Her nasal voice took his eyes from mine, I automatically and instinctively I turned my eyes on her with and a possessive feeling that came over me as I read her thoughts. 'He is so hot, oh my God how could he even look at her. Ewww I guess she is pretty but ugh she looks crazy' I saw the predator in me through her mind as her heart sped in fear and I composed myself 'my family I thought' freeing the child from my gaze. Mr. Cullen had not moved his hand which was resting about an inch from my face, I allowed a puff of his scent into my lungs and it sent me spiraling in pleasure. He smelled like the most delicious, succulent forbidden fruit. My body already tense danced in the pure bliss screaming for a taste. I inhaled a little deeper taking in his scent in slowly memorizing it. 'Yummy such deliciousness' my inner monster thought but the humanity buried within screamed in me shaking and trying to break free from the shackles I placed on my heart.

"You're Isabella?" His voice sounded more than polite he was truly curious.

"Isabella Marie Brandon." I answered my voice reflected the desire that filled me; it came out seductive unintentionally attracting all of the boys in the room.

In his green eyes I could not read if I had the same affect on him, but his heart raced almost sprinted within him as I spoke. His breathing spiked before he controlled himself; in return I involuntarily smiled my ghost smile watching his face redden as he took it in.

"Wow" a boy whispered to another as he watched my face light up. I watched myself through the boy's mind incredulously at my easy smile. Mr. Cullen unwillingly turned away from me tripping on the chair in front of him. I tensed if he had not found his balance it would take me a forth of a second to catch him. 'Look at the idiot, mesmerized just like everyone else' the girl sitting next to Jessica thought towards the angel. I gripped the table welding my body in place, because my first instinct was to break every bone in her body.

For the next 20 minutes I watched his every movement intently, his long fingers as the stroke the piano keys as he spoke of his favorite song for the upcoming play which he was directing. I memorized the way his lips moved with every word, I tuned out the teenagers around me because of their hormonally immature thoughts of him and found myself acting like one of them. I heard Alice's clear mind

"Izzy, how do you feel? The student teacher looks like." I growled low at her but she heard me. "Sorry…but he is fascinating inst he? You can't hear him? Right. His mind is different." Her mind filled with a million questions, I was listening to her mental with such intensity that his voice startled me. Alice also warned me that he was speaking to me. He had bent down to look at me.

"Isabella?" he called my name perplexed in a form of a question. His breath blew on my face his scent entering my system undiluted.

"Yes?" I asked dazed.

"Do you play any instruments?"He asked his voice filled with undeniable curiosity

"Yes."I simply answered.

"Which one?" he asked with picked interest.

I pointed several instruments before realizing I made a mistake in choosing so many. 'Oh come on! Man I hate this freaking girl.' Jessica thought. I had mastered every single instrument in the room and loved a few of them; his green eyes went wide as he brought a finger to press against his full lips. I nearly growled at his unconscious seductive movements.

"Play for us. Please." He requested gesturing to the piano.

"Okay I agreed." Unthinkingly.

I walked over to the piano bemused by the fact that I actually accepted to play as easily as I did.

"What should I play?" I asked sitting on the bench.

"Let the keys guide you." He suggested and I obeyed.

I tested each keys allowing my fingers to find their way through the melody. I heard as my entire family gasped in surprise as they all began to pay close attention, I haven't played the piano in ages. At first the music was jubilant, like young undeveloped heart swimming in love. The music progressed to a more mature complicated mixture of melodies, confusion, desire, pain and love colored this part. This composition was way of mourning, of crying the tears that my body did not produce any longer. The sweet moments expressed passion like no other enveloped in true love, then came the abrupt sadness, the anger, hope, than pain and more pain the last note rang in purest agony. I bowed my head down letting the last note down my aching chest, I felt impossibly exhausted.

"What is it called?" his voice was amazed and full of feeling.

"Benjamin to the son of my joy and sorrow" I answered the name and title almost chocked me on the way out, my breathing was ragged and his scent scrapped the back of my throat.

"Did you write it?" His pained voice pierced through me as I heard the awe in his question. What is he feeling admiration, ridicules I am not worthy of it.

I looked up searching for his eyes; they were filled with pooling tears, the light on them intensified by the moister forming in them. I was trapped in their depts. As if he could read my mind understanding colored him. He understood without words that the music was my own. He took a deep breath as if to steady himself and I took the moment he released me to take in the empty classroom.

"Everyone has left?"I asked

"Yes the bell rang a couple of minutes ago, but I couldn't make myself stop you." He confessed and pulled up his lips in an apologetic grin, I couldn't help but smile. I was feeling very human, I wished that I could cry or even scream with the unbearable confusion that griped me but I kept up a calm exterior as I went to pieces inside.

"There you are. I knew I would find you here." The soft musical voice came from a tall young girl with bronze curly hair and deep green eyes. She had a heart shaped face, full lips and a very slim figure; she was stunning by any human standard. Her eyes appraised Mr. Cullen and I facing each other as she entered the classroom, I read her very unique mind and it was a strange sensation to do so. Her mind had not just a mental voice but it projected images of memories as if reliving a scene but from her perspective. She wondered why her brother looked shaken, and why his eyes were tinged with a strange sort of awe. I could see that she saw beauty in me but she perceived much more, she saw ancient loss and sadness.

"Hi" She let her lovely hand reach out for mine but I was stunted by her perceptive mind. Her eyes were fierce with pity or understanding; I didn't stay long enough to find out.

"Sorry, I must go. It was nice to meet you both. I'm late for my Spanish class." My words were rushed and my nervousness was obvious. The young girl smiled her lovely dimpled smile at me, moving to the side to let me pass.

"Good luck!" Mr. Cullen shouted after me, I looked back briefly wishing I could read his mind.

I ran out of the school impossibly shaking with a mixture of pain, joy, guilt, confusion and the emotions kept piling up. All that I had suppressed for approximately three and a half centuries were all hitting me simultaneously. When I reached the safety of the woods I had to crouch to hold myself together, I was falling apart ; all the years I spent trying to remember, than trying to forget came down on me. Myself loathing became agonizing, the torture of that night I made my discovery came back, I howled like an animal being skinned alive, I pulled at my hair as an insane person I shook my head. 'Impossible' my mind screamed 'it's impossible. It can't be! Why?'

"Williaaaaaaam!" I shrieked. "Why, don't haunt me now love. Please not now. Forgive me." I cried out loud, knowing that an actual answer was impossible; I had never gotten a response. I called for him for so long, I plead, prayed, begged until my tears were all gone and even in my immortality I searched for him. "I let you go! I let you GO!" I dropped my body to the floor. "Oh, how I longed to see you again. Those eyes, his lips, his voice are they yours? My love. Oh Will please forgive me." I felt darkness come over me, and I tried to keep it from engulfing me, in the distance I could hear Alice running towards me. Her mind was filled with concern, and wild with visions. Many different futures flashed before her because my mind was full of choices, of confusing excruciating choices.

The only thing that was clear on both our frantic minds was that life would irrevocably change from this moment on; my entire existence was turned upside down.


	4. Memories

**Chapter 4: Memories**

**Twilight: Belongs to Stephanie Meyer. This is just an alternate universe**

**Author's note:**

**I am very sorry for the delay; I want to make this chapter perfect. I know it has not reached perfection but it is much better than before. I hope you all like the events of this chapter, it can be a little confusing at times but the story will get clearer as I post more. I will try to have chapter four up by the weekend. So far I really like this chapter most because it gives us a small profile of Bella's past. Below I'm posting a small breakdown of some of Bella's lineage.**

**Author's note:**

I am very sorry for the delay; I want to make this chapter perfect. I know it has not reached perfection but it is much better than before. I hope you all like the events of this chapter, it can be a little confusing at times but the story will get clearer as I post more. I will try to have chapter four up by the weekend. So far I really like this chapter most because it gives us a small profile of Bella's past. Below I'm posting a small breakdown of some of Bella's lineage.

Birth Name: Isabella Marie Swan

Human Birth: March 7, 1590

Turned: March 10, 1609 (three days from her 19th birthday)

Father: Count Charles Swan III (Son of a Italian Count and a British Mother/ He was a kind hearted man but was weak willed and tied down by the rules of his position in society)

Mother: Renee Dubois Swan (Married Charles because of an arranged marriage/ A heartless selfish harpy.)

Governess: Marie (Isabella's maternal figure and supporter of her love for William)

Married: April 18th 1607 (a month and a few days after her 17th birthday)

*Isabella has been a Vampire for over 400 years; Alice turned her three days shy of her 19th birthday.

**This is all for now more will come in the next chapters. I will feature William and Edward next chapter.

***Please review let me know what I've done wrong and what you liked. I value your criticism very much because it will give me some insight on your expectations for the things to come. I promise in return to take each into consideration as I write the chapters, as I have said before the story is mostly laid out; nothing is written in stone. The future is very subjective, ever changing lady. The only one that is constant is lady or Mr. Destiny, there is no changing that; only the course of the journey.

Thank you a million times to those who chose to give me a chance, I am truly honored.

**Chapter three: ****Memories**

**"O coward conscience, how dost thou afflict me!"**

**King Richard III (V, iii, 179)**

**Speech by King Richard after a dream where he is confronted by ten ghosts, in his dream he is haunted by the souls of those he killed to reach his status as king. **

"Bells, Bells!" Alice called out to me shaking my frozen form. I couldn't cry but I was curl up on the forest floor crying inhuman tears. His image, his eyes, his smile, and his laughter played in my memory over and over again.

When I became a vampire I worked hard to keep every single detail, but the memories were murky, dark and I always lost his face in my new mind. I was desperate to keep my memories alive and against Alice's wishes I went back to my old home and stole my journals. William was in each page from the age of 11years old till the day of my human death. Even after my transformation, in my new life, I wrote about him for years keeping each detail I could muster, I read my journals like a woman gone mad until I memorized every detail of his face. I could recall everything written word per word. William was in my every thought, whether if it was to express frustration, anger or love; he was my reason for writing, he was my whole reason for living.

I was very young when father first brought him home and a very selfish child; I did not want to share my papa with anyone. I was very cruel to him, never speaking to him and when mother was cruel I watched in silence while she tortured him with verbal and physical abuse. He never once protested or cried out in pain; he would simply endure it quietly. Papa loved him very much and at night William would sit at papa's feet, curling up like a 'dog' mama use to say. For three years my attitude towards William continued the same, fueled by my mother's hatred of me; Renee had never loved me, never showed me love or even consideration, but when William came home she spend more time with me. Filling my mind with venom she convinced me that William would steal everything that belonged to me. "I guarantee that Charles will leave him everything and that dirty little gypsy will throw us into the streets" Mother would say. She filled my head with the possibility that my Papa and Marie loved him more than they loved me and as a result of her influence I was very angry with him.

Marie on the other hand always tried to teach me to be polite, generous and good hearted; everything my mother did not approve off. I stubbornly refused to feel anything but abhorrence for him. William on the other hand was caring, gentle and protective of me. He never uttered a word to anyone but father; Every time Papa went on a long trip he would make Will promise to take care of me and William always gave his word that he would. William always seemed to be there when I fell to pick me up or keep me from falling; he would settle my horse and he would ride by my side. When mother was in one of her many anger drunken fits and she wanted to lash out at me, William would hide me and take the lashes for me. I started to feel grateful to him for always taking care of me but mother always reminded me that papa love him more than me. "Charles prefers that fitly boy over you, because he is male and you aren't. Charles says that he is also much smarter than you." She would whisper to me. "Marie loves that child more than you I see, hasn't left his side since went and got himself ill." She once whispered sweetly in my ear. I was convinced that it was true that I was going to be lonely since I knew Renee did not love me, Papa and Marie were all I had.

The first time he spoke to me was because I took a lash of my mother's whip for him; mother was screaming how useless he was, telling him to disappear, to die and he just stood there, dead motionless, taking it all without a word. I sat in a chair pretending to read instead I watched him and without a second thought I launched myself from my seat in front of her whip. She hit my arm tearing my dress, the pain was instantaneous but I search for his eyes, they were shocked, grateful, and alive, the green was marvelously mesmerizing. "Are you hurt?" he asked breathlessly, I only nodded and smile relieved beyond words that he was unharmed.

"You stupid child!" Mother yelled pulling my hurt arm, the pain was unbearable as she squeezed it tight, I squirmed screaming in pain, and Marie was suddenly standing between my mother's cruel intentions and me. Marie was full of fury "Unhand that child" Marie growled. She held my mother back fiercely holding her arms away from me. I had never seem Marie's face contorted in so much anger, defiance colored her beautiful face and she pleaded politely once she composed herself but there was an underlining threat in her plead not to harm me. "Madame please, you must be tire. Harming the girl won't change anything."My mother shook her off and walked out mumbling incoherently. I was checked over by an anxious Marie on the edge of tears but I kept my eyes on William who was still watching me from a chair eyes ablaze.

The sharpness of the memories were shocking, it was mind numbing, it engulfed me whole, my body was on the forest floor my arms wrapped around my legs rocking back and forth I wanted to return but my mind had traveled back to a life my vampire mind refused, erased and repelled. "William!" I howled tilling me head back in anguish. Alice wrapped her tiny hands around me instantly, her right hand sooth my back as I broke into pieces. Everything I had lost, had come back to haunt me and I was feeling over 400 years of agony.

Another memory hit, I was 14years old and William had been gone for four years attending university. I waited anxiously sitting with Marie in the kitchen jumping up and down in nervous excitement.

"Marie, will he like me?" I asked straightening my bran new dress.

"Of course child." My nanny Marie was beautiful, with a heart shaped face, full lips hazel eyes that looked exotic against her light skin and dark brown hair. Marie was more a mother to me than Countess Renee had ever been. She loved me, took care of me and she taught me everything I needed to learn. How to write, how to read and I always felt a sense of home when she was around me.

"In his last letter he didn't say that he misses me." I pouted. Marie laughed and shook her head.

In my time I was not a just14year girl old but a young adult, William was 18 years old and very smart. My father sent him off to school when he found out that Will had taught himself to read; we secretly read all of Father's books; we would sneak into father's library after everyone had been to bed. William had an exceptional intelligence, he learned quickly more so than myself and he excelled in school earning the praise of his professors and the hatred of some of his more privileged school mates. He made a few close friends but he never deviated from writing me daily, we spoke of everything, I only omitted my love for him; a love he was unaware off.

I was replaying every word the passed between us in our letters looking for clues that he might feel the same for me; I had decided that I needed to let him know because Mama had been pestering me to marry. As you can imagine I was very upset for she had decided her cousin Laurent was the one I would marry once I was sixteen and Papa had no reason to protest. Laurent was wealthy, educated and blue blood but I protested and cried to no avail.

I heard the thud of horses galloping towards the house and I ran full force towards the sound. I screeched to a halt in the front room and sat down picking up a book pretending to read.

"What are you doing?" Marie asked cleaning her hands on her apron walking in from the kitchen heading to open the door.

"I don't want him to know I have been waiting impatiently for his arrival." I said in a very serious voice. I wanted William to see how I had changed from a child to a woman; a woman he love and marry.

Father was the first to walk in greeting Marie warmly, I held myself in my chair patiently waiting. William walked in he was no longer a scrawny, too tall boy. He was the most handsome man I had ever seen; his skin was darker and his eyes looked more than enticing against it. His shoulders were broad and his posture was straight and gentlemanly. I could feel as if my heart was getting ready to pound its way out of my chest. I gawked feeling extremely ordinary, I was too skinny a little curvy but not enough to be called a woman. I looked over at Marie who's beautiful curves showed through her wore attire and I felt like sinking in my chair.

"Where is Isabella?" Father asked his eyes still on Marie. William's eyes had already found me, his smile blinded me, and it was the most glorious sight in the world for me.

I knew I loved him by the age of 12, but now I was convinced I completely adored him, I stood up as gracefully as I could manage smoothing my dress and I walked slowly with my head bowed over to my father's side.

"Hello Angel. Did you miss me?" Father asked picking my face up.

"Yes Papa." I answered but my face was fervent but fool of hidden sadness. I looked over at William who still kept his eyes on me, his eye brows were furrowed in confusion.

"Hello Bella?" His voice was different too; it was deeper but soft like velvet; I blushed embarrassment filling me, my heart pounded harder at the sound of his voice; it beat out of control so hard I felt as though everyone could hear it. But what affected me most was the familiarity of his nickname for me, he always called me 'Bella' and no one else did. My mother hated the nickname but Papa thought it was endearing that William had warmed up to me and had such a connection to his only child.

"Hello Will." I curtsied too nervous, instead of jumping from where I stood to hug and kiss him. He had no choice but to bow to me, his face was calm, serene but I could see in his eyes there was a hint of sadness and of confusion.

I was very distant, cold and dismissive of him for the remainder of the evening; Marie worried for me I could see it in her eyes and Papa asked if I was ill a couple of times but I denied it enthusiastically. William barely touched his food, although he spoke animatedly with everyone. I played with the food on my plate stealing glances at William every chance I got. His eyes met mine for the briefest moments than they would settle somewhere else.

"Did you meet any proper girls?" the insufferable Laurent asked and I couldn't take it any longer, I quickly asked to be excuse claiming a splitting head ache. Father promised to check on me later and allowed me to leave the table. I left as rapidly as my legs would carry me but instead of going up the stairs to my bedroom I ran to the kitchen and out the door to breathe some fresh air.

I wrapped my arms around myself to keep warm because the night had grown colder, the moon and the stars kept the darkness from darkening the night completely. The door to the kitchen opened, but I remained unmoving, I felt the warm embrace of a thick fleece over my still form but still I did not move. I was terrified to move because if I did I knew that I would fall apart, every bit of control I had was focused on remaining still. 'He must have met someone. Someone beautiful and sophisticated, how can I compete?' I tormented myself picturing her, whom ever she was. I replayed my memories of William in my mind comparing them to his new more manly appearance. A sob finally broke out when I realized that after comparing myself I was still the same, as the next sob broke out I was pinned to someone's chest, but this chest was not what I expected. Grasping the fact that it was not Marie that held me I grew intensely still letting my arms down at my sides.

"Don't cry my Bella." William crooned gently caressing my hair. His arms felt different; he was too alien to me. I sobbed quietly as the most perfect being held me in his arms and the sadness only deepened. "Bella I have missed you terribly, you have not changed much. Still the same Bella" He spoke softly against my hair.

I pushed away from him in anger, how could he not see that I wasn't a child anyone? I started to run towards the open yard allowing my anger to push my legs further from him, but as always he easily kept pace. My traitor tears were already pouring down my face, my eyes burned and I tripped over a rock. It happened so rapidly however I was sure that if William had not reach out when he did I would have fallen and bruised my face entirely. I sobbed with ardor now; William took me into his arms.

"Do not touch me!" I yelled; my irrational anger seeped through.

"Bella don't you love me anymore? His voice sounded unbearably sad.

My mind went wild, how could he possibly even imagine such a blasphemy, I pulled my face from his chest and stare angrily at him, how could he?

"How dare you! How could you ever ask such an absurd question? Do you not know me? Has it been that long? Do you not remember that…? I do love you. I have always loved you, more than mother, father and Marie. I love you more than anyone." The anger left me as the truest of all truths flowed through my tongue.

William smiled his beautiful smile at me; before either of us could grasp what was happening I reached for his face putting both my hands on his sides and I kissed his full lips. My inexperienced lips were very eager, his were unwilling but I remind insistent, I pressed hard as I could on his lips, feeling his warmth. William put both his hands on both my shoulders, I opened my eyes to see his burning with an indescribable mix of emotions, his lips opened slightly to let out a sigh that brushed against my feverish lips and then he gently pushed me away. I wanted to scream, to jump, dance and cry all in the same moment. I kissed him; my first kiss from the boy I loved that had become the man I know adored.

"Bella we can never do that again." William said in a stern voice.

"Why?" I asked like a belligerent child.

"I just don't feel the same way. We will never cross this line again." Again he spoke in a stern tone

"As you wish." I lifted my chin in defiance; my heart was in a million pieces. "I will never kiss you; I don't repeat mistakes." I wanted to run back to the house tears falling. Instead I managed to walk away holding my composure and I would not allow my tears to fall, William didn't follow this time. I entered the kitchen sneaking pass Marie and went up the stairs to my bedroom holding back painful sobs. 'How could I be so daft, William could never love me the same way I loved him, I am a stupid child'

The next memory was about to hit when I felt an irresistible calm come over me. Alice carried me through the woods speeding like a bullet; I could feel the speed in which she carried me through the thick forest in the the wind.

"Jasper is she back?" Alice's voice was distorted by her anxious worry. 'Has she gone mad, I should have see this, I could have warned her, why didn't I see this? But he wasn't clear. I didn't imagine it would be here. I should have seen it. This is my fault complete.' Alice's thoughts were of confusions and self blame, her visions of Edward Cullen, the future seemed to disappear at times; parts of his life were hidden behind black curtains. Alice tried to look pass them but the future is too subjective and for some reason she couldn't see his life was not always visible to her. The only clear concept in her visions was that now our future seemed intertwined; my decisions as well as his were now tied together. There was no clarity to the futuristic forecasts for my mind was catatonic at this moment freezing our futures.

I wanted to speak but I couldn't find the strength even under Jasper's calm I still felt in pieces. Jasper's thoughts were strained, my pain was unutterable in his mind he couldn't form the words to express the heaviness, the guilt, the loss and the unending agony that consumed me. Jasper took from me as much pain as he possibly could without falling into the same state as me.

"Her pain is too much Alice. I have never felt anything like it. Not even Marcus' pain was this horrendous and he lost his mate as a vampire, humans could never handle this much, it would tear them limb from limb." Jasper spoke in a groan of agony.

I tried to control myself, putting the usual cages around the emotions that were my constant companions; I wanted to free my dear brother of bearing such a burden. I concentrated until I heard him sigh in relieve a little, he was still very worried about me but now the only feelings inside of him were his own and the ones of my family that surrounded him. Alice had laid me on the couch and hovered over me, I opened my eyes to see her small body move too quickly for human speed back and forth around the couch, concentrating hard trying to unravel all possible futures. I could faintly hear the others around me but I shut out as much as I could. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Jasper and even Rosalie were worried sick about me. My pixie like best friend, my sister and confidant was tormented by the immense guilt she felt, her mind spinning with accusations.

"It's not your fault Alice." I choked out. Alice was instantaneously at my side her golden eyes filled with guilt, her mind filled with a long string of apologies.

"Oh Isabella please forgive me." Alice verbalized her apology "I should have known. I am such a useless fool." She hugged me tightly as she apologized.

"No do not blame yourself. This is not your fault, this is my fault. Mine." I kept myself together noticing Jasper winced at the pain that lashed through me.

"Tell us what happened Isabella" Carlisle step forward, in his gentle demeanor, his eyes filled with compassion for my obvious pain.

Given that we didn't keep any secrets in our family, I told them each memory that hit me and how clear they were. The mind boggling clarity, they were no longer murky or hazy but as clear as if I had experienced them in my vampire mind and not my weak human mind. I gave them each detail, I could trying my hardest not to feel, as I tried to describe how clear the memories were, how my mind seemed relive each moment not remember them, I couldn't put it into words. The emotions of my human heart were unexplainable, how I felt my heart beating in my chest once again; I felt my own blood flow in my warm living veins. How fragile my human body felt and how safe his arms felt around me.

My family looked baffled by my explanation, all of them making their own expostulations and I listen quietly.

Rosalie: 'I knew it she is insane!'

Emmett: 'Maybe Rose is right.'

Esme: 'Oh dear could such a thing happen. Poor Isabella I can't even imagine. I would not want to remember my old life.'

Jasper's thoughts were all of pity and true concern for he felt every emotion I felt, Jasper suffered right along with me.

"I am so sorry Jazz." I pleaded. Jasper straightened his posture and smiled at me like a loving brother. 'Don't sweat it Bells, I'm just glad I can help sometimes'

"Thank you." I said fervently. Jasper was always very kind to me, I know that at first he only accepted me and loved me because of the love his pixie haired wife has for me. But now our bond was strengthen by mutual love and true friendship. Jasper kept my secrets from my family, sometimes even from Alice, because he knew of the guilt that consumed me for causing them worry and pain.

"I am very sorry. I should have seen him, I should have warned you but I didn't see him until we were already at the school and I was too excited to think of the repercussions of such a shock. Please Bells forgive me." Alice was my best friend, my confidant and more than my creator and savior she was my sister. Alice always did everything wanting the best for me, hoping that I would find meaning in my new extended existence.

"I am not angry with you. How could I ever be Alice? You are my best friend and I know you love me as much as I love you. I know you want what's best for me and I know you meant no harm." I hugged my sister tightly and although her mind was a bit at ease she still felt guilty.

I finally caught the train of Carlisle's thoughts, in his mind he was trying to piece an immense amount of research that ranged a couple of thousands of years. Carlisle thoughts were frantic as he tried to put the information he remembered together into cohesive form. I couldn't find what conclusion he was trying to come to.

"What is that? What are you trying to piece together?" I asked Carlisle and he broke off from his reverie, smiling at me sheepishly.

"I don't know yet. It's just a theory. I'm trying to understand what is happening to you." His face was determined like a scientist on the verge of a great discovery his topaz eyes shone in determination.

*** I hope it was an enjoyable chapter, please let me know how it went. I would love to know what ya'll think of William. I am curious beyond words to know your reactions as ya'll read.****

Please Review!


	5. Determination

**Author's Note: I am working hard to bring you guys a good story, from studying history, fashion, diet, music and even religion to have an accurate well informed story. Here is the 4th chapter as promised I am going to give you a little about the character's background every chapter. I cannot give away too much but if you have any questions on the stuff happening and upcoming, please write my directly. I am very excited and very nervous about the events of the next chapters. The story is taking a life of its own and I don't know how to explain how much of my time it takes. I can't concentrate at work, because I need to write and than I'm so nervous that I don't. I have never written a story in order and this is my first try to finish one of a thousand. Please for the love of pie review me, correct me, and criticize me = (**

**I want to know what everyone thinks…**

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Character of the day:

Name: William Regalo (Name given to him by Charles meaning Gift)

Birth Name: Mander (Meaning: from me)

Date of birth: May, 13, 1586

Parents: Mother named Dooriya (meaning: Sea)

Date of death: November of 1607

Profession: Doctor

Last Words: Abiit iam et reverti debet

Translation: "He has been gone for long and must once return." (Tertullianus/ Wikipedia/ .org/wiki/Latin_Proverbs)

At 10 years old William was saved from starvation by Charles in the winter of 1596 on a business trip. William's mother gave her son to Charles begging that he take him in, she was badly beaten and was dying. No one knows who his father was but Charles believed he was half Italian, something his father would have never admitted because of the prejudice against Gypsies. William was exceptionally intelligent and very good looking; he was always himself with Isabella (Bella) but with others he was reserved, quiet. But despite his reserved manner he was very loved by his patients.

**

* * *

Chapter 4: Determination**

**Song: Iris**

**By: The Goo Goo Dolls**

Carlisle paced our living room speaking his speculations out loud, trying to piece a theory together to give a logical explanation to the unexplainable incident I had that afternoon with my past. Carlisle only voiced some of the information that he felt was of importance out loud and the rest of my family had become enthralled by his musings and now we were all trying to find a logical explanation together.

"Isabella's abilities may be growing. It has to be a result of your mind reading powers. Maybe you can access buried memories now, but why do you relive them. What a strange case, it is unheard of for Vampires to see former memories clearly because our minds work to eradicate them from the moment of transformation. Many believe this is a defense mechanism triggered by the mind to protect the rarely changing emotional state; most Vampires develop a predatory disposition. Humanity is exchanged by instincts" Carlisle spoke to us, to me and to himself; his scientific mind was wild with theories and possibilities.

"Wait! What! Her power is growing?" Rosalie asked annoyed. 'like she isn't a menace as it is' she glared at me but I just didn't have the energy to care. It was just like Rosalie to care more about her comfort than her sister's mental and emotional well-being.

"Yes, she is very powerful, and I believe with time she will be more powerful than Aro." Carlisle answered patiently setting aside his distaste at her tone; he was always very kind and was always careful not to lose control of his emotions. Carlisle is the most humane of all us. Is in his nature is kind, intelligence and he has the most unbelievable self control.

"She is more powerful than Aro leader of the Volturi?" Jasper stared at me bemused because although he did not know Aro very long his reputation was one that Jazz feared and respected.

"I can see that. That is why when we met him, he insisted on you staying as part of his guard. If I'm not mistaken you said in his mind you read his envy and desire to posses your gift and mine" Alice remembered my words clearly 'Alice be careful Aro is not to be trusted, he wants to posses our powers even if that means enslaving us'.

Esme and Emmett made no comments but they listened intently to everything that was said. Esme's worry was beyond explanation; she would have been a great mother in her human life if her son had not died. Emm was uncommonly concerned which took me by surprise because his manner was annoyingly laid back at times; nothing ever fazed my older bear like brother. Rosalie was probably to be the luckiest woman in the world. No man human or immortal could survive her constant demands, or her selfish-self observed attitude which she carried herself in accept for Emmett.

"But there is much more to look through I need to look through my records… Maybe Aro will lend me Marcus' research" But Carlisle was convinced that my emotional connection was the most important exponent. He was hesitant to voice his assumption out loud, although he had already voiced his opinion, because like the others to me his thoughts were not a mystery.

"Carlisle you believe that… that I was affected because Mr. Cullen looks like Will..iam?" I barely got the name out and everyone stopped pacing the room when I spoke his name, turning to stare at me with shocked eyes because I had never uttered his name not even when retelling them my memories he was him.

"Yes it is an important part of the puzzle, except we have no images only clues to guide us to form the picture at the end" Carlisle thought a moment before responding. "I believe that your connection goes beyond a scientific explanation. I believe that his mind, his soul and maybe even his body are somehow tied to yours. Another factor is that as Vampires our emotions are heightened and since it is a well known fact that we are not easily altered it is an irreversible change when it does happen. This boy has opened up a part of you that you had never experienced in this body. Any emotions you feel in this body will be overwhelming if you had never experienced them 're linked together even Alice can see that. Her visions of your future have been changed because now your future doesn't depend solely on your decisions alone." Carlisle truly believed that we kept our souls in this life; that our humanity can be kept intact when our natural lives end and that we still answer to a higher power.

I listened quietly refraining from voicing my thoughts, because unlike the rest of my family I would not, could not blind myself with such nonsense.

"My argument derives from an idea that Marcus of the Volturi toyed with many centuries ago until his mate was assassinated and he became a catatonic puppet for Aro. For the first time since I met Carlisle I heard anger in his usual calm tone.

Marcus lived an entire millennia as a guard for Vlad and Stephan until they found Aro. Marcus has a strong ability to sense the strength in relationship and I assume that he must have been a very loyal servant because the Roman's kept him for a very long time. Aro was a powerful addition to the then ruling class. Aro grown hastily up the ranks of the guard because of his ability, but his ambition was not something Vlad and Stephan anticipated. Aro turned his younger sister Didyme in hopes that because she was his sister she would obtain a similar power as his. To his disappointment her power was not as desirable as his but she did have a wonderful gift to make others happy. Dydime was an irresistible force and many felt in love with her but her heart was Marcus' from the beginning. Aro found Jane and Alec and his attention was taken from his sister during that time Marcus and Dydime fell in love. They were very happy together and Aro got his wish to complete his coup d'état. Aro convinced Marcus to betray his masters using his sister as a pawn. Their love flourished to a state that the Vampire world had never witnessed before, usually our bonds as mates are strong and permanent but their love was more human, tenderer than previously witnessed." Carlisle spoke his tale to our family as a lecture and we all listened like good students.

"Marcus with the influence of his lovely wife began to change his philosophies of life and survival, he began losing the predatory attitude Aro approved off. Marcus began to speak his new way of thinking, expressing his desire to leave the Volturi and living a different life with his wife. Marcus believed that Dydime was always his mate that she was meant for him even before he was turned. But his human life was cut short there for the natural course of his destiny was altered and his path intercepted by outside supernatural influences. But because there is no derailing destiny and given that the super natural interfered the natural found a way to continued its course. Love that conquers all." Those last words resounded in all of their minds with Carlisle's personal conviction. Carlisle believed Marcus was right because Esme was his whole existence and he wouldn't trade her not even to be freed from our damnation, without her, existing made no sense.

As if Esme could read his thoughts as clearly as I could, she unconsciously found herself walking over to her husband holding his hand. Interlacing their fingers lovingly and the gaze they shared was so intense that it triggered Jasper to radiated that love that was spilling over from them. I watched how without thought each pair found each other influenced by Jasper's ability to affect their emotional state. I felt the love in the air it was so thick it was palpable, I felt myself fall into my own personal black hole that engulfed me fully. The whole room was filled with a light that radiated from each set of lovers; I on the other hand reflected blackness, despair and the pain of my loneliness. When Jasper registered my emotional state he nearly broke the chain of love that he had influenced.

"We should look into your theory, another time." I spoke to Carlisle smiling as brightly as I could. "I'm going to go for my nightly run." My family faced me each feeling completed by one another. A tinge of pain hit each of them when each of them realized I was the only one alone in a room of completeness. My family pitied me even Rosalie felt bad for me.

I collected myself and forced my smile to show in my eyes. 'Isabella I am very sorry I didn't mean to hurt you.' Jasper mentally apologized, because although the rest of my family imagined my pain, Jasper actually felt it. Jasper's ability allowed my beloved brother to feel every bit of my loneliness, in an effort to easy my discomfort, he allowed me to feel how much each of them loved me. But kept my emotions back to keep my family from feeling the extent of my excruciating existence; Jasper could feel how truly grateful I felt towards him. In a flash I excused myself running out of the doors without direction.

I let my mind wander, letting my body take over, and I just ran just to run. Knowing that no real comfort would come from it, I ended up in the woods of someone's backyard. 'Why did I come hear' I asked myself spreading my mind to listen to the surrounding thoughts. I heard the hum of voices in the homes around the neighborhood, but no voice came from the home I had come too. My attention was caught by a guitar being tuned. I climbed the tree closest to the house to get a better look at the location my body guided me to. Instinctually I sucked in a deep unnecessary breath, to test my surroundings than the sweetest most succulent aroma burned through me. Mixed with the pure night air, the rainy weather and without the obstruction of other human scents in an enclosed room he became nearly irresistible. 'Oh my!' my mind screamed in me. My body urged me forward to the man sitting on chair on his back porch stroking an acoustic guitar, he wrote notes on a piece of music sheet.

I listen carefully to each note as he hummed a melody and I realized that he was not composing but adding to a composition. I swallowed the venom that swelled in my mouth when I realized he was adding to Benjamin. I cracked a tree branch with a snap of my hand, he couldn't hear from his distance but as if he could as if he somehow sensed it he looked into the darkness towards me. Anger filled me. "How dare he that is my music, my song. MINE! I could rip his throat right now and no one would know." I held myself there planning his murder avoiding his face; I hated him for taking something that was mine; only mine.

The front door opened, someone was entering the house and putting their belonging away I heard the sound of keys hitting a table, boots squeaking and searching for utensils. "Ed where are you?" the young girl called from inside.

"Out here." Mr. Cullen answered with a huge grin on his face and with a simple blinding smile every murderous thought left my body, my body relaxed and the venom stopped flowing. Everything seemed to be right with the world when he smiled; the world stopped being a dark and grim place. The back door opened and out came the young girl from this afternoon, holding a plate of food in hand.

"Hey Nessie how was your afternoon?" He asked her without looking up from his music sheet.

"Good, I spend some time with Angela, Leah and Emily down in La Push." She answered casually, and she kissed Mr. Cullen on the forehead. "Leah asked a lot about you, she really likes you." She commented smiling mischievously and I growled menacingly.

"I know I just don't feel the same. Billy told me he saw you, when I called for Jake but he was sleeping. I cannot understand how he can sleep all day long. He missed yet another day at the school in the reservation, how is he going to get his degree if he doesn't do his time at the school" He looked up only to smile than went back to work, his face held concern for his friend.

"Don't be so hard on Jake he is just got a lot on his plate right now" She defended the Quileute dog lovingly.

"Wow you are defending, Jake that is a new development." Edward smiled up on her amused. Renesmee hide her face blushing deeply something her brother missed.

"Thank you for dinner. You are the best big bother ever." she said fervently, changing the subject. Edward looked at his sister with a million questions in his eyes but instead he went back to work.

I watched strangely fascinated at their interaction, he seemed to be into putty in her hands. She sat down on the other chair and began eating her food quietly. I guessed y this was routine for them, to sit together while he played.

"What is that you're working on? It sounds vaguely familiar." The young girl asked after a few minutes, her unique mind reflected images and the sounds of this afternoon. The notes to my song replaying almost perfectly in her mind, she recognized the melody clearly but her sharp ear heard the differences of his additions, she had a musical ear too. Mr. Cullen had memorized and recreated my music almost perfectly, something unheard of in humans, especially since he had heard it only once; I was all the more anxious to read such a mind but his was a mystery for me.

"It's nothing." Mr. Cullen said dismissively but she saw through him; with inquisitive eyes she noticed that he gripped his guitar tighter as he answered. I was surprised again by how perceptive and mature her mind was, maturity is very uncommon in a girl her age.

"Right Edward, you didn't even eat dinner, just served me and came out here. This means more to you than you are letting me know." When she looked at her brother she saw much more than just a sibling, to her he was the best substitute for a father she could have prayed for, her best friend and her personal hero.

"Come on Edward, I tell you everything about my life. Tell me now!" she demanded playfully but full of authority as she set her empty plate aside. Edward looked at her with a look of consternation and he ran his fingers through his tussled bronze locks. He was deciding whether to tell her the truth or not, I was paying very close attention to every miniscule movement he made with both my eyes and his Renesmee's eyes. The more I watched the more I needed to see, his manner was unconsciously graceful, every bit of him seemed magical or part of the imaginary to me, part of the world most called the make-believe. I wanted to touch him to make sure he was real. As we watched his face grew more and more filled with deep concern and his green eyes shone with inexplicable sadness.

"I am" he hesitated, before continuing. "Adding to a composition" He finished reluctantly.

"Why Edward? That's not like you." She asked casually although she was concern for she saw the same sadness as I did.

"Well, today I heard an extraordinary piece of music and the sadness in which it ended impacted me in an unexplainable way. I feel an incredible need to add a happier ending to it." His eyes, they were Williams eyes again. The pain, the sympathy and the kindness were familiar. I missed those eyes, the eyes that knew me inside out. My mind pulled at me and I forced myself to keep in control not allowing my mind to reach back into the past again. I couldn't deal with one more vivid memory today; instead I focused my energies on the man of now and not the ghost of my renewing memories.

"Who wrote it? Was it the girl from Mr. V's class?" She remembered the look on my face as she entered the room and the agony reflected in my topaz eyes. "She is very sad underneath the surface she is hiding a lot of pain. I heard she was adopted, I wonder if the pain is something from her pass." She spoke as if she truly knew for a fact that is how I felt. 'What a strange child she is.' I thought.

"Yes Renesmee. There is something about her. I can't explain it right now. I can't stop think about her …song, it was excruciating." He tilted his head up closing his eyes and took a deep breath. His heart stuttered than began again in an irregular beat. In response my body tightened with worry 'Is he okay, what is wrong, is he sick?' From my place I did a quick medical examination. Pulse, blood flow and iris dilation, all normal except for a slightly irregular heart beat.

He was…well perfect even as a mere human he was perfection to me. If by any chance I still had a soul there was a deity angry somewhere because I was looking at the object of my adoration, committing delicious idolatry. He was my pagan god not in stone but flesh; natural muscles adored my Adonis he looked like a runner nothing about his body pointed to a the weight- lifting type or the spend-all-day-sweating- in -the -gym type.

As I made my catalog of his body, I found myself undressing him with my mind, my body filled with excitement the venom in my body flowed freely to my tongue. I let myself go, feeling every moment of my fantasy. "Wow" I had never felt this way in my immortal body, the sensations were beyond pleasure. I imagined his warm soft hands on my granite skin; fragile and delicate like rose petals. His sweet breath on my lips mixed with his velvet like tenderness. "NO!" I reprimanded myself "It is impossible, you stupid woman." I had to stay away from him no matter what sacrifice I would have to make; I would not allow myself a moment of weakness.

"She is very beautiful too" Renesmee commented casually but stared at her brother to assess his reaction. Edward had no verbal response but his heart sped, his cheeks reddened slightly not enough to be noticeable for a human. At least not a normal human being however this child made the same assessments I did. 'How fascinating, her perceptive mind is beyond the normalcy of the human mind, she must be special.'

"Edward I think you should stay away from her. I can't explain it but this pull you feel towards her is not normal, as if she has power over you. She may be a fascinating but she is still a student and you're soon to become a teacher. She is dangerous bro just trust me on this, nothing good could come of it." Renesmee warned her brother softly watching his reactions carefully; she could see this upset his usual calm manner a bit but it was necessary that she make it clear. She was sure that I was a dangerous obstacle to her brother.

"I know Nessie." Edward spoke in a defeated tone. "I don't even know the girl, is that… Well she is. I feel… Anyway it doesn't matter." He shook his head as if erasing whatever internal argument he was having. Again I was frustrated that his mind was not open to me. "You are right I will stay away from her." Renesmee could see that the decision made Edward unhappy but she clearly remembered a warning from Jacob black. 'Nessie you stay away from her, do you hear me? She is a cold one and our enemy.' Renesmee came back without showing anymore of the scene but it was clear to me Jacob Black had broken our treaty by telling this child what I am. Not that I would do anything about it not unless I wanted to start an unnecessary fight with the unpredictable wolves.

Edward looked into the dark forest his gaze meeting mine and although he could not see in to my eyes, I could clearly into his eyes. They were like crystal pools, the purest of all waters and I wanted to dive into their depths in get lost in them for the rest of my forever. I became impossibly still under their power, a statue unable, unwilling to move and I was imprisoned in his emerald eyes as a wiling prisoner begging not to be set free again. I took a deep breath letting the sweetness he radiated burn me like an addict unable to have their drug, I suffered in the bitter-sweet pain of his closeness.

"I'm going to call it a night and go to bed." He spoke still staring at the darkness. "You should too, is a school day tomorrow." Edward released me to look at his sister smiling a little.

"What about dinner?" Renesmee asked concern.

"I am not hungry Nessie, I hope it was good I called Grams to get the recipe to make it how you like it." Edward smiled bright but his eyes retained inexplicable sadness.

"How is Grams?" Renesmee continued the subject hoping to distract her older sibling.

"Same as always, stubborn and strong, she promised to come for a few weeks to check if I'm taking good care of you and myself." Edward laughed indulgently and Renesmee joint shaking her head.

"It will be so good to have her around." Renesmee smiled sweetly.

"It will be nice to have her around." He said sincerely.

Edward gathered his things quickly; he planted a kiss on Renesmee forehead and headed inside. Renesmee remained outside for a few minutes as I heard him inside the house taking a shower than heading to his bedroom, changing and going to bed. I fought every impulse to get closer to watch I could find his room easily if I wanted but I fought myself and won. I ran towards my house defeated only to remember no one waited for me there, sadly no one ever would, instead I hunted until I was almost sick with blood, every minute repeating the my new resolution. "Will never be weak, I will stay away from Edward Cullen."

I ran home to find Rosalie waiting for me in the meadow, I could already read in her mind what she wanted to tell me and I really didn't want to hear it but I didn't to be rude either.

"Morning Rose, What do you want?" I asked as politely as possible.

"I want to know what you plan to do." Rosalie was actually concern for someone else besides herself, she feared for Edward's mortality.

"I'm not going to turn him. I have no right; he has every right to live his life. I'm not going to do that to him, Okay." Rosalie could see the pain in my eyes.

"I know that you know how selfish I am, but I am really not doing this to hurt you. I just think that he has the right to have a normal life. You know to grow old, have children and die like a person should. Like we should have, I am so sorry Isabella." I could read the sincerity in her mind and for the first time I admire Rosalie's honesty.

"I know Rosa; I know you mean no harm." I was grateful for her concern

"I don't want to move again Isabella; it's too much of a hassle." And there it was, it didn't take her long to be her old selfish self.

"If it becomes too hard I will leave… Alone" I was annoyed at this point and she could I was no longer in the mood to talk.

"See you later than. Alice is been waiting for you." Rosalie ran towards the house thinking about this morning perfect outfit. I sat down in the meadow waiting some alone time but as soon as I sat Alice sat next to me.

"Hi Alice" I said sadly.

"Where were you?" Alice already saw where I was but chose to ask me.

"You know where I was Alice. You see and I read. Remember, no secrets." I pointed between us because it was virtually impossible to keep secrets in our family.

"I saw but I wanted to give you a chance to tell me. What did you see? I didn't watch I wanted to give you some privacy." Alice was my best friend and talking to her was as natural as breathing is to a human being.

"I didn't realize where I was at first until I heard his guitar. He was adding to Benjamin and I wanted to kill him for that but then he smiled." I laid my head on her lad and she caressed my hair. "He is sweet, loving, musical, tender and very smart. He remembered and re-created my entire composition after hearing it only once. His sister regards him as a hero, she adores him, admires him and I can't imagine taking that away from her."

"I know, Izzy I am so sorry that your love has to come in such a complicated package. But you'll see when it's meant to be nothing can stop it only delay it." Alice was a hopeless romantic and she believed in love more than anything.

"I don't love him Alice. I love the idea of having William back, but he isn't my William. He belongs to someone but not to me." I think I was mostly making the argument for myself than really for Alice and I knew this as I spoke. But denial was an option I was definitely going to hold on to. I was going to deny myself this one more indulgence this was all part of my punishment.

"He brought you here, the inexplicable pull you felt. You fought it for weeks but in the end we all came here. You can deny it, you may be able to fight it but it won't be for long, the need will beat you." I wanted to protest and like a stubborn child I wanted to tell her that she was wrong but I knew never to bet against Alice. I just thought of places to go to get away from his pull.

"Going to Tania's won't help. You'll just spend a miserable week in the snow and turn back around." Alice showed me what she saw and than a glimpse of Mr. Cullen looking rather sullen. "He will miss you too. You affected him, something changed when you two met, in you but also with in him."

"Don't show me anymore please." I begged Alice weakly. "I need to believe that I am stronger than this, because the alternative is too overwhelming right now." Alice quiet down stroking my hair softly and began to a lullaby in Italian that I loved. Her voice was one that even angels would envy, and in my favorite sister's arms I felt stronger, calmer and I was able to build enough strength to set my new resolve. "I am not going to be beaten by this. I have no interest in Edward Cullen."


	6. Breakdown

**Author's note:**

I am very sorry that is has taken me sooo long to post this chapter. I'm a little nervous because I want to bringing you all some good reading, trying my hardest to create something that is not abdominal to the original. I have changed things a bit but I want you all to know that I hold the original in the highest regard, Twilight is not something I would normally read and I am grateful to my best friend for introducing me to it. I have always been fascinated by the idea of immortality because I am not the biggest fan of time. Twilight was called a teen book and I am not a teenager I did not have any interest in reading it. To be honest I really care for the movie. The only things that made it good were Billy Burke and Robert Thomas Pattinson's performances. Once I finished book one I was enthralled by Stephanie's new take on the ever-fascinating subject that Bram Stoker immortalized. Vampires were blood drinkers, dark, evil, beautiful, ugly monsters that destroyed human lives, but she gave them an alternative way of life, a human-like family not a coven, a father not a sire and true familial connections. I read all five books (including the unfinished Midnight Sun) over and over again. I have bought a million copies and handed them around to my friends. My idea to write the story this way came because I sometimes wonder how different things would be if the roles were reverse and to be honest Bella's clumsiness always made me a little uncomfortable therefore I took away one handicap and gave another (her past) and of course I gave her Edward's values, his powers and his strength. Now Bella must be the one decide how to come to terms with the fact that she has to either turn him or lose him not just once but a second time. I am going to dedicate as much time as I possibly can on research and writing. I am very excited to continue to write this little adventure.

Please let me know each time I post your thoughts on the chapters, all of your thoughts are extremely important to me and I would appreciate the review.

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**Character of the day:** Alice Marie Brandon

**Date of Birth:** Unknown (might be as old as Aro)

**Age:** About 1500 years

**Hobbies:** Fashion, Languages and history

Alice can see the future and her power is much more developed because of her age, she was turned by an unknown Vampire, like in Twilight she woke up alone and for ages she wondered the earth alone. Her Visions guided her to refuge and kept her from harm in a world where creatures of her kind were not myth but reality to the inhabitants of the earth. She had no memories of her human life but always felt averse to killing humans and she chose to feed on animals, hundreds of years before Carlisle was turned and chose the same path. She is very small however she is a strong fighter and has little to no patience for threats against her family, her age makes her strong but her wisdom makes her loving and gentle. Jasper is her mate and their love rivals Romeo and Juliet. She is an important part of the story and we will learn much more about her as the story progresses.

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Chapter 5: Breakdown**

**Song: Breakdown**

**By: Norman Vladimir **

"**Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell."**

**~Edna St. Vincent Millay**

It took all I had to force myself away from Edward's backyard that night and I felt confident that I would be able to resist temptation easily after my conversation with Alice on the small meadow. However it proved more difficult than I had previously anticipated, I bet against Alice and I lost miserably. That first day after I had set my new determination to stay away from Edward, I arrived ten minutes late to class and Mr. Cullen asked me to stay after class. I had no choice but to comply with his request, I stressed for all 45 minutes of the class; I play out different scenarios in my mind desperately trying to prepare for the unavoidable conversation that I would have with him.

"All right guys your all dismiss. Except Miss. Brandon you stay a minute." He dismissed the class fifteen minutes early. I could hear in the minds of most of the girls the jealousy felt towards me a fact that caused a great deal of amusement, it brought me a strange sense of joy and pride. I packed my things slowly while the classroom emptied; Mr. Cullen went to sit by the piano and waited for my snail like packing to be done. I was buying as much time as possible to avoid spending too much time alone with him. I couldn't concentrate already and last minute I decided to go for a dismissive disrespectful attitude. I wanted to put as much space between us as plausible and with humans disrespect is usually a sure bet to create a sense of indignation. I would make sure he never spoke to me again.

"Isabella are you done?" Mr. Cullen asked a little inpatient.

"Almost." My tone was harsh; however Edward had no reaction at all. For some reason I became angry since I had no affect on him but he could control my every thought if he wanted too. "What do you need me for exactly? I would like sometime to myself like the rest of the class." I rolled my eyes to show my annoyance at the fact that he was keeping me from my free time; nevertheless on the inside I was fighting the actual joy.

"This won't take long I needed to ask you a few questions… about your composition." His voice was hesitant and even a little shaky.

"I'm not discussing that with you. You're being a little intrusive. Don't you think?" I was as rude as I possibly could I showed no manners or respect.

"I am sorry; I just wanted to understand how someone so young could have the ability to express emotions in such a clear unadulterated manner and through such a multifaceted musical masterpiece." His voice was laced with true admiration, which made it that much harder to be harsh.

"Well I'm just much older than my physical age. You're not much older than I am. What are you 22? "Edward nodded and his eyes were about to rip right through my hard exterior therefore I picked up my stuff quickly and said. "I'm going to go now. Don't ever ask me to discuss that piece again; also I'm not interested in being psychoanalyst or in a friend." My voice was cold, callous and rude; when he didn't answer I walked out feeling extremely remorseful. I wanted to turn around and ask for his forgiveness nay I wanted to plead for it but I went about my day as if I felt nothing.

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After that day Mr. Cullen acted as if I was invisible, he seemed to forget my existence all together and I was completely miserable. I had not expected to feel so much hurt when I got my wish and he began to dismiss me entirely. For the following three weeks I arrived to the music room right when the last bell rang, kept my eyes trained on everything but his eyes, his lips and his face. Instead I watched through the minds around me unable to help myself I watch his every moment like a stalker, I barely concentrated on anything else and the only restriction I made myself obey was staying away from his home. During those weeks I learned that he was kind to others, he volunteered his time at the school tutoring some of the kids that needed the most help. He was friendly but mostly kept to himself, always reading and studying when he wasn't occupied helping someone. I also learned through Alice that he usually only attended the high school as a student teacher three times a week but because Mr. Varner the music teacher was out with mono and the district was short on teachers he was allowed to substitute as long as he did the work for the University. He was attending the University of Washington in Seattle and he travelled back and forth to stay close to his little sister since he was her care taker. Sometimes I would see how tire his busy schedule made him whenever he spent the weekend in Seattle to take some tests he missed he would returned exhausted and all I wanted to do was tend to him but I forced myself to stay away.

Once I heard him reading Wuthering Heights to a student in the school library and the passion in which he read Catherine's confession of her love for the evil Heathcliff made me weak at the knees figurative speaking. I had heard the words spoken a million times and recited thousands of times by many well versed men and women but never as beautifully as he read it. **"****I cannot express it; but surely you and everybody have a notion that there is, or should be an existence of yours beyond you. What were the use of creation if I were entirely contained here? My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning; my great thought in living is himself."** Edwards's eyes rose up from the page and met mine; he continued reciting the lines holding my gaze and my body in place. **"****If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the Universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it. My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods. Time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees — my love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath — a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Heathcliff — he's always, always in my mind — not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself — but as my own being — so, don't talk of our separation again — it is impracticable.**" Then he looked away from me and began explaining the quote to the student as if nothing had happened. I stood there in that small library unable to move or feign humanity; as a statue. I only moved when Alice danced over to me and whispered that I should move since that's what humans do.

My favorite part of him was his treatment of his sister; he adored her and treated her as a devoted father. He would meet her in the hall a couple of times a day but studiously ignored her accept when she called his attention did he speak to her and their conversations were easy going the way two best friends would speak to each other.

I mostly kept to myself, staying out of the house more than usual because I became insufferable snapping at my family for little things I would usually dismiss. I worked harder than usual to keep in control, to be a good vampire. I contemplated leaving Forks and going somewhere, anywhere by myself until he died or moved away but the thought alone sent me spiraling in pain. I lost my appetite, I stopped hunting and my eyes were as black as my mood by the fourth week of my herculean effort I was ready for a breakdown in my determination.

One time Alice cornered me in the house after school and I was ready to leave again.

"Isabella, you have to stop this!" She was concern for me.

"Stop what Alice!" I used a belligerent tone, something I rarely used with her.

"He is miserable too." She began to fill her mind of visions of him and I blocked them out as best as I could.

"Alice stay out of my life do you hear me, Stay out!" My words were beyond hard and I felt terrible for saying.

"Izzy please we are your family. Don't keep us at such a distance." Esme entered the room impossibly sad and I wanted to punch myself for causing her grief.

"I don't mean to, I just need time to figure out what I am going to do. I can't be around you all right now; your thoughts are unbearable I can't hear anymore about him. He is everywhere and I can't make myself leave. I can't." I ran out of the house shaking from the grief that consumed me.

My human birthday was fast approaching and Alice was already in a bad mood because I refused to celebrate my Vampire birthday. Alice was dead set on that wanted to throw a party to celebrate my human birthday. "I am not in the mood Alice, I don't want to celebrate and I'm sure that Tania, Irina, Kate, Eleazar and Carmen have better things to do than come to Forks." I was on the verge as it was and Alice being stubborn was not helping.

"I want to celebrate your birthday!" She shrieked if bells could shriek.

"NO! Out of the question, if you have a party I won't show up. I'll go to Canada for the night and hunt some buffalo." I was of course bluffing since I was unable to eat my body refused any blood I tried to consume; I tried but just couldn't feed.

"I wish you would eat. Isabella you must eat or you will kill someone." Her voice changed from irate to concern.

"I am…Fine for the millionth times, just leave me alone!" I spoke to Alice in a tone I had never used with her before I moved to back to Forks. Out of shame I ran out of the house when I saw the hurt in her topaz eyes. "I'm sorry Alice I just need sometime alone." That morning Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett took the BMW to school because I wanted to be alone.

The day was in a word disappointing I had not caught Edward's scent and I had not found him in anyone's mind all day therefore I was more than moody I was outright outraged that he was not in school. I walked into music class still hoping against all odds that he was there. A short man with thick glasses and an unpleasant smell welcomed the students in 'yes I'm back!' he thought bitterly at the students that like me looked more than disappointed at his presence. I sat in my usual seat drowning in my misery.

"Alright everyone settle down. As you all know I am your music teacher and Mr. Cullen is just a student. From today on he will only be here three times a week and since he will be shared by several teachers even less in this class. Now what was "Mr. Cullen" teaching you before things went back to normal." Mr. Varner's mugginess made me beyond angry and before I could lose or regain control I stood up hastily leaving the classroom.

I saw Jasper as I walked out of the class "Let me be. I'm in control." I whispered menacingly. Jasper simply went back to class after reassessing my mood. "Alice stop watching me!" I whispered angrily and she mentally apologized.

I walked to the back of the most secluded building of the school stomping angrily, I sat down ready to throw a fit but I realized I wasn't alone. I heard a slight movement and my body automatically tensed to defend.

"Hello Isabella." Mr. Cullen's voice broke through every wall I had build, it sounded amused and happy. I missed his voice as if I had not heard it in centuries instead of hours and my body relaxed automatically. Because I wanted to be safe for him to be around, all my volatile instincts dissipated leaving me vulnerable and open.

"Hi" I choked out happily.

"Is this seat taken?" Edward pointed to the ground next to me and I shook my head no. "May I join you?" He asked politely and hesitantly.

"Yes, Please do" My voice was more wishful and I would have allowed if I was had some control left in me. I heard his heart pick up pace and smiled to myself.

Mr. Cullen sat about two feet from me but the heat that radiated from his body even from that distance warmed every inch of me. I wrapped my arms around my legs in an effort to hold myself in place, to keep my body from doing what only felt natural. To hold him, kiss him and let him know how much I have struggled not to love him and how miserably I had failed.

"I think you and I started on a weird note." His words took me off guard.

"What do you mean?" I asked unable to comprehend his comment.

"I mean I think we should start over. Maybe we can be friends, because I would really like that." 'Friends' I thought the word over smiling bitterly because I would have to take that offer and nothing else. "

Okay, how do we start over?" I asked almost amused. "I'm not a good friend to have. It would be ill advice of you to keep such a friend as me." I wanted it to be a warning but my voice was playful instead.

"Well I think a reintroduction would help. Edward said ignoring my warning completely. "Hi my name is Edward Cullen, you must be Isabella Brandon. That should do it." He smiled up at me and I laughed in return laying my head on my jeans.

"Since we are friends now, May I ask you why you are here? Aren't you supposed to be in Seattle?" Wow talk about intrusive, I was very rude to ask such a question without taking into account that I had no right to ask it.

"Well I didn't need to go today, I'm ahead of schedule and I didn't want to be home alone. I missed… the school." His words were sincere enough but I felt as though there was something else but didn't want to be more ill mannered than I had already been. After a few minutes of silence he spoke again.

"Are you gifted?" I asked bemused because how could he be ahead with such a busy schedule.

"Gifted? I don't understand." His face was flushed as if he were embarrassed by that fact.

"You're intelligence is above average, most humans are not as quick to learn or assess certain situations and you catch up extremely fast." I was beyond fascinated by him.

"Most humans… hahaha you act like you're not part of the same race." He laughed and stared at me quizzically.

"Sometimes I feel like I am a completely different species." I laughed trying to divert his investigative mind.

"I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I am not meant for my time, like I am living someone else's life and mine is waiting somewhere else. Do you ever feel like you are missing pieces and it's too hard to see where they are?" His face was serious, thoughtful and more beautiful than I had ever seen him before.

"Yeah I know what you mean, sometimes is hard to see a way to make things whole without taking pieces that do not necessarily belong to you." I smiled but I know that he could see the utter sincerity of my words. We stayed quiet for a while both reflecting on the words spoken between us. For some unknown reason I felt as thought we were having a coded conversation, each expressing our real thoughts through cryptic small talk.

"May I ask you why you aren't in class?" He asked after a few minutes of silence changing the subject.

"I needed some fresh air I guess. I'm thinking about dropping the class to have a free period. I love music but sometimes is much easier just to love it alone. No one seems to understand how… much of a gift it is to have it as available as it is these days. I was very fortunate and Papa brought tons of sheet music home, the piano was my favorite toy growing up. In the old days not many people had access to music." I looked over at him his wide eyes shocked than I realized I said too much. "At least that's what I've read." I corrected laughing.

"I know exactly what you mean, that is one of the reasons I wanted to teach music because I wanted. Share my love for it with others." He laughed.

Edward shifted his body closer and I instantly stiffened and held myself tighter, knowing that if I put any more pressure on my clothes they would tear right off making me look like the incredible Miss. Hulk; I needed to find some self control soon.

"Why?" Edward's voice was hesitant but I couldn't be sure what he was going to ask of course since his mind is silent to me and had no way to prepare for his questions. At first I wanted to let it go since he seemed to lose the bravery to ask the question on his mind but the curiosity was killing me.

"What do you want to ask?" I asked fearing the worse, I lifted my eyes to read his expression and when our eyes met he gasped audibly.

"Why are you…sad? Your eyes always reflect pain." His voice was filled with concern.

'He is aware of me, concern for me' my mind registered the meaning behind his words going wild with the euphoria that filled my entire being.

"What…Umm…I." was the only response I managed; his words took me completely off guard.

"Your eyes, they are full of… grief. I can recognize it because I can see it in my own eyes. You don't have to deal with it alone you know. Many people go through it all around you." He explained softy his breath ragged and his voice filled with too much intensity. I stared at him and if I was still human I would have been moved to tears. "All you need is to find someone who understands and well if you want I can listen" Was he offering to help me deal with the grief I suffered? How I wished to be able to tell him about it openly but that would open Pandora's Box of weird. Was he always this honest and direct? I deliberated on how to respond because I needed him to know me, the way I need to know him but how could he know me if I lied? I battled myself deciding which lie to tell him but when I looked into his eyes I was hypnotized me into total and utter honestly.

"I lost my family a very long time ago and I can't forget. I don't want to forget, the pain keeps me from forgetting." I choked up as the human emotions in me flared.

"You're afraid to forget how much you loved them? How much they meant and every moment you shared in their company?" They weren't really questions more like affirmations of the things he too felt. I nodded unable to speak than he wrapped his arms around his own legs. I wanted to reach out, to comfort him but just the thought of my unpleasant icy skin and his reaction to it made me back down from doing so.

"Who do you grief for?" I asked incapable of holding back the need to consul him a little. Edward's eyes grew very sad with such a force that I had to almost dig myself into the ground to keep from moving and wrapping myself around him protectively.

"My Parents. I'm an orphan like you" Edward answered.

"How old were you when they passed?" I asked keeping myself securely pinned to the ground.

"Renesmee was 12, therefore I was 17years old." He put his head down on his knees inhaling deeply than exhaling slowly, as if finally feeling the weight that responsibility had brought.

"It must have been hard to deal with so much at such a young age, my papa died when I was 16 years old but that was ages ago." I said trying to let him see that time changed things.

"Ages ago but aren't you just 18?" Edward stared at me confused.

"Yeah I guess because I live in such a different environment that it feels like another life." I tried to correct my previous mistake, but he didn't look convinced with my explanation.

I was perplexed by the easy manner in which honesty flowed between us. We were both being very honest; I had not lied to him once. I knew that I would not be able to even if I wanted, I had to gain control of the conversation but it was not going to be easy because I couldn't just read his mind. 'I have to stay away' I told myself mentally 'it's too much of a risk for my family, if I can't lie to him' just the thoughts of leaving send ripples of agonizing pain through me.

"You lost all of your loved ones?" Edward asked

"Almost I have some distant relatives alive in Europe and here in the US. However I am not close to them." I smiled thinking of the many generations that survived me all over the world.

"Tell me about your parents, what kind of people were they?" I wanted to know what kind of people Edward Cullen came from.

"My mom was the most amazing mom and she was the very best cook. Her name was Jane Mason-Cullen; she went to college to the University Of Seattle where she achieved a master's in history. However when Nessie was born she stayed at home because Nessie was a sick baby. Mom always told us stories before we went to bed of the tribal myths and legends of the people in La Push; she loved their history and was best friends with my best friend's mom. We always spend the weekend in La Push at the beach with the Blacks. My dad was not very expressive but he showed love in many ways, he was the sheriff of this town by the time he was 25years old. We had breakfast together every morning and dinner was never a quiet event as we all discussed the day. My dad loved to fish and almost every time he had time off from work he would go fishing with Harry Clearwater and Billy Black, The reservation has been a second home to Nessie and me always." Edward spoke of them with adoration and his face light up when he mentioned them; I smiled vaguely remembering my own parents.

"How did they pass away?" I asked hoping that it didn't offend him that I asked.

"A car accident, I saw it happen. It was a Sunday afternoon and we were at the beach with the Blacks as usual. We were going back to regroup at the Blacks and Renesmee insisted on going in the truck with Billy Black because she and Jacob were inseparable, so it was decided that the children would go in the truck with Billy and my dad would drive my mom, Mrs. Black and Rebecca black the eldest back to the house. On the way back my father had a seizure and they crashed into a kitchen and the car exploded killing all of them as the rest of us watched in shock from Billy's truck." I listened intently wishing that I could console him. "I wonder if Nessie remembers that, if it wasn't for her we would have been killed that day also." I shivered at the thought of his still cold body and thanked the heavens he lived and was sitting with me.

"I am very sorry." I said burying my face in my jeans.

"Thank you." Edward said

"It is very hard to forget when you see someone you love die tragically." I had a flash of a distant painful memory but composed myself quickly.

"How…how did you lose your family?" Edward asked after a long moment of silence.

"It's very murky, the memory at least. Like I said before it was a long time ago, the only thing that remains clear and unchanging is the pain. That stays with you forever." I answered his question with more sincerity than he could ever understand, while still trying to remain inconspicuous. Edward understood that I would not discuss the any more details on this particular subject, I felt like I had cheated him for he had spilled his story and I kept too much from him. But those are the obligations on must have when one lives over 400years.

"Do you ever feel like there is a reward at the end of the road for having endure and suffer this much pain?" Edward was looking for answered I couldn't give.

'No!' I thought 'there is no reward for those who are the damned and wicked.' But I realized that he wasn't damned he was very much human. He was tender, good and very fragile.

"Yes I think so. Humans deserve true happiness after having endured pain. There must be some form of paradise for those who bring love, happiness and kindness to the word." I smiled finding at last the best excuse to love him the right way, I would protect his humanity, his soul at all costs. That would be my way of loving him, of protecting him; I would remain in his life as a shadow until his last days. Until his soul found the rest it would gain in heaven.

"What is your definition of heaven?"Edward asked looking up at the sky.

"What do you mean?" I had no answer for that question because I had never given heaven much thought.

"Well I was reading a book the other day and it made me think about how I define heaven. Everyone has their own definition, idea or opinion of what heaven is. I wanted to know what is yours." Looked up at his inquisitive eyes alive with curiosity, I was helpless and powerless when I looked into their depths. Edwards did that did that memorizing thing they did to me.

"I don't know that I belong in heaven." My voice was sadder that I intended.

"Why... Why don't you belong in heaven?" Now he was alert as if I said something he expected.

"I don't believe that heaven is made for everyone. I don't think that heaven is actually something you only get when you die. Heaven can be right here right now." I said the words without realizing there meaning, Edward's heart gave away the fact that he heard the tone of truth in my voice. I said the words filled with truth because this moment was my piece of heaven, because in this moment with Edward I had escaped purgatory for a little while and I smiled up at the sky in gratitude.

"You and Catherine Earnshaw have that in common. Tell me who your Heathcliff is?" Edward asked the question as a joke, it was rhetorical but I sensed he wanted an answer.

"I guess, like Catherine I wouldn't be happy in heaven because my Heathcliff wouldn't be there. I would be miserable eternally without him and nothing could ever bring me joy again if it wasn't Heathcliff. But I have no Heathcliff and no heaven." I looked over at Edward smiling and he stared at me for a moment before I looked away feeling invaded by his intensity. "You know you have very intimidating eyes. They seem to see more than the surface; I'm scare you can see right through me." By the time I realized what I said and could take it back it was out of my lips.

"Why is there something you don't want me to see?" Edward asked in a serious tone

"No. I don't mind but I'm not sure that is good for anyone to have access everyone's secrets. It's must be a burden to have such access to things that you may not want to know." I spoke from experience at the beginning before I could control my powers it was painful, annoying and extremely inconvenient to hear everyone's thoughts without blockage. I heard it all from indiscretions, murders, remorse, lust, fantasies and all of the mundane thoughts everyone had around me fortunately the population back then was a lot less than now.

"Do you keep many secrets?" His voice was as his face very curious.

"Some, maybe one day I'll tell them to you." I smiled mischievously and he laughed.

"I'll figure you out Isabella. I guarantee it." Edward was confidant in his declaration.

"I wish you wouldn't try, some things aren't worth discovery and are better left undiscovered. I can be a very dangerous creature sometimes" I tried to be light but in my voice he could hear the warning within the joking tone.

"I'll be the judge of what is worth discovery and what is better left alone. Okay?" I buried my face in my jeans and when I heard his movements I tensed. I hoped and dreaded for anymore closeness but when I looked up I realized he had gotten up and collected his things. 'He is leaving' I thought frowning.

"Come with me?" Edward extended his hand to help me up.

"Where are we going?" I asked standing up on my own pretending not to notice his extended hand.

"The Bell rang." He pointed out some kids walking in the distance.

"Wow how weird I didn't hear it." I couldn't believe I was distracted to the point where I didn't hear a simple bell ring.

"Neither did I. the students walking around made me realize it. We are kind of secluded back here no one would have heard it; unless they had superpowers." He laughed and I tried to laugh with him.

"Oh I didn't realize how far we are from the regular buildings." that was mistake number 'oh my how many slips have I made?'I tried to remain calm as he watched me intently.

"We can continue this tomorrow. If you'd like, we could meet here on purpose tomorrow." Edward requested and I nodded my head smiling happily. I said my goodbye and walked away leaving him standing on the little patch of heaven that would continue tomorrow.

Please Review!!!!


	7. I Dream of Heaven

**Twilight does not belong to me.**

**Author's note:** This chapter is in Edward's point of view, I wanted to give him a chance to have a say and I wanted to see the events through his eyes. Also through Edward I am able to give a background on some of the most important characters of the story. Renesmee and Jacob hold a very important part in his life and these two characters will influence the story greatly. Before chapter seven I will post a small inside into Renesmee and Jacob's relationship. I haven't written it yet I'm currently working on Edward's second chapter. When his chapters are done we will continue with Bella but I will give Edward POV again.

I want to thank you guys for sticking with me, I would quit if you guys were not reading, thank you for your comments they are greatly appreciated. Like always let me know what I've done or how I can improve the story.

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Character of the day:

Renesmee Cullen

DOB: 9/13/1992

Parents: Jane E. Masen, Edward T. Cullen

Hobbies: Reading, play writing and playing the piano

*Renesmee was raised by her brother Edward with the help of their Grandmother, she is the love of Jacob Black's life but she is apprehensive of giving her heart to him. She is an independent girl and she does not like to be told what to do or how to act. Like her brother she is extremely intelligent and learns quickly. With an attractive personality Renesmee is hard to resist and is loved by all whose life she touches. She is very perceptive; she adores her big brother for whom she would do anything. A few things are secret in her life but all will be revealed in due time.

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Quote from: A Midsummer Night's Dream**

**Written by: William Shakespeare**

"If we shadows have offended,

Think but this, and all is mended,

That you have but slumber'd here

While these visions did appear.

And this weak and idle theme,

No more yielding, but a dream,

Gentles, do not reprehend;

If you pardon, we will mend.

And, as I am an honest Puck

If we have unearnéd luck,

Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,

We will make amends ere long:

Else the Puck a liar call.

So good night unto you all.

Give me your hands, if we be friends,

And Robin shall restore amends."

**-Puck, Act V, scene ii**

Sometimes we can live in dreams. Towards the end of the play A midsummer Night's Dream Puck gives this speech sort of giving the audience a choice to excuse any offence by making the themes a dream. But if you believe in true love fictional or real you must believe that magic or fate always interferes to provide a chance or a way to help those who face many obstacles. We know that love is never easy, especially true love.

**Chapter 6: I Dream Of Heaven**

The dreams have come more often than usual; I always have dreams that are inexplicably vivid, intensely I feel as if each moment is reality. When I wake up I end up feeling disappointed at the fact that my reality does not have the completeness I feel in my dreams. This morning I woke uncommonly early the day called to me and every fiber of my being answered eagerly. I couldn't contain the surge of excitement that filled me, without reason.

I sat at my desk in front of my laptop writing and rummaging through all my notes, and journals, I finished the detailed recording of my dream. School work had always come easy to me and I have always excelled at all endeavors I set my sight on. I glanced at my emails and I emailed my professors the work for the month, I spent Saturday completing all the work I could cram into the day. I know I lead a very exciting social life don't I?

I went downstairs after I showered, shaved and dressed for the day, I made a huge breakfast that included eggs, bacon, pancakes, sausages and home fries.

"Wow bro, what has gotten into you today?" Jacob asked entering my house through the kitchen door.

"Jake is freezing outside and you're shirtless, and in shorts. Man how do you do it?" I wasn't surprise to see Jake; he came and went as he pleased in my house. Jacob has been my best friend since before we were born.

"I just don't feel it Ed. I'm unique like that." He chuckled smugly

"Yeah bro, you are a character." I laughed handing him an over flowing plate of food, Jacob could eat for a dozen in one sitting, he is a massive six feet seven inches tall football player size gargantuan, I'm only six inches shorter and but next to him I must look scrawny any one would, accept for some of the guys of his tribe who were all build like giants.

We heard Nessie stir upstairs and when I looked over at my best friend his eyes were glazed over with devotion. I have always known that Jacob loves my little sister Renesmee, I think he has always loved her even when were children, however Nessie has always been cruel to Jacob. She loves to push his bottoms but Jake is the most self-controlled human being I have ever met; I know that what she does and says affect him but he brushes it off with a joke or a smile, sometimes I think he enjoys her meanness because she is giving him some kind of acknowledgment.

"Jacob!" I call his attention back from whatever day dream he is in. "Dude stop day dreaming about my little sister at least until one I'm not in the same room, two until she is 18 and three until I'm not in the room." Jake blushed uncontrollably but he knew I know he loves Nessie.

"Did you have one of those real life dreams of yours?" Jake teased taking the attention from himself, but when he looked at my expression his teasing look turned to concern. "Again Edward, What did you dream this time?"

"I always dream something different Jake, the only thing that remains constant is her." I closed my eyes picturing her face, the face of the woman that has haunted me since I was about 11years old and through the years I have grown up with her, loving her more each day.

"I don't know why I haven't out grown her." My parents sent me to a psychologist because I started waking up from the dreams looking for her every morning. My mother encouraged me to write down the dreams in a journal and following her advice I have kept detailed records of each dream as I remember. Generally I could remember every detail of my surroundings and even the smells around me stuck as if the dream was not just a dream but a memory. I've always felt as if I was living two lives; the one in my dreams and the one I had to live once I woke up.

"I have often I wish I could out grow he, but if I am being honest deep inside I know that it will cause me… unbearable pain to let her go." Okay so I am crazy, it's been confirmed, I am a nut job in-love with a childhood imaginary friend.

"She isn't real Edward, one day you are going to have to let her go. I mean you can't live on dreams. Go out on a date with Leah again, stop studying so much and get a life." Jake suddenly stopped mid-sentence as if his world stopped and I disappeared into thin air. I looked in the direction he was staring at and in came Renesmee.

"The mutt is right Edward." Nessie says grabbing a piece of bacon. "You need a real girlfriend E. You haven't been with anyone since Victoria and that was three years ago." Nessie leaned against the counter as she spoke and Jake kept his eyes on the table. I noticed Renesmee looking at Jacob with goo goo eyes and laughed to myself. What I could never understand is why she is so mean to him when I know she likes him.

"Damn Jacob, why can't you just be normal and wear clothing like everyone else." Nessie snapped at Jacob after a few minutes of silence.

"Is not my fault that I'm not normal" Jake said this almost sad than his expression changed and he said. "It's okay Nessie, you can look, I know you like what you see." I watched in amusement as Jacob flexed his muscles hulk Hogan style as Nessie blushed and hissed at him angrily. I wanted to laugh out loud as the two most important people in my life transformed into middle school children.

"Why can't you just shut up! You dumb mongrel. I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole." Nessie retorted blushing her tone acerbic, she turned and left the room.

"Come on Jake, you know she hates when you do that." I said half laughing.

"Well than she should just admit that she wants me. Stop fighting it sweet heart. You're mine!" Jacob yelled for Renesmee's benefit.

"In your dreams loser. In you dreams!" Renesmee yelled from the stairs as she stumped up to her bedroom.

"You two are very childish, just so you know." I laughed. "Especially you Jake, Come on dude your older, you should mature already." I would have continued to make fun but I noticed the her words had really hurt him this time

"Why can't she just admit that she loves me too?" Jake spoke softly putting his face in his hands.

"Jake, Nessie is my sister and you are my best friend, although I am not completely comfortable with how intensely you love her. I couldn't ask for better boyfriend for her, give her the space she needs. Jacob usually did but lately things had changed. "What is different now that you have changed? I have never seen you this way; you can't even hide it anymore." For a few months now Jacob has been showing his feelings for her more openly as if he can't control it.

"Look Edward I can't help it, I belong to her, and she is imprinted in every fiber of my being. Renesmee means everything to me. It's just fucking frustrating that she is dead set on remaining in denial. I know she loves me as intensely as I love her, of this I am certain but she won't accept what I am. I'm torn between the bliss of loving her and the pain of not having her. I know she cares but when she denies me like that… well she might as well kill me." Jacob's love for Renesmee was in a word scary and not because of how strangely deep it is, it's scary because I could understand such a love. Since I too loved with the same passion the only difference was that the woman I loved didn't exist. Well she did but only in my imagination.

"Oh man Jacob you and I need to be committed to a mental institution for the love craze." I tap his back in comfort and we both laughed at my corniness.

"I know that you can't always tell me everything but I know you and I know you are hiding something from me." He tried to speak in his defense but I put up my hand to stop him. "I just want you to know that you are a brother to me already. Renesmee is young she'll will come around, just make sure you are respectful, because I don't care that you are the size of Andre the giant I will woop your ass than I will shoot you, with my dad's shot gun."

Jake perked up after that and we discussed how things were in the reservation, he reminded me that Sam and Emely's wedding was fast approaching, told me Jared had a new girl friend and that he suspected that Billy and Harry Clearwater's widow Sue were secretly dating. We laughed talking about Quil and Embry's new exploits.

After an hour Jake headed home, Renesmee and I had to get to the school by that time. "Renesmee, how do you feel about Jacob?" I asked my sister as I drove to the school and she thought a while before she decided to just tell the truth, I could always tell when she was lying.

"I don't Edward, I am afraid to know to know the extent of how much I love him. If I'm being honest with myself the truth is that I love him, but it's just not normal. What I mean is that it feels too forceful." My sister's eyes filled with tears as she confessed what I already suspected; that she loved Jacob Black.

"Is like I can't breathe right, until I'm around him, I miss him every minute; he is always on my mind. All I want to do is despise him because it makes me angry that I love him so much."

I couldn't answer at first because I had no idea that she loved him in such a way. I was both envious and put off by the powerful way in which they loved each other.

"Nessie listen to me, Jacob is a great guy and as much as I may not like it that my little 17 year old sister is in this kind of situation. I need you to be happy and Jake loves you beyond logic. When Life gives you a chance to have something so rare even if it is forceful you should give it a chance. I know that you are afraid to get hurt but Jacob loves you and I know he is incapable of hurting you." I couldn't believe that I had to give my 17 year old sister advice about following her heart.

"Thank you Edward, you know I think that there is someone out there that has all the qualities of your dream girl." Renesmee smiled at me. "She is going to come into your life when you least expected, you don't always grow up with the love of your life. Well you kind of have but I know she will become real one day."

When they the world turn upside down, in my eyes Renesmee was a child. Things like these don't happen at her age; they are supposed to happen when you're in your thirties not seventeen. However I knew this was it for both of them, a strange case of true love in the 21st century. The school parking lot was filling up fast, but fortunately I was for the remainder of his time out, to use Mr. V's parking spot on the faculty side.

When I got out of my car I noticed a silver Volvo on the other end of the lot. As the passengers got out, I noticed that each was extremely graceful, even one the was built like Jacob tall and muscled like a weight lifter, despite his tall brawny size like Jake he was incredibly graceful. Then something inexplicable happen as the driver got out of the car the world froze around me, I watched wide eyed as she left the car her long silky brown hair flowing softly in the wind, I didn't have to see her face to know that she was beautiful. She led the group into the main building all the while I watched her gracefulness unmoving.

"Wow." I said catching my breath.

"Wow, what?" Renesmee asked curiously.

"Nothing, I was just day dreaming." I answered looking at the entrance of the building where the unearthly creature had just entered. "You know me, I'm the perpetual dreamer." I turned to face Renesmee smiling as I recalled my mom's nickname for me.

I could hardly concentrate on anything all day, everyone was on full gossip mode, everyone was talking of the new students that looked like models and were all shockingly…"Together Edward can you believe it. That cannot be healthy." The old nurse commented as I helped her bring supplies into her little office. I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders, because I'm not one to judge any one.

I met the Hale twins in my second period music class, both were exceptionally well spoken, the boy I liked automatically he was polite and there was something about him that made me feel comfortable around him. The girl or goddess more like it was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid my eyes on, however that is how far my acknowledgement of her went, she seemed in a word; self-absorbed.

I spend fouth period in the gym with my friend Tyler Crowley who was the gym teacher. He called me on my cell phone because there was "something I had to see". When I got to the gym Tyler pulled me aside excitedly. "Look at that." He pointed to the tall one from the group of new students.

"What am I looking at?" I asked Tyler, I saw the man before me but why should I be excited.

"That my friend is the ideal body. His name is Emmet Brandon and that next to him is his little sister Alice Brandon." Tyler looked at the man with envy and the girl with lust.

"Okay Tyler you are crazy." I said shaking my head.

I looked over again and the small pixie like girl was staring at me with familiarity, she smiled at me like we were old friends. I had a strange feeling that we would be very good friends given the change and then I looked at her brother and remembered Jacob smiling.

"I don't know what the big deal is. I mean they are just people I don't understand what the big fuss is all about." I told Tyler sincerely.

"You'll change your mind when you meet, the other Brandon. She is just your type; long brown hair, alabaster skin, thin but curvy an ass you can bounce quarters on and sexy lips. Yummy." Tyler was a pig and had no boundaries.

"Come one Tyler, she is a student and off limits." I reprimanded him.

"To me, but not to you." He smirked perversely. "Her name is Isabella and she is a total goddess, oh how I wish I was a student, I would tap that." Tyler grunted like an animal, this man is appalling yet I kept him as a friend why?

'Isabella Brandon' I thought as I walked with Tyler to the music room as he babbled about something, I can't say I was listening to him prattle about. I said a quick goodbye to Tyler since I was a little late to the class. I walked in putting my things down at the teacher's desk; I scanned the class as I usually did when I noticed a still figure lying down on a desk in the back of the class. My world suddenly froze again and I felt a baffling joy, an inexplicable pull that called to me, it terrified me. My body filled with a thrilling excitement because I was finally going to see her face, the one I've been dying to see all day. I walked over to Jessica one of Nessie's friends to get confirmation to what I already knew.

"Who is that?" I whispered to her.

"The new girl." She said looking up at me. "Isabella Something." Her voice was annoyed but I was already on the move all I managed to say was "thank you Jessica." Everyone seemed to have disappeared into thin air as I walked slowly to her.

"Hello, I'm Mr. Cullen; I'm covering for the music teacher." Said putting my hand on her right shoulder bracing myself before she lifted her face to look at me, it was a strange sensation to have since I had no idea who she was. I was baffled by the knots that filled my stomach, is that feeling you have in elementary when you first notice a girl and your stomach does flips making you want to hurl.

Isabella Brandon lifted her face up from the table only keeping her eyes down, my eyes took in the impossibly beautiful creature in front of me, my heart stopped, time stopped, I think a million things ran through my mind but I was unable to recognize words, language or sound. Her beauty was beyond anything I could have ever conjured up; I was incapable of recreating such perfection. The masters would have lined up for days to get a chance to have the privileged I now had to gaze upon true beauty. All her features were ideal her nose, her beautiful full lips and although I couldn't see her eyes because they were covered by her long eye lashes, I knew they were ethereal divinely placed to create the windows to what I can only assume is a pure soul. I held my breath to keep from hyperventilating when she lifted her eyes to look at me with the most beautiful honey colored eyes I had ever seen, I was expecting chocolate but even in this shade the same purity remained, nothing was lost in this color the same purity showed when she looked at me. "Bella" My mind screamed. "My Bella"

I stared at her unable to control myself, my eyes were glued to her beatific face, and I would pain me to look away from it, to wake up and realized once more I had only dreamt of her. I noticed that when she looked at me she seemed to recognized me too but her look went from incredulous to unsatisfied as if I was not what she expected and she was truly disappointed; Instantaneously my heart broke inside of me because I was not good enough and I truly wanted to be.

"Mr. Cullen." Jessica called and I felt both annoyed and thankful that she distracted me enough to look away, when I did look away from her my heart balled up in a corner on my chest feeling deprived of life that seemed to have come from her.

"You're Isabella?" I asked her after taking a moment to compose myself, when I looked back to speak to her I tried not to look directly at her because like the sun she would have blinded me. I was blinded and all I could see was her.

"Isabella Marie Brandon." When I heard her voice I was completely undone, my heart raced to leave my chest and implant itself into her chest, it was hers and no longer belong to me. My breathing spiked but I reminded myself that I was in a room full of easily forgotten students and regained control. I wanted to welcome her, give her a reassuring Forks is heaven speech but she smiled leaving me breathless and I unwillingly turned away from her almost tripping on a chair. 'Edward Cullen get a grip' I told myself.

I spoke to the class about whatever came to mind, but truly paid no attention to my own words, I played a few notes from the upcoming school play, which I was given the chance to direct, all the while all the engulfed my mind was her. I needed to hear her voice once more. She watched and listened intently at times making me very nervous, I felt as though she was the only in the room and I was speaking directly to her. As I watched her from the corner of my eyes I noticed her make a distasteful face and I could have sworn that she growled.

"Isabella." I said but the name felt wrong 'Bella' I wanted to say, but she seemed else where I called again and again when she finally looked at me she asked "Yes." Her tone dazed.

"Do you play any instruments?" I asked unable to hide the true interest the filled me.

"Yes." She simply answered. I wanted to smile at her disconnected expression; she looked as if she were having a hard time keeping one though on her mind.

"Which one?" I asked needing as much information about her as plausible.

She pointed to several instruments in the room as if realizing something she stopped at the piano her intelligent eyes wide.

"Play for us please." I almost begged gesturing to the piano.

"Okay." She instantly agreed.

Isabella stood up with an unmistakable grace leaving all the males in the room mouths agape, she sat in front of the old Baldwin piano, I never thought that beauty such as her existed, her exquisite hands reached for the piano hesitantly, her fingers ghosting over the keys. 'How long has it been since she last played.' I instantly felt bad for asking her to play. I recognized the action it was like that for me when I first started playing again.

"What should I play?" She asked.

"Let the keys guide you." I suggested, if you love music it flows through you like an endless river the music just comes to you and usually the music reflects your most inner emotions.

I watched silently as she closed her mind off to those around her allowing her fingers to find their way through the melody her heart strings played. I was amazed beyond words when the room was filled with an unfamiliar honey like melody, the sweetness of the song was palpable, and testable a jubilant melody that summarized love. Every note engraved itself in the very depths of my soul, this song was inexplicably mine. I felt it in every fiber of my being, my mind raced to memorize its beauty. The music progressed into a more extraordinary complex mixture of emotional melodies, with her eyes closed I saw the agony suddenly grip her as the music darkened into a mournful yet beautiful melodious sound.

"Mr. Cullen." Jessica interrupted and this time I was not happy, I put my hand up to stop her talking. "The bell rang." She informed me angrily.

"You're all dismissed." I waved my hand at the class without bothering to look at them or even listen to what they had to say.

I turned my attention to the angel whose feature even contorted in pure agony still looked beyond words; my heart ached inside of me feeling insufficient, helpless and responsible for her agony, I started to shed tears for this stranger I wanted to protect, to love. If a man ever loved from the moment he was born a woman he did not know, if a man's love only grew each day for this stranger he knew like the back of his hand, if a man would die for a woman I was that man; she was my siren and I was her willing shipwrecked fool.

When the last note rang in all its torturous glory her face fell, bowing down, her shoulder slumped she looked emotionally drained, unconcealed, vulnerable past words and my heart screamed inside of me.

"What is it called?" I asked trying to compose myself and my tone dripped admiration, love, confusion, anger, helplessness and so much more.

"Benjamin to the son of my joy and sorrow." Her voice was ragged with too much emotion and my body propelled me forward as I walked closer to her a realization hit me. 'She wrote it!'

"Did you write it?" My voice was filled with the pain I felt for her.

She looked up to see me in the eyes trapping me in the depths of her ancient soul, I had never experienced theses kind of emotions, not in my "real life" I knew this amazing composition was hers, I could see it in the unspoken conversation I was having with her. I felt as though I could see her through and through. I had to take a deep breath to steady myself for the rush of emotions that came over me was overwhelming, my eyes filled with tears my heart filled with a mixture of bliss, pain, happiness and helplessness because she was real and she wasn't mine.

"Everyone has left?" She asked confused by the empty room.

"Yes the bell rang a couple of minutes ago, but I couldn't make myself stop you." I confessed smiling apologetically, she smiled at me and my world spun as if her smile was just for me. I stared at her wishing more than anything that I could tell her how much I desired her, how I felt that she was already mine, than I pictured her calling me a cave man.

"There you are. I knew I would find you here." Nessie said from the door of the classroom, my sister being the perceptive being she is watched us carefully as Isabella and I faced each other, her green eyes opened wide as she read my body language, but her face shown with the compassion she felt as she read Isabella's.

"Hi." Nessie reached her hand towards Isabella.

"Sorry, I must go. It was nice to meet you both. I'm late for Spanish class." Her words were nervous and full of emotions, I imagine that she read in Nessie the same thing I did compassion to pain she had hidden I imagine from everyone.

"Good luck!" I called after her hoping she heard me.

I stood there for what seemed a long time, replaying the events of the last hour, I was very grateful to the free period I had.

"Ed!" Renesmee pulled my arm to pull me from my reverie.

"Yes Nessie what were you saying?" I asked unable to concentrate.

"I may be home late today. I want to run a few arrants." Renesmee informed me and it barely registered that something was bothering her.

"Are you okay?" I asked half dazed.

"Yeah, I am. I just have a few things on my mind and I need to work them out." Nessie was being vague on purpose and I wanted to give her space.

"Okay Nessie, I hope it works out." I told her sincerely putting an arm on her shoulder.

"Thanks Eddie. I love you." Nessie kissed me on the cheek leaving me alone.

I couldn't put into words or order the jumble confusing, heart wrenching pain, joy that I felt. I sat in front of the piano and began to piece her music together, I wrote down the notes as I remembered them. I played her notes letting them inside of my soul because I wanted to carry it in my heart, I wanted it to be a part of me and more importantly I felt the need to give it a different ending. I felt anxious to go home, to work on the new melodies that were taking over my mind. All I could thing about, all the filled my heart, my mind, my very soul was Isabella Marie Brandon. The angel sent to complicate every area of my life and I smiled thinking how much I was looking forward to living in disarray.

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I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, truly enjoyed writing. I am writing in EPOV for the next chapter. In chapter eight we will be back with BPOV but in between i will post a little something for Nessie and Jacob, just because we need a little werewolf inside. Please review and let me know if you liked my version of Edward. Thank you Stephanie Meyer for writing Twilight!


	8. Tied To You

**Author's note:**** I am finally done!! I know it has been a while and I am truly sorry for being neglectful. Please read and review… Next chapter will be in Bella's POV and I will include a character profile. I hope you like this chapter; it covers most of the story that has already happened. I hope you guys stick with me. I'm working on the next chapter and a short one shot lemon…hehehe.**

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Chapter 7****: Tied To You**

**Song: My Never, Congratulations and Balance Beam**

**Artist: Blue October**

It is a shocking thing to realize that life had no true beauty that you have walked on earth dumb, blind and deaf for an entire life. It is one thing to read about a feeling than actually living a moment when that emotion becomes yours. In my dreams William's love is very real to me; I am called William in my dreams and in them I feel something that has been unknown to me while I am conscious. I have in the past felt attraction towards the opposite sex; I dated a girl for two years in high school and another in college. Neither relationship worked out mainly because of my inability to truly fall in love with either girl. I had learned to have love for both but my world had never stopped and my heart had ever skipped a beat; I had never experienced the overwhelming joy that William shares with me when he lays eyes on his Bella. I Edward Cullen had never experienced it before today.

In my dreams I know what it is to love a woman without restrains, without reason and without thought. I remember once I wrote in my journal of William's first kiss with his Bella and what I remember is this:

**WPOV:**

The ride back to her was the longest of my life; I have been such gone a very long time and my anxiousness to see her was palpable. My father or Charles the man that has raised me as a son sat across from me, his quiet manner was always comforting. I am not very verbose and being in an enclosed space for a long time gets uncomfortable with a person who does not know how to keep silent. My mind was running wild imagining how it would feel to see my Bella's face again; I have loved her since the first moment I laid eyes on her. I think I believed her an angel, the purity of her eyes was striking to me even at the early age of eleven. When I left for school the worse moments were the moments I had time to think because I would miss her with more clarity. I took those moments to write to her and no matter how busy, I would always find time write to her, because getting her responses kept me going.

"William you must be excited to see Isabella again?" Charles asked.

"More than words can express." I found myself saying with enthusiasm and he smiled mischievously, I thought but dismissed it immediately blaming it on wishful thinking.

"Yeah I have missed my angels." Charles said sweetly, I knew that he didn't mean that for his wife but always kept it quiet.

I was very nervous when I saw the frame of the big house in the distance, I wondered if she missed me half as much as I missed her. When the coach stopped in front of the house, I expected her to run out happily and jump into my arms, followed by her loving father but no such thing happen. My heart ached because a million reasons to why she didn't come to me ran through my mind; she loved someone else, she stopped loving me. I was just a fool for believing she miss me as much as I had missed her.

Charles entered the big house being greeted warmly by Marie, his attention was all hers. I scanned the room restlessly looking for the reason my heart beat, I spotted my angel in a big chair reading a big volume and completely unaware of our presence again my heart ached. She was unbelievably more beautiful than I remembered. I gawked at her while her eyes diverted to her father and Marie. Bella's eyes met mine for a second or what felt like a million years, her glorious eyes were still the same kind, intuitive, pure, loving eyes I remembered. My heart stopped the world gave up rotating because I was in the presence of my angel.

"Where is Isabella?" Charles asked and I wanted to answer, however when she stood up I forgot how to speak altogether. She was absolutely mesmerizing, my tongue went dry, my heart sped up and it took all my strength, to keep myself from running to her and grabbing her in my arms.

"Hello Angel. Did you miss me?" Charles picked her face up and I felt a ting of jealousy because I would have given anything to touch her that way.

"Yes Papa." If angels were ever jealous she must have been the cause, for her voice was powerful enough to tear right through my soul and beyond. I stared unable to hide my awe but the sadness I heard in her voice confused me. Was she disappointed? Did Renee hurt her? I could kill her if I ever discovered her hurting Bella again.

"Hello Bella." I said my voice reflecting too much emotion.

"Hello Will." She curtsied and I bowed out of respect my heart ached to touch her, I wanted to wrap my arms around her, to pull her to my chest that has been empty without her.

I couldn't concentrate on anything all evening, pretending to follow the train of the conversations around me. I acted more animated than I would have usually. I stole glances at my love and caught her sad eyes a couple of times. Unable to contain the emotions that ran through me I looked away quickly.

"Did you meet any proper girls?" Laurent asked in his snake-like manner.

I didn't have time to answer his question, because Bella spoke asking to be allowed to leave the table. "I have a head ache Papa; may I please be excused for the rest of the evening?" I wanted to offer to help but Charles allowed her to leave. I noticed that she did not go up to her room, I sat at the table until I reached my limit and when I couldn't resist anymore.

"Sir may I go check on Bella. I should put this medical degree to use." I spoke to Charles as calmly as I could.

"Of course son, go ahead." Charles gave me permission and I left as serenely as my strained nerves would allow me.

I walked quickly once out of the dining room, to the place I knew I could find her; I grabbed a fleece on the way out. I took a deep breath when I noticed her breath taking silhouette in the dim light provided by the star filled sky. I rushed to her side wrapping the fleece over her; I used every ounce of control I had to keep from wrapping my arms around her. I stood there staring up at the sky blessing every star every heavenly being and deity for allowing me a life, a moment with the most perfect creature to have ever walk this earth. I found myself pulling her to me instinctively as a sob broke out of her; at first she embraced me, nevertheless just as quickly as the bliss of her arms around me came that same way it left me. Bella let her arms fall at her sides but I didn't let her go instead I kept close.

"Don't cry my Bella." I stroked her hair lovingly taking in her floral yet earthy scent. "Bella I have missed you terribly, you have not changed much My Bella." Referring to her scent it was the same except now it was more intense. "Still the same Bella" I spoke softly in her ear; she was still my beautiful Bella and that would never change, time had only made her more beautiful.

Bella pushed away from me angrily and I just stood there for a second confused by her rejection, I ran after her half in anger and half in concern. 'What had I done to her? Did she despise me? I have always known that she couldn't love me. I am not good enough for her. It would degrade her to marry a lowly doctor like me; I have nothing to offer her and could never give her what she deserved. Although I am beneath her I couldn't imagine life without her friendship. Life without her, just made no sense. I reached for her as she tripped and fell forward, I took her in my arms once more and she sobbed with fervor.

"Don't touch me!" she yelled furiously and my heart broke into a million pieces.

"Bella don't you love me anymore?" I asked her the question that undoubtedly would destroy my life.

"How dare you! How could you ever ask such an absurd question? Do you not know me? Has it been that long, do you not remember that? I do love you. I have always loved you more than mother, father and Marie. I love you more than anyone." As her face filled with undeniable irritation, her voice rose in indignation and I couldn't help but smile big at her words. My life was complete because she loved me.

Before I could register what was happening, Bella had put her soft hands on both sides of my face and than the most glorious thing happened. She placed her soft velvet-like supple lips in mine. Bella parted my lips and kissed me earnestly. I couldn't think or concentrate all I could focus on was her taste in my mouth. She tasted of sweet ripped strawberries; her earthy scent filled my taste buds and I was intoxicated by the power of her undiluted purity. My heart burned inside of me, my soul scorched by the heat that radiated through her body into me.

In a matter of seconds I thought of all the reasons I loved her and all the reasons of why I couldn't have her. I thought of the dishonor to her and her father if she married an unworthy candidate. I forced my arms to move, placing them on both her arms, I looked into her incandescent eyes sighing at the effect her beauty had on the deepest parts of me. I pushed her away as gently as I could.

"Bella we can never do that again." I said in the sternest voice I could manage, speaking mostly to myself.

"Why?" Bella she asked in a child like tone angrily, as if unable to understand my words. 'Because I am not good enough for you' I thought.

"I just don't feel the same way." I told the worse lie of my life. "We will never cross this line again." I reprimanded her sternly.

"As you wish. I will never kiss you again. I don't repeat mistakes." Each word was a sword to my heart, each wound more painful than the one before. What hurt the most was the blasphemy I committed, when I told her I didn't return her feelings.

As if such heresy could be true, the shocking painful look in her eyes was more than agonizing. I could see in them that, she truly believed that I could not love her. I saw the pain my rejection caused her it was unbearable, the blank emotionless look in which she called the kiss a mistake and the calm manner in which she left me standing in the dark of this terrible night. Tears flowed down my eyes, as I stared up at the sky quenching my fist until my hands were bruised from the strain. 'I will never feel her lips in mine. Again'

"William child what are you doing out here?" Marie asked in her sweet motherly manner.

"Nothing Marie I will be right in." I answered my voice strained.

"Oh William haven't you realized that I know you too well. You are a son to me and I know you are in pain." She placed her small hand on my shoulder. "I saw Isabella as she tried to sneak pass me in the kitchen, she was crying and I came out here to see why."

"Isabella doesn't understand certain things that come with duty and honor. She is very young and sheltered she will learn that life is not always how we wish it to be." The tone of my voice was that of a defeated man.

"Huh!" Marie huffed in frustration. "Duty never makes anyone happy, she will be miserable. I don't want that for her. I see Laurent he is a snake disguised, he will make her miserable." Marie was in a word irate at the situation.

Charles had informed me that a wedding was in our future between my Bella and his wife's second cousin that had come to visit from France. I listened knowing that it was something that would eventually happen; the rich marry the rich and no one would bless a marriage to a no name orphan like me.

"Her father is the authority, she must obey his decree and she will learn to accept it." My voice faltered at the end because the tears began to choke me.

"Her father is a fool and a coward." Marie said furiously "Do not follow him in the same path and condemn her to a life of unhappiness. Be brave William don't let my little girl suffer that way. I did not raise you to be a coward" Marie left running back to the house tears running down her beautiful face.

I stood there for a long time feeling powerless; I had no way to stop the one thing in my life that would sink my heart into an abyss. I loved Bella but I owed her father my life, my education, my livelihood, my past, my present and my future. How could I fail the person to which I owed everything including loving her?

**B2EPOV: **

The rest of the school day went by in a blur; I kept going back and forth between William's memories and my own. It was amazing how much both they resembled one another; however the real one was inhumanly more beautiful than the one in my dreams.

I know that I spoke to several people including Renesmee; however I could not recall one word that passed between them and me. I had just met this girl for the most fleeting moment of time and I felt as though my world had been turned completely upside down. I anxiously looked for her at the school. Inexplicably worried for her, I needed to see that she was safe, unfortunately I didn't see her again for the rest of the day. The frustration I felt was beyond me, since I could find no reason for the nagging feeling that she was in danger.

I was muttering to myself angrily walking around the house my temper getting the best of me. I have a patient disposition on regular days, however today was the exception. I decided to call Jacob to check on him, hoping that perhaps that dealing with someone else's problems would help me forget about my own.

"Hey Billie is Jake in yet?" I asked Jacob's father.

"Jacob is sleeping Edward, do you need him? I could wake him." Billie sounded concern and it was probably the result of my strained voice.

"No Billie don't worry, I just wanted to check up on him. Nessie was kind of mean to him this morning; he didn't take it too well." I could tell Billie anything because there were no secrets between his son and him.

"I know Ed. When he got home we spoke for a while and he calmed down enough to sleep a bit." I was perplexed because Billie sounded amused instead of concern.

"I feel like… like I have to apologize for Nessie's actions, she doesn't mean to hurt Jake, she is just overwhelmed by the whole situation. She can't find any logical explanation to her feelings right now." I seethed, my own confusion boiling to the top.

"I see, well sometimes things become clear when you push logic out of the equation. Some problems need unconventional solutions. Edward our world is full of magic, you just have to open your eyes and it will become clear. Take the blind folds off and the world will be an enchantment. And son don't worry about Jake your sister came by to see him, I will let him know when he wakes up." With that Billie brighten up my outlook, growing up I had always been in awe of Billie. He is a character to say the least even so aside from that, his wisdom and his insight into the world is refreshing and astute.

"Okay, Billie thank you for everything."

"Anytime son, Edward who ever this girl is that is driving you bananas, she is very lucky. It's about time, Jake will be very happy for you. One piece of advice if you don't mind; Love has no logic and as Shakespeare put it "Ay me! For aught that I could ever read, could ever hear by tale or history, the course of true love never did run smooth." Love has no time or space it has its own sets of rules and it never runs a straight line. True love is only for the brave and the strong in spirit. Just remember that when choosing to pick wisely because you can't fix stupid" Billie always had a way with words he would go from a witty comment to a verse from a masterpiece. For instance he could quote Shakespeare like no one else, but he could also quote Ron White in the same sentence.

"Thank you Billie, my dad would be so grateful to you for always looking out for me." I thanked my father's best friend.

"He would do the same." Billie answered his voice heavy.

"I know Billie; please let Jake know I called." I wanted to end the call inspiration had begin to flow during the conversation and my hands where itching for pen and paper.

"Okay son good luck." With that Billie hung up the phone. I ran up the stairs to my bedroom searching my room for some music sheet.

I sat down on the kitchen table, replaying the melodies from this afternoon in my mind and I began to write them down humming them as they came. Ten minutes into the process the phone rang, I let the machine get it too preoccupied with my task.

"Pick up Edward Cullen; I know you must be home." My grandmother hung up before I was able to reach for the phone. I grabbed the phone and dialed her number.

"Hello Nana." Nana picked up the phone after only one ring.

"Well hello young man, why didn't you picking up?" Asked

"Sorry Nana I was writing the notes to a song." I replied

"Oh I should have known. Have you started dinner to feed that skinny little sister of yours?"

"Umm." I had totally forgotten about feeding my sister.

"Ummm I guess that means no." Nana reprimanded.

For the next hour Nana stayed on the phone with me telling me about her trips to the French providence and through Italy. During this time she gave me step by step directions on how to make Nessie's favorite meal. Once everything was prepared Nana hung up the phone informing me that she would show up soon. "The Europe tour is almost done; once this is over I'm staying for a few weeks until the tour through Asia begins." She said her goodbye and hung up.

I ran up to my bedroom grabbing my Gibson hummingbird vintage acoustic guitar, I ran back to the kitchen, cleaned up all the while staring at my guitar that waited patiently on the chair closest to the back door. I served Nessie after wrapping the left-overs; I covered her dish and went outside. Once outside I picked up where I had left off humming, strumming and writing down the notes. I could remember the song exceptionally clear as if it were my own. The final note had haunted me the most; it was in a word agony.

That is what is inside of her agony and I wanted to alleviate it, nay I wanted to take it away. I began weaving my own melody to her final note letting the feelings she created in me flow. It sounded hopeful, confusing and eventually it almost infused into the more happy parts of the song. I could picture the happy ending in my mind as I added the notes that she inspired. Her image ran through my mind and I smiled to myself. I sat there day dreaming of her kisses, her smiles, her touch, imagining that they were reserved just for me.

"Ed where are you?" I heard Nessie call; I couldn't help but smile big, when I heard the happiness in her voice.

"Out here." I answered happily.

"Hey Nessie how was your afternoon?" I asked still looking at my music sheet. I could hear in her voice that something had changed since this morning her voice was no longer sad; she sounded happy.

"Good, I spend some time with Angela, Leah and Emily down in La Push." She answered casually but I could always tell the difference in her tone as she kissed my forehead.

"Leah asked a lot about you, she really likes you." She commented smiling mischievously and guilt ran through me; I took Leah out on a date a few months back and had not called her ever since. She must think me a jerk, I am just trying to save her the heart break. I noticed she liked me a little more than I had realized. Letting her believe one day I could fall in love with her, wouldn't be right. Leah is a beautiful woman, she is smart, kind and we grew up together and I feel comfortable around her. However I could never hurt her by trying to do something that would only cause us both pain and destroy our friendship.

"I know I just don't feel the same. I said hesitantly. "Billy told me he saw you, when I called for Jake but he was sleeping. I cannot understand how he can sleep all day long. He missed yet another day at the school in the reservation, how is he going to get his degree if he doesn't do his time at the school" I smiled at her hoping to change the subject about Leah and find out about Jake.

"Don't be so hard on Jake he is just got a lot on his plate right now" She defended Jake with fervor.

"Wow you are defending, Jake that is a new development." I was amused, as she blushed deeply and tried to hide it from me

"Thank you for dinner. You are the best big bother ever." she said changing the subject. I wanted to ask her to tell me what had happen between her and Jake but I didn't want to be intrusive. Instead I went right back to work, we sat quietly while I played and Nessie ate.

"What is that you're working on? It sounds vaguely familiar." Nessie asked after a few minutes, I knew she would recognize the melody clearly, even if she only heard a bit of it her ear is as sharp as mine and she was very musically gifted.

"It's nothing." I answered trying my hardest to sound dismissive.

"Right Edward, you didn't even eat dinner, just served me and came out here. This means more to you than you are letting me know." Why did Renesmee have to be so perceptive, I wanted to groan why did I have to be so easy to read.

"Come on Edward, I tell you everything about my life. Tell me now!" Nessie demanded as she set her empty plate aside.

I really didn't want to share this with her or anyone else for that matter; I took a minute to decide whether I should tell her the truth or try to lie but I could never tell Nessie a lie, she is just too observant.

I ran my fingers through my hair out of nervousness since explaining what I myself could not understand was a challenge. 'how can I tell Renesmee that Her sadness kills me, that I am enchanted by an angel, that my heart skips beats when I think of her, that I have only laid eyes on her only once and heard her voice only this afternoon but it seemed to be so familiar that I could pick it out of a crowd without hesitation.'

"I am" I said hesitatingly "Adding to a composition"

"Why Edward? That's not like you." Nessie asked casually but I could hear her concern for me.

"Well, today I heard an extraordinary piece of music and the sadness in which it ended impacted me in an unexplainable way. I feel an incredible need to add a happier ending to it." I grew sadder as I remembered those eyes full of too much pain.

"Who wrote it? Was it the girl from Mr. V's class?" I could see that Isabella had made an impression on her too "She is very sad underneath the surface she is hiding a lot of pain. I heard she was adopted, I wonder if the pain is something from her pass." My sister was sympathetic to her pain. I could tell that Nessie saw the same pain I did and felt empathy for her.

"Yes Renesmee. There is something about her. I can't explain it right now. I can't stop think about her (Isabella face was all I could see for a moment but I finished with when I focused) …song, it was excruciating." I tilted his head up closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

"She is very beautiful too" Renesmee commented casually but I could form no verbal response afraid of what I might say. "Edward I think you should stay away from her. I can't explain it but this pull you feel towards her is not normal, as if she has power over you. She may be a fascinating but she is still a student and you're soon to become a teacher. She is dangerous bro just trust me on this, nothing good could come of it." Renesmee warned me and the thought of not hearing her voice again was too painful...

"I know Nessie." I felt defeated. "I don't even know the girl, is that…? Well she is. I feel… Anyway it doesn't matter. You are right I will stay away from her." My sister looked at me full of concern and I had to look away from her into the dark forest.

"I'm going to call it a night and go to bed." I said still staring at the darkness. "You should too, is a school day tomorrow." I smiled at Nessie hoping to alleviate her worry.

"What about dinner?" Renesmee asked concern.

"I am not hungry Nessie, I hope it was good I called Grams to get the recipe to make it how you like it." I tried to smile brighter.

"How is Grams?" Renesmee continued.

"Same as always, stubborn and strong, she promised to come for a few weeks to check if I'm taking good care of you and myself." I laughed thinking of this afternoon, Renesmee laughed with me shaking her head.

"It will be so good to have her around." Nessie said lovingly.

"It will be nice to have her around." I agreed.

I gathered my things quickly needing some time alone, I kissed Nessie on forehead and headed inside. I took a shower for a long while, secretly hoping that today was just another dream and that tomorrow would go back to normal. Although I wished it was only a dream another part of me protested because she was real. I tossed and turned in my bed all night unable to get a wink of sleep anxiously waiting for the morning light, because it meant I would see her again. When my alarm rang I jumped out of bed heading to the bathroom in a hurry, I could hear that Nessie was already up which was odd since I always woke her up. After I showered and dressed I headed downstairs to find Nessie and Jake seating across from each other on the kitchen table. I walked in without a word ignoring the fact that they were holding hands on the table.

"Edward." Nessie said cautiously.

"Yes Nessie." I answered

"We wanted to ask you, if well, if you would be okay…if we." Renesmee was stuttering and her request was incoherent to say the least.

"Just be happy Renesmee, you guys both deserve to be happy. Al least now I won't see you torture Jacob anymore." I tapped Jacob on the shoulder laughing

"Who said now I'm going to be meaner?" Renesmee said giggling.

"But now it won't hurt because now you've admitted you love me." Jacob teased.

"I did, didn't I. well I can always take it back." She smiled evilly, Jacob pretended to be hard broken and she kissed him all over his face. "I don't take it back. I love you! You dumb mongrel." I was glad to see their banter not had changed. Much.

"Jake you know what will happen if you hurt Renesmee." I made a sign of slashing my throat.

"Thank you E Thank you so much." Renesmee showered me with kisses

"Enough!" I snapped playfully

"Thank you bro" Jacob half hugged me since Nessie was still attached to me.

"It's my pleasure to see you both in such bliss." It was a delight to see the two most important people in my life happy and happy with each other.

We sat around the kitchen table chatting, laughing and making fun of the past few months. I noticed that Nessie's smile was beyond happiness and Jacob was finally completely himself. They would touch each other every few minutes as if to make sure they were still in the room together, I felt myself growing a little lonely. They were perfectly in tune with each other's movements, an unconscious thing that happens to couples after many years of being together not something that happens in less than 24 hours.

"I going to leave, I want to be at the school early today." I informed them after a while.

"I'll take Renesmee, my rabbit is right outside." Jake volunteered.

"Okay just behave." I joked than stopped mid-way out of the room. "Seriously behave." I warned in a threatening tone this time.

"Oh my God Edward, Cool it! I hate it when you get all parental." Renesmee said embarrassed.

"I'm just... Well I know what guys think about." I answered completely embarrassed too.

"Save it Edward! Jacob is going to have to wait until he, marries me." Renesmee said blushing deeply and hiding her face in Jake's arm.

"Marry!" I was really freaking now. I never had to worry about boys before, mean Nessie had many admirers, however she never shown any interest in any of them. "What do you mean marry…? Renesmee you listen to me, you are going to college!" I could feel my face burning and I knew in the back of my head that I was a little irrational, nevertheless that didn't stop me. Jacob started chuckling amused no doubt at my expense.

"Chill Edward, I want the same, I want what's best for her. I would wait forever if that is what it took to be with her." Jacob started his speech jokingly but at the end Jake's eyes burned with sincerity.

Renesmee kissed Jacob lightly on the lips then she walked over to me hugging me tightly, tears running down her face.

"Thank you for loving me enough to do dad's job so well. I miss him every day but because of you I have had both a great bother and the best father." I caressed her hair letting her cry for a bit, my little sister/daughter.

"I love you Renesmee, even if you are a pain in the ass." I joked and Nessie wiped her tears throwing her head back to laugh. She let go of me and went to stand by Jacob.

"Okay now you can go to work." Renesmee demanded as Jake wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. 'I'm going to have to keep an eye on these two.' I thought walking out of my home. 'A very close eye'

Once in the car I put on my Harry Connick Jr. mix on, his music always seemed to relax my nerves and today was a day I would need to be very calmed. I decided last night when I was in bed that I was going to get to know this amazing woman. I was determined to be close to her as much as she would allow me. My first task would be to give her the sheet music from last night, which was the main reason I got up extra early to get to the music room early and finish it on the old Baldwin at the school.

I entered the classroom with too much enthusiasm; the school was empty with exception to Ms. Cope the receptionist. I took the extra hour of alone time to keep adding to the developing new ending to Isabella's song. I was in knots by the time the school started to fill up; I was beyond excited to see Isabella again. To look upon what had become to me in less than twenty-four hours the most divine face my eyes had ever seen. The night before I had set my resolve on getting to know this beatific creature more; the determination was easily found when I allowed myself to think of all the reasons why I needed to know her. Reasons that didn't have logic rhyme or reason, if an excuse was needed; I know I would come up with one. For example; she may need a tutor, which I truly doubted since her eyes shown with intelligence. Than I thought maybe I could recruit her for the school play, which would allow me ample time to get to know her. All night I thought of ways to get more time with her, I fell asleep dreaming of the moments I would get with her no matter how brief they would be.

The day went slower than usual; I was impatiently waiting for the moment I could speak to her, I had nothing in particular to speak to her about however any excuse would do. All I needed was to hear her voice once again, to hear its perfect angelic tone ring in my ears, like hearing music for the very first time or like that first time you lay eyes on your favorite painting. She was my starry night and as for Van Gohg with her in it the world seemed an enchanted place after all. The stars shined brighter and the world revolved smoother, things seemed all right in the universe and breathing was easier. Logic made no sense, time lost its weight or its pressure, I couldn't bring myself to think straight all my thoughts started and ended with her. The sun rose and set with her, I didn't care that I was irrational. I was completely out of my mind; however all I cared about was that she was in my life now. Class started and I was furious because she had shown up. 'Edward come down' I couldn't control myself. 'Had insanity take over me?' After looking at the clock every minute for ten minutes, she entered the class.

"Miss Brandon, see me after class." I demanded in the calmest voice I could manage, on the inside I jumped around happy as a kid in a candy store. She looked at me with confused, defiant agonized eyes and I went into my lecture with more energy. I counted the minutes, the seconds until it was appropriate to dismiss the class without looking suspicious.

"All right guys your all dismiss. Except Miss. Brandon you stay a minute." I waited until there was fifteen minutes left of the class and I couldn't wait any longer. I sat on the old Baldwin waiting for the class to empty all the students were excited to leave and it was emptied quickly. I looked over at Isabella who packed her things slowly, she looked deep in thought, but I was too anxious to hear her speak.

"Isabella, are you done?" I asked a little too impatiently.

"Almost" Her tone was rude if perfection could sound rude; I worked hard to show no emotion. "What do you need me for exactly? I would like sometime to myself like the rest of the class." Isabella rolled her beautiful eyes at me in what seemed pure annoyance, I felt completely stupid for putting so much hope on a conversation that had no real possibility of going well. I was a fool to think that something that had happened to me happen to her, I was a fool to think that she was as alter as I was.

"This won't take long I needed to ask you a few questions…about your composition." My voice was a reflection of the pathetic sadness that filled me. 'How could I allow myself to be so vulnerable to her? How come I couldn't be more immune to her? Why can she control me with such power?

"I'm not discussing that with you. You're being a little intrusive. Don't you think?" I was stunned by her acerbic tone, anger spilled in each word. I was in pieces by the time her sentence was done.

"I am sorry; I just wanted to understand how someone so young could have the ability to express emotions in such a clear unadulterated manner and through such a multifaceted musical masterpiece." My voice reflected the truest admiration

"Well I'm just much older than my physical age." This comment stuck me for some reason. "You're not much older than I am. What are you 22?" I nodded unable to control the erosion of emotions happening inside me, she picked up her stuff quickly and said. "I'm going to go now. Don't ever ask me to discuss that piece again; also I'm not interested in being psychoanalyst or in a friend." I was in a word disillusioned, I was left breathless and my chest hurt to the point of actual physical pain.

I had never been so out of control in my whole life, I was unorganized, snappy and depressed. On the outside things looked well, I smiled on cue, I spoke animatedly and I made it to all my appointments. But I gave my heart to nothing; I had no motivation or desire to enjoy anything. Focus was impossible, she ignored my existence everyday and it became more unbearable to see her and act as thought she was like any other student in the class. My sister spent every waking moment with my best friend, I acted normal around them and they were so wrapped in one another that the cloud of misery around me was lost to them. My world was falling apart; with in those four weeks after our brief conversation I lost my best friend, my sister and myself to love.

After two weeks couldn't deal anymore, I marched towards the main office, determined to get reassigned anywhere. I didn't care all I wanted was to be out of this torturous hell.

"Ms. Cope may I speak to Mr. Stanley, please."I asked breathless.

"Oh Edward, how fortunate, I was just about to call on you." Ms. Cope said blushing like a school girl.

"Is something wrong?" I asked worried.

"Just go right in hon."

I knocked on the door and Mr. Stanley responded with a "Come on in".

Principal Stanley had his eyes trained on a stack of papers and I stood to the side not to disturb him. "Oh Edward." The principal said when he realized it was me. "Have a sit son. I have good news." He motioned for me to grab a sit and I obeyed automatically.

"Mr. Varner is coming back next week, now you can attend your classes as before." The news instead of filling me with joy, it filled me with disappointment and the pain in my chest shot up in a panic. I tried hard not to show the turmoil ragging inside by remaining still and expressionless.

"Good news sir." I said deflated.

"You don't sound happy Edward. Is everything going well with school, you have always been such a bright kid." Mr. S said his voice filled with concern.

"I am Sir, I miss Seattle. I have to get going Mike is waiting for me at the library." I rushed out of the office without waiting for permission. My mind was in a haze of everything but relieve as I should feel, t the worst part was that I knew, I felt this way because I wouldn't get to see her everyday anymore. I walked to the library feeling myself fall apart inside, however I worked hard to keep it from my face.

"Hey Mike, what's up?" I greeted Mike with the most casual tone I could manage.

Mike looked up at me with a depressed worried expression, to be honest he looked green as if he were ready to hurl. In his hand he held a copy of Wuthering Heights.

"I can't understand a word." His expression befuddled.

"What chapter were we on last week?" I asked trying to hide my amusement. With Mike I had to learn to take it slowly, 2-3 chapters at a time.

"Chapter nine." Mike answered looking at his notes. 'Ah great' I thought 'Just great."

"Okay do you know what we already review?" I was going to regret tutoring Mike today.

"Well that selfish chick…Catherine. Just finish telling Nelly about her dream and how Heathcliff was not good enough for her." My heart ached more, I could understand exactly how Heathcliff felt when he realized, that Catherine looked down on him.

"She does say that because he lacks social standing. However if you read further she also says." As searched for the page where Catherine's words were immortalized I heard, the voice that sounded like a choir of angels.

"Alice, there is nothing that I don't already own in this library. Why did you bring me here?" Isabella asked her pixie like sister and I held my breath, Catherine's words rang in me as I found them and they popped out from the page and out of my lips.

**"I cannot express it; but surely you and everybody have a notion that there is, or should be an existence of yours beyond you. What were the use of creation if I were entirely contained here? My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning; my great thought in living is himself."** My face automatically rose to meet her eyes, eachline became my own **"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the Universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it. My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods. Time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees — my love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath — a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Heathcliff — he's always, always in my mind — not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself — but as my own being — so, don't talk of our separation again — it is impracticable.**"

I was Catherine and unlike her I was able to express those feeling to my Heathcliff, her darkening eyes looked perplexed as she remained locked in my eyes.

"Wow Edward, that was so gay. You said it like you mean it." Mike laughed out loud and I released her by looking down. "Nobody feels like that…no one talks this way anymore, why do we have to read such garbage." Mike was as always, oblivious of all that had meaning.

"All I know is that we have to. Tell me what about Catherine's confession captures you the most." I continued to tutor Mike until the bell rang. And then I was free to dwell on that brief moment, I shared with my favorite living work of art.

As I left the classroom after the last class of the day, I bumped into a small frame.

"I am so sorry." I said almost chocking on the words.

"Hi, I'm Alice Brandon." Alice extended her gloved hand to me and I shook it.

"Hello Ms. Brandon." I answered blushing.

"Why so formal. Anyways I wanted to get a good look at you." Alice smiled brightly and turned on her heels to walk away.

"Why?" I shocked out hoping to learn more about Isabella.

"You look like someone, and I wanted to get a good look at you to compare the resemblance." Her voice was a mixture of pained-happiness.

"How do you like Forks? How does your entire family like it here?" I asked wanting to know only about one particular person.

"We like it… Especially Izzy, she likes it very much. Sometimes she feels lonely, however that is to be expected, in a family of pairs. Sorry how silly of me, you can't be interested in my family's insignificant details" She smiled mischievously.

I didn't know how to answer her, my mind screamed at me. 'Beg her to tell you more about her.'

"Isabella is single?" I asked unable to restrain myself.

"Yes, that girl is the pickiest person I know. Worse part is that when she likes someone, she pushes them away."Again her mischievous smile spread across her face. I stood there watching her unable to grasp her words. Was she telling me to have hope? If the was the case than why? How could she possibly know?

"See you later Edward. Think about what I said." With those final words she danced off in the opposite direction.

When Alice reached the end of the hall way she jumped and as if she had timed it precisely, she landed on Jasper's back and he smiled big at his tiny attacker. The scene was torturously sweet, they reminded me of an old married couple but still very playful. He beamed as he looked at her gorgeous face, taking the hair out of her eyes; he leaned down and kissed her passionately. I walked away thinking of how this scene would make Isabella feel. She must feel the way I feel, when I see Nessie and Jake. Alone.

I had no way of approaching her, the two weeks that Principal Stanley had given me were up and I was too much of a coward to let the class know. I drove to the school after pacing around my house all day; I didn't go to Seattle as I planned. I needed to feel near her, I parked my car outside of the school and grabbed my bag. I felt some relieve knowing I was near her, maybe now I could study a little. I moved stealthily to the back of one of the unused buildings. I stood there finally breathing for the first time in the entire day. 'She's inside.' I thought happily. Suddenly I was startled to see an angry Isabella, she stomped her way to the back of the building. She sat down, well plopped down angrily, muttering to herself. It was the cutest scene I had ever seen, although some part of me felt almost afraid of her. I moved as quietly as I could possibly move, trying to give her privacy.

However by her body language I could tell she knew someone was with her. Not to frighten her I decided to let her know of my presence.

"Hello Isabella." My voice had a trace of the amusement I was feeling. My heart stopped in anticipation of her beautiful voice.

"Hi" Her voice was undeniably the most attractive sound in the world.

"Is this seat taken?" I asked nervously. "May I join you?" I was hesitant.

"Yes, Please do" Isabella's voice rang through every inch of me, my heart raced non-stop at the sound.

"I think you and I started on a weird note." I spoke first in attempts to break the ice.

"What do you mean?" Her voice sounded confused.

"I mean I think we should start over. Maybe we can be friends, because I would really like that." I babbled nervously, almost expecting her to laugh at me.

"Okay, how do we start over?" She asked bemused. "I'm not a good friend to have. It would be ill advice of you to keep such a friend as me." I heard the warning, however I felt safe with her.

"Well I think a reintroduction would help. I answered happily. "Hi my name is Edward Cullen, you must be Isabella Brandon. That should do it." I smiled up at her. In return I received the gift of hearing her laughter, as she laid her head on her jeans. I had never been jealous of fabric until this day.

"Since we are friends now, May I ask you why you are here? Aren't you supposed to be in Seattle?" I was too happy at her question.

"Well I didn't need to go today (I lied) I'm ahead of schedule and I didn't want to be home alone. I missed… the school." More like 'I missed you'.

"Are you gifted?" She asked curiously.

"Gifted? I don't understand." I felt myself redden, completely embarrassed by my nerdy ways.

"You're intelligence is above average, most humans are not as quick to learn or assess certain situations and you catch up extremely fast." Her words peeked my curiosity.

"Most humans… hahaha you act like you're not part of the same race." I laughed but somehow her words started to piece together a picture in my mind. As if it was solving a puzzle, however the result was unknown.

"Sometimes I feel like I am a completely different species." She laughed, however her body had stiffened noticibly.

"I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I am not meant for my time, like I am living someone else's life and mine is waiting somewhere else. Do you ever feel like you are missing pieces and it's too hard to see where they are?" If she only knew how odd, my life had always been.

"Yeah I know what you mean, sometimes is hard to see a way to make things whole without taking pieces that do not necessarily belong to you." Her words again took hold of me and attached themselves to the ones from before. Silence filled the air and I tried to understand, my own mind. 'What is my subconscious seeing that I don't'? I couldn't be sure, however I felt as though our conversation had more meaning, that the words on the surface.

"May I ask you why you aren't in class?" I asked curiously.

"I needed some fresh air I guess. I'm thinking about dropping the class to have a free period. I love music but sometimes it is much easier just to love it alone. No one seems to understand how… much of a gift it is to have it as available as it is these days. I was very fortunate and Papa brought tons of sheet music home, the piano was my favorite toy growing up. In the old days not many people had access to music." My eyes grew wider as I heard her words. I couldn't understand yet but her words were important to the puzzle. "At least that's what I've read." She laughed nervously.

"I think I know exactly what you mean. That is one of the reasons I wanted to teach music, I wanted. Share my love for it with others." I laughed.

I shifted my body to face her and it brought me a little closer to her.

"Why?" I hesitated.

"What do you want to ask?" Isabella looked up and I gasped out loud. Her eyes that were light and honey colored before were now onyx.

"Why are you…sad? Your eyes always reflect pain." I saw it in them. The pain and I could feel it as if it were my own.

Her eyes were still as beautiful this color as the lighter one. I wanted to ask why they were a different. However something, an instinct I think, kept me from inquiring. 'Why am I scared?'

"What…Umm…I." Isabella seemed taken off guard.

"Your eyes, they are full of… grief. I can recognize it because I can see it in my own eyes. You don't have to deal with it alone you know. Many people go through it all around you." I continued without thought, I may never get this chance again. "All you need is to find someone who understands and well if you want I can listen" My heart was opened to her and I couldn't close it again. She seemed to be debating on whether to answer me or not.

"I lost my family a very long time ago and I can't forget. I don't want to forget, the pain keeps me from forgetting." Her voice faltered and I fought every urge to wrap my arms around her.

"You're afraid to forget how much you loved them? How much they meant and every moment you shared in their company?" I knew exactly how she was feeling.

"Who do you grief for?" Her voice was sweet and full of concern.

"My Parents. I'm an orphan like you" I simply answered.

"How old were you when they passed?" Her voice was sympathetic.

"Renesmee was 12, therefore I was 17years old." I put my head down on my knees inhaling deeply than exhaling slowly. I still felt there lost.

"It must have been hard to deal with so much at such a young age, my papa died when I was 16 years old but that was ages ago." Her words took me off guard.

"Ages ago but aren't you just 18?" I was in a word perplexed.

"Yeah I guess because I live in such a different environment that it feels like another life." Her explanation didn't make sense. However I did not want to intrude.

"You lost all of your loved ones?" I asked unable to resist.

"Almost, I have some distant relatives in Europe and here in the US. However I am not close to them." Her smile reminded me of the Mona Lisa. This woman was full of secrets too.

"Tell me about your parents, what kind of people were they?" Isabella asked, surprising me.

"My mom was the most amazing mom and she was the very best cook. Her name was Jane Mason-Cullen; she went to college to the University Of Seattle where she achieved a master's in history. However when Nessie was born she stayed at home because Nessie was a sick baby. Mom always told us stories before we went to bed of the tribal myths and legends of the people in La Push; she loved their history and was best friends with my best friend's mom. We always spend the weekend in La Push at the beach with the Blacks. My dad was not very expressive but he showed love in many ways, he was the sheriff of this town by the time he was 25years old. We had breakfast together every morning and dinner was never a quiet event as we all discussed the day. My dad loved to fish and almost every time he had time off from work he would go fishing with Harry Clearwater and Billy Black, The reservation has been a second home to Nessie and me always." I stopped realizing had said, too much in one breath.

"How did they pass away?" Isabella asked hesitantly.

"A car accident, I saw it happen. It was a Sunday afternoon and we were at the beach with the Blacks as usual. We were going back to regroup at the Blacks and Renesmee insisted on going in the truck with Billy Black because she and Jacob were inseparable, so it was decided that the children would go in the truck with Billy and my dad would drive my mom, Mrs. Black and Rebecca black the eldest back to the house. On the way back my father had a seizure and they crashed into a kitchen and the car exploded killing all of them as the rest of us watched in shock from Billy's truck."

"I wonder if Nessie remembers that, if it wasn't for her we would have been killed that day also." It was easy to tell her. I felt such a sense of safety with her, as if I could always be honest without any fear.

"I am very sorry." She hid her face in her jeans again.

"Thank you." I said.

"It is very hard to forget when you see someone you love die tragically." Had she experienced such a thing?

"How…how did you lose your family?" I wanted to know, to help her heal and forget.

"It's very murky, the memory at least. Like I said before it was a long time ago, the only thing that remains clear and unchanging is the pain. That stays with you forever." Her voice was filled with sincerity. I understood that she was not ready to discuss anymore details on this particular subject.

"Do you ever feel like there is a reward at the end of the road for having endure and suffer this much pain?" I asked.

She remained silent for a moment and then she said. "Yes I think so. Humans deserve true happiness after having endured pain. There must be some form of paradise for those who bring love, happiness and kindness to the word." She smiled blinding me. I loved her already and I could care less about logic or reason.

"What is your definition of heaven?" I asked looking away from her, before I lost control and confessed. Since I was currently in my own personal heaven, I needed to know.

"What do you mean?" Isabella seemed to be confused by my question.

"Well I was reading a book the other day and it made me think about how I define heaven. Everyone has their own definition, idea or opinion of what heaven is. I wanted to know what is yours." She looked up, meeting my eyes and I was frozen in place. Like a prey in front of its predator, I was trapped in her, unable and unwilling to move.

"I don't know that I belong in heaven." Isabella's sadness pierced me.

"Why... Why don't you belong in heaven?" Her words always held more meaning, when she answered without hesitation. My brain went on alert again.

"I don't believe that heaven is made for everyone. I don't think that heaven is actually something you only get when you die. Heaven can be right here right now." The sincerity of her voice put my heart on over drive.

"You and Catherine Earnshaw have that in common. Tell me who your Heathcliff is?" I asked jokingly.

"I guess, like Catherine I wouldn't be happy in heaven, because my Heathcliff wouldn't be there. I would be miserable eternally without him and nothing could ever bring me joy again if it wasn't Heathcliff. But I have no Heathcliff and no heaven." She turned to look at me smiling, as I rudely stared at her. She turned her face away almost embarrassed.

"You know you have very intimidating eyes. They seem to see more than the surface; I'm scare you can see right through me." Isabella confessed and my heart screamed inside me.

"Why is there something you don't want me to see?" I asked in a serious tone.

"No. I don't mind but I'm not sure that is good for anyone to have access everyone's secrets. It's must be a burden to have such access to things that you may not want to know." Isabella seemed to be speaking experience.

"Do you keep many secrets?" I couldn't help my curiosity.

"Some, maybe one day I'll tell them to you." Isabella smiled mischievously and I laughed.

"I'll figure you out Isabella. I guarantee it." I promised her and myself.

"I wish you wouldn't try, some things aren't worth discovery and are better left undiscovered. I can be a very dangerous creature sometimes" She warned again and I could hear the real threat, however my need to be near her suppressed any fear.

"I'll be the judge of what is worth discovery and what is better left alone. Okay?" I answered as she buried her face on her jeans.

"Come with me?" I extended my hand, to help Isabella up.

"Where are we going?" She asked standing on her own.

"The Bell rang." I pointed to the kids in the distance.

"Wow how weird I didn't hear it." She seemed unusually put off by this.

"Neither did I. the students walking around made me realize it. We are kind of secluded back here no one would have heard it; unless they had superpowers." I laughed and she seemed uncomfortable with it but laughed along with me.

"Oh I didn't realize how far we are from the regular buildings." Isabella was one fascinating creature.

"We can continue this tomorrow. If you'd like, we could meet here on purpose tomorrow." I requested nervously and Isabella nodded smiling happily. I stayed behind watching her walk away from me. 'I already feel empty' I mused inside and I couldn't help but smile. 'Till tomorrow.'

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Please Review!!!! PLZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	9. Choices and Revelations

**Author's note:** I want to start by apologizing for taking too long, I won't bore you with the details of my delay. Just know that it has been a stressful couple of months… I wasn't sure how to feel about this chapter when I first wrote it, however now I love it. I hope you all at least like it. Let me know if you don't…

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Character of the day:** Carlisle

**Date of Birth:** 1785, London

**Age:** About 224 yrs old

**Hobbies:** Medicine, amongst others, but medicine is his calling

Carlisle is a compassionate being; he always knows how to show kindness in any situation. He was turned at the age of 25 by a crazed vampire and although he tried to chance his fate eventually he accepted his fate. Carlisle is the greatest scientific mind that has ever existed and in the late 1920's he was in Italy working with the Volturi on a secret project, which till this day only Esme knows what it is. There he met Esme and they fell in-love, thanks to Carlisle Esme were able to accept the vegetarian diet they live on now. Although Carlisle believes in science, above all he believes that we are all in this world because of a higher being. His family is everything to him and he would do anything to keep harm from them, even if it meant losing himself in the process. He is dearly beloved by all his children, although he is not their creator, he is respected as father.

Song: I didn't listen to just one song for this one is a long list

Artist: Paramore, Alicia Keys, Sin Banderas and many more…

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Chapter 8:** Choices and Revelations

I walked through the hallways feeling extremely happy, I was feeling very human. My silent heart seemed to be filling with new found life. I had let my guards completely down and my Vampire mind was over taken by my human feelings. 'Oh no!' I thought as my body became heavier as I walked.

"Emmett, help me." I whispered as I caught his thoughts in the hallway. In a few seconds Emmett was by my side taking me into his arms.

"Bells what's wrong, oh my God." His eyes went wide as my body started to shake in his arms.

"Get me out of here." I begged Emmett.

My body was now near compulsions and the hallway was filling with people. I could hear people's thoughts but their minds were all mixing together. I couldn't separate them and I couldn't shut them out. It took all I had to stop myself from screaming in pain, my head felt as it would explode.

"Bells hold on, I'm so sorry but I have to keep a human's pace. Everyone is watching. Guys let's go." Emmett carried me in his arms and my family followed each coming from different areas of the school. Alice's face was full of horror and if she could I know she would have been in tears. The last thing I saw before losing consciousness were shocked, concerned, desperate green eyes. "William" I said reaching to him and I was pulled into nothingness.

I ran through endless nothingness, I was in an empty black whole. I searched and searched but found just more nothing, I sat down to cry. My looked at my hands filled with actual tears. "I'm shedding tears, why? I am no longer human."Suddenly a light appeared in the distant and I ran to it with all my might.

"Hello Bella." His voice was the most soothing sound in the world. I had been avoiding him for weeks now. Ever since the day he had returned to me.

"Well hello, William." I answered acidly.

"Are you ridding today?" William asked as I settled my horse.

"Of course, are you blind?" I was a little belligerent to say the least.

"Could join you?" I looked up to say no, however his piercing sad eyes broke my resolve.

"If that is your wish" I retorted angry with myself. 'I am a weak woman'

William did not speak one word; he started to settle his own horse instead. Once ready we rode out, at first I was a proper lady, riding calmly through the fields but when I reached the parts were I could not be seem from the house. I rode more wildly, I loved riding. William had taught me and it was my favorite pass time. I loved feeling free and unrestricted. William kept pace with me, however it soon turned into a race and we laughed together. When we reached the river, we stopped and tight the horses to one of the trees near the river. I laid down on the grass, the day was such a beautiful day and I wanted to feel the sun against my skin.

"You still as free as a child." William said his voice bitter. I opened my eyes wide with anger, I stood up and walked around a bit, trying not to snap at him. I would ignore him and keep my beautiful day. William faced the water, his back to me and I growled angrily.

"I am not a child. I. Am. A. Woman!" I yelled sounding like a childish.

William did not move, he remained still and I grew more frustrated. I wanted to hurt him, how could he not see me. I was no longer a child, I was a woman, I was an adult and I was in love with an imbecile. I removed my dress staying in my undergarments. I thanked heavens as I blushed that my breast were quite large and my body curvy.

"Look at me!" I yelled at him. William turned to look at me and his eyes went wide, his face was redder than I had ever seen it.

"I am no longer a child." I said blushing deeply, the look in his eyes made me feel subconscious and my body felt like it was burning.

"Put your dress back on. Someone might come and witness your lack of propriety. Think of Charles, this would be shameful to him." William spoke unemotionally and the look he wore before was gone, the look changed to cold and distant.

I walked back to where my dress was, the tears were flowing easily as I dressed. He didn't find me attractive at all, my body was not appealing or tempting to him. I was a fool to think that I could be wanted by him; he lived in town for four years. I bet he had seen many beautiful women and was probably already in love.

"Why are you crying?" William's voice turned sweet.

"I was realizing, what a stupid and insignificant woman I am. I guess marrying for honor will suit me well." I smiled at him and it ached as I believed my own words. Mama was right, no one could ever find me beautiful, I was pale, my eyes were just plain brown and my hair was just as plain. "Let's go back now." I turned to walk away and William remained still.

"You are everything; you are the sun and the stars. If you didn't exist my world would be sad, lonely and nothing would have color or meaning. I love you Bella with my entire soul, however I owe your father everything. It would degrade his home to have me as a son in-law; I have nothing to offer you." His words were shocking; each word was a contradiction of all the things he said before.

"You love me?" I asked sobbing, my hand pressed against my fragile chest. My heart felt as though it would collapse with happiness, nothing else he said matter. "Answer me! Did you say that you loved me?" I demanded.

"I did, however that is irrelevant we cannot be." William was defeated by circumstance and duty nevertheless I was not going to let that rule me.

"It's irrelevant that you love me? Is it also irrelevant that I love you and that I will never be happy without you?" I asked breaking into pieces.

"It must be." William answered keeping his emotions in check.

"I will have to marry Laurent, I will be his wi..fe . I will be his. I would rather die a slow death than let that snake touch me." My emotions were on explosion mode, anger, helplessness, disgust, sadness and yes happiness.

William wrapped me in his arms; my arms were around his waist in no time. Nothing had ever felt as good as being in his arms, I could drown happily in his scent. He smelled of scented water, herbs and his masculine scent mixed with the scents of his trade.

"William I can't live without you, I want to be yours." I looked up from his chest, begging with every inch of my soul that if there was a God he would give me this man.

"Bella you can have me, but I am not worthy of you." His voice faltered

"You're mine then?" I asked

"Yes, I am yours to rule and command." He smiled weakly.

"Kiss me." I demanded

"As you wish." William bent down, placing his hands on my cheeks than he traced his hands down to my shoulders, still keeping his gaze on me. He tasted my bottom lip first, slightly tugging at it than my top and the passion that was stored up inside of me explode it. I intensified the kiss slipping my tongue in his mouth and he gasped surprised. Lost in the kiss, he pulled me up towards him hugging me closer to his body. He broke the kiss leaving us both breathless, his green eyes ablaze; I was both excited and terrified by their intensity.

""We can continue this tomorrow. If you'd like, we could meet here tomorrow." William smile mischievously at me and my happy days began.

"Isabella can you hear me?" Carlisle asked in his medical voice.

"Come on honey, please open your eyes." Esme begged me.

My whole family surrounded me, each filled with concern. They had discussed leaving Forks while I was in my episode. Emmett was already planning on packing, Rosalie was searching for tickets on the internet and Alice just sat on a chair searching the future. All she could see was uncertainties but one thing was clear, I would not leave Edward's side.

"We are not leaving." Alice spoke up, looking at me.

"What?" Rosalie Snapped

"Bells won't go, if she stays, I stay. Will you leave me Jasper?" Alice asked her mate.

"I would sooner give up my existence." Jasper simply answered.

"We stay." Carlisle spoke for himself and Esme.

"Rose." Emmett looked at his wife and she grimaced in agreement.

"Marvelous, we get to spend more time in Forks." Rosalie celebrated sarcastically.

"Thank you very much everyone." I tried getting up, however I fell back down.

"Isabella, these episodes…they weaken you. Your senses get lost; your Vampire nature is suppressed. It is too dangerous, when you are in contact with him. When you spend any private moments with him, it will trigger them." Carlisle warned. 'Please Isabella, I cannot lose my daughter' his father's love for me seeped into his mind.

"I can't stay away Carlisle. I won't. It hurts to be away from him, my body calls him, my mind and even my dead heart. He is in every cell of me. Only if I become a danger to him will I force myself to leave." Only the thought made my dead heart ache.

My family sympathized with me; all of them knew what love could do to a vampire's mind and body. The compulsion to be near the loved one was beyond undeniable, when it happened, if it happened. The vampire altered could not refuse it, deny it or control it.

"We'll find a way to solve this dilemma. You should know that I believe that the only solution is turning him." Carlisle spoke the words out loud for everyone else's benefit.

"I know however…I will not turn him into a monster." My family accepted my decision except Alice, she was sure that he would be one of us.

"He won't." I exploded and the room was suddenly hit by a gush of wind forming a whirlwind around me.

"Calm down Bells. You'll destroy the house. Jasper!" Alice shouted.

Jasper tried to calm me, however a shield seemed to have formed around me and he couldn't find my emotional presence in the house. I could see what I was doing,but I had almost no control of it, I was enraged, my body flooded with an ancient need to protect, it was animalistic, raw and uncivilized.

"Bells, calmed down the storm will get bad and hurt innocent people. You must calm down; this power is too much for you right now. You're a danger to everyone including your human." Alice managed to give me reason enough to calm down.

"What are you?" Rosalie asked

"She is a Vampire, one with a lot of power." Alice said with wide eyes.

"Cool!" Emmett laughed, his eyes glowing with the challenge, I presented in a fight.

My entire family stared at me with new found respect and fear. They had never seen me like this before; we knew vampires could gain powers as they grew older. However our powers were never this dominating specially with natural elements.

I stared around the room, terrified that I could do something like that. Wide eyed my family tried to understand what I was. What I was? I am me; at least that is what I thought. Now I wasn't sure.

"If I become a danger to anyone, I will disappear." I said answering their fears.

"We won't let you, we are all a family."Rosalie surprised me by saying. They all agreed whole heartily.

"I need some time alone." I said turning away from them. "Thank you all."

I needed to hunt; I would go as far as California, just to hunt something ferocious, something that would fight back. A deer does not fight back and they are easy targets, I needed to kill something angry, defensive and territorial. I ended up going to Edward's home, just to check on him, when I arrived he was having a heated conversation with someone in his backyard. Her hands started shaking and her eyes began to redden, she was volatile to say the least.

"Leah, why are you in this state." His eyes were wide; her naked stated seemed to be lost to her.

"Why haven't you called me?" She screamed and her whole body began shaking with anger.

'Oh my God, she is turning. But she is a female they don't turn.' My mind raced through the need to protect my secret and the need to protect him. My body moved on its own before, my mind found the answer; I was strolling towards them at faster than human speed. Leah's head snapped my way and then she really started shaking.

"Blood sucker." She said menacingly.

"Edward, please get inside and don't come out no matter what you hear or see. Do you understand?" I spoke as calmly as possible, he stared at me shocked. I wished I could read his mind more than anything. "Please Edward, get inside." I growled and he nodded.

"Don't speak to him."Leah voice became distorted and her body transformed as she ran towards me.

"Bella, be careful!" Edward screamed at me using William's nickname for me. For a millisecond I was frozen, however my vampire mind had taken over. I charged Leah with and with a hard smack that sounded like thunder she felt to the ground. She stood up and charged again she wrestled me, to the ground her teeth digging into my arm. I grabbed her by her neck lifting her in the air, just as I was about to snap her neck, I remembered Edward was watching. I looked back at him, he was on his knees on his porch, his green eyes confused and terrified. I saw in his eyes what I looked like; I was a monster, a mythical creature that shouldn't exist. I turned to look at the volatile creature I held in my hands, her eyes filled with rage. Suddenly a pack of wolves surrounded me, Jacob at the lead. Their minds like her's were filled with murderous thoughts. Jacob took Leah from me, while two other wolves restrained me. I stood there about to die and all I could think about was Edward, I was finally able to see my William again after 400years. Dying in the place of him didn't seem like such a bad thing, I smiled at him.

"I missed you William. I am so glad that you are safe." I said to Edward and closed my eyes.

"Don't hurt her!" Edward yelled running towards me, one of the wolves went to attack him. Rage took over me and the ground around his feet came apart and he sunk into the earth. I managed to free myself from the two that held me. I growled like a hurt lioness, standing in front of Edward in a fighting stands. Jacob saw the way I protected him and in his mind there was confusion, it was his job to protect Edward, not mine. Then why was I the one protecting him.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" I asked Edward.

"No, I'm fine. How is your arm?" His voice was soothing and for just a moment, I forgot where I was.

"It's healed." I said turning slightly to look at him.

"What are you? What are they?" He asked.

"I'm a vampire surrounded by eight shape shifters that hate me." I said almost laughing. "When I tell you to run do it." I added.

"NO. I won't run. I'm not leaving you." Edward was determined; he moved to stand beside me.

"What are you, stupid? You are just human. What can you do?" I stared at him with anger.

"I'm staying!" His eyes were brilliant as he yelled at me.

"I don't want you to die, please leave." I begged. Leah howled and suddenly our little fight was over.

"Jacob, what is the meaning of this?" Renesmee entered the backyard and strolled towards the biggest wolf in the pack and smacked him. Jacob turn from her and ran into the woods, she stood there staring all the wolves down one by one.

"Renesmee, why did you call the beast Jacob?" Edward spoke.

"Because he is Jacob, that one is Embry, Quil, Jared, the one stuck on the ground is Paul, Sam, ect... pretty much all your friends." She looked at her brother as if relieve that she could share this with him. Edward reached for my hand, I guess to keep himself with us.

"Don't touch her!" Renesmee warned wide eyed.

"Why?" Edward asked.

"She's a monster." Renesmee answered.

"Is she?" Edward asked. "Is Jacob a monster too?"

"No, he is still human. She is not human anymore." She looked at me and then turned away.

Jacob emerged from the woods in his human form, bare foot and bared chest wearing jean cut up shorts. In his mind I could read the discomfort in being in front of me in human form, Quil and Embry were ready to pounce on me if I made a wrong move. It was odd the more time I spent around the pack the more I felt like I knew them. Quil, Embry and Jacob all had a very strong bond and they all loved Edward like a brother. In my heart I found it hard to hold hatred for them, how could I hate them when all they wanted was his protection?

"Ed I'm sorry you had to find out like this." Jacob said his eyes filled with remorse, he scratched the back of his head. "It's against the law to tell anyone outside the pack, elders and lovers." He glanced at Renesmee who despite herself blushed.

"It's okay Jake; I knew something was wrong with you." Edward answered jokingly. Then he looked around and his eyes were filled with curiosity, I almost smiled at his inquisitive mind. The more time I spent around him the more I began to understand how different he was from everyone else. His mind was a wonderland and a rarity that must be why I was denied access to it, because his was a challenge to any who dared try to unravel it.

"Edward please don't interfere here, she is not human, she is dangerous and if she was hunting you we must kill her." Jacob explained to Edward. 'Hunting him I would never' I couldn't speak my mind was getting weaker and since I had just awoken from an episode, my body was still recovering.

"She was not; she saved me from Leah's anger." Edward pointed to the wolf that struggled to set herself free. I growled at her and shifted my weakening body to stand in front of Edward, in a defensive stage. The need to protect him cleared my mind and I felt my body becoming stronger again, I wrapped my power around him forming a shield. The wolves stared at me confused as they all sensed my shield around Edward and my protective attitude.

"If she touches him, ill rip out her throat and anyone that tries to stop me." I threaten low and menacing. Jacob cocked his head to the side to better look at me, he recognized this feeling because it was what he would feel for Renesmee.

"Your only one small vampire, what can you do?" Jacob asked laughing but the smile didn't reach his eyes, he was curious of what I could do.

"You'll be surprise mongrel; I'm over 400years old and a lot more powerful than you think. I would die fighting your pack but I would take at least half of you with me." I hissed letting them see my strong fangs. But my anger made me reckless and I confessed more than I should have, I heard Edward take a breath to steady himself, I looked his way to make he was still with me.

"Don't be frightened, I could never hurt you. Never." I assured him. He smiled weakly at me and his hands shook. "Please go inside and take your sister." I instructed.

"No!" They both answered.

Leah managed to get loose and she changed at Edward before she finished her thought I took her down. I pinned her to the ground holding her so tight the bones in her arms shattered. I heard my family coming they must have heard the battle and the wolves were on high alert. Jasper was in the front and everyone flanked him, he was in battle mode and his hisses were scarier than I imagined.

"Get out of here! This is not time for a war." I screeched at them.

"We are a family." Carlisle stated simply. "We will not leave, Jasper please." Carlisle was asking him to calm Leah. When she was calm enough to reason she became human again. Carlisle walked over to me and took my hands from her, he bent over her and started to readjust her bones, she screamed in pain and the wolves almost attached, if Jacob had not stopped them with an inaudible order. Carlisle was always the doctor, Esme walked over to him and handed him medical bag.

"This is morphine for the pain, Isabella shattered her boned and she must be in pain." He injected her and signaled Esme to leave. Esme looked over at me caressed my face and walked away, the wolves were in awe of the love they sensed coming from my family. I took a moment to look around at my family and saw their fierce-war ready faces but underneath it all I saw the love they had for me. Emmet smiled at me, Rosalie scowled her 'I told you so' look at me, Jasper was sympathetic as always and Alice was my anchor. She was trying to see the future but nothing came, 'Bells, the wolves are an exception to my power, I can't see what will happen' she let me know through her thoughts.

"I don't understand what is happening here, but no one is going to fight on my property." An older woman walked into the confrontation. Nana Swan was not in the dark about the creatures the prowled in the darkness of Forks, sunless days.

"Grammy?" Renesmee looked shocked.

"Hello sweet heart." She caressed Renesmee's face and continued towards Edward. "I knew something was wrong, you haven't been yourself lately. Which one is the one you love? The wolf or the vampire?" She spoke to her grandson but stared at Leah and myself.

"Jane." I spoke up and she smiled at me.

"Hello dear Bella." She smiled at me and Edward's eyes went clear green as they widen in shock. "Now Jacob order your pack home, Leah needs care and Bella send your family home. We will discuss this problem without interruption from anxious families. Now!" As always Jane was as calm as always. I stood up and hugged her tightly, my family tensed around me and the wolves shuddered around us.

"I said leave!" Jane shouted and Jacob nodded and his pack left accept Quil and Embry who remained in the woods. My Family left however Alice refused to go and Jasper stayed to watch over us.

"Now. Let's discuss this matter as civilized people. Edward put on a pot of tea." Edward nodded and she guided us all inside.

While Edward put on a pot of tea we all set down around the small table in the kitchen, Jane happily set the cups, milk and sugar on the table. I could vaguely read in her mind how happy she was to see me.

"You're as hard to read as always." I told her.

'You're as lonely as ever' she answered in her mind and smiled weakly.

"Come Edward sit by my side." Jane told her grandson. She took the tea and served everyone accept me and it stung.

"Grandma." Renesmee began to speak, however Jane out up a hand to stop her.

"I know you all have a lot of questions, but first thing is first. Bella how old are you now, I've grown old and feeble since we last met." Jane was as sharp as ever as she teased me.

"A little over 400 I think. I hate to keep track." I hated to exist more like it, I barely did and what little brought me comfort died or faded. Everyone around the table gasped and Jane laughed in her very young and freeing laughter.

"You're family has grown much since last time. Everyone is paired up now, except for you of course." I could read her sympathy and her intuitive nature bloomed. 'Edward' she thought.

"Yes, Alice married Jasper, as you know and Rosalie found Emmet. Esme found her mate, he is the purest person I have ever met. Carlisle fits her perfectly. My family is complete." I smiled as best I could; feeling all the tension in the room. Edward's eyes were burning me, his gaze was fixed on me and Jacob's hands were shaking.

"Okay kids listen carefully because what I'm about to tell you is very important. Edward and Nessie our family is a very old powerful line of psychics, we migrated to the USA in order to escape the terrible persecution we faced in Rome. In order to fit in better we changed our gypsy names and married pale faces, however we could never deny what we are inside, the blood of our ancestor's lives strongly within us. The Quileute's are a powerful tribe and that is why our family has always been accepted into their lands. We can sense in each other sameness, when I was very young I fell in love with a young man from the tribe, but he was soon killed by a vampire." Jane looked at me and Jacob Stiffened. "He was Efrain Black's twin brother Jacob, the vampire was stronger, faster than any he had ever faced and in order to protect me he lost his life. The man was a hunter, he enjoyed using me to taunt him, to hunt him and in the end he used me to kill him. When Jacob was finished." Jane paused, I knew her pain well.

"The vampire named James, was ready to tear me apart when Isabella showed up, she fought him and killed him with a swiftness that was impressive. Her eyes were filled with revenge and hated filled eyes. Efrain showed up and was determined to kill her until I stopped him, I begged him to negotiate a different way, because she had saved me. The Quileute's and the Swan Coven made a treaty and peace was achieved." They stared at us in disbelieve and Jane smiled.

"Isabella was a classmate to me until that day; someone I had sensed carried within herself tremendous pain, loneliness and hatred. I tried befriending her but she is as stubborn as a mule, however she has a weakness, that is her need to know and like she says I am very hard to read." She smiled my way and if I were human I would have blushed. "She needed to know my mind and the closer she got the better she understood and through three years we remained friends. When you left, I missed you very much. Why did you go so suddenly?" Jane's intense green eyes pieced me into the truth.

"James had a mate and she wants revenge, I was fearful for you. I didn't want to lose the only friend I had made in too many centuries." I held Jane's hand and Jacob physically shuddered.

"Jacob you need to stop your aversion to some Vampires, not all are blood thirsty monsters, my friend here is an angel. As beautiful as she is powerful, but she won't hurt a fly, she only uses her strength for good." Jane patted my hand lovingly and I could still sense Edward's presence as he leaned into the counter watching everything through his beautiful eyes. "Where is James' mate?"

"Around, lurking to find a way to hurt me, I beat her pretty bad about 10 years ago and I thought she gave up. However I know her mind she is determined to get even, between them James was the hunter but she is smart, cunning and much more dangerous than James. Animals like him are easily to deal with but she uses her mind, which makes her a tougher opponent." I spoke in a cold analytical tone and Jacob noted my ability to strategize. I smiled his way because the wolf was smart which made him a danger. He shuddered and gave me a toothy smile back letting me know I was right to make such an assessment.

"Can you read him?" Jane asked as she looked at Edward. I hesitantly shook my head and her eyes went wide.

"Don't worry Janie, I know my place." I smiled bitterly.

"Oh Bella, you cannot control destiny." Jane always told me that whenever I rebelled against the things I couldn't control.

"Watch me. Man you and Alice are pains in my ass." I stood up and paced into the living room controlling my inexplicable anger, I heard Renesmee tell Jacob to calm down. Jane was amused of course; I could read her mind easily when she wanted me too. Now she mocked my denial, how could she accept it without a problem? Well I wouldn't!

"Isabella." Edward said hesitantly. 'Is he scared of me?'

"Yes." I turned the anger I felt dissipated with his voice.

"I need to ask you a question, please just tell me the truth." He requested his eyes full of some emotion I couldn't identify, the room was dark but with my enhanced vision I saw his eyes perfectly. I could hear the sound of his perfect heart, I would do anything for that sound to be with me forever, It was beating so fast and his blood pumped all over his body calling to me.

"Is your name Isabella Marie Swan?" He took a deep breath. "And were you in love with a man named William that looked just like me?" I stood there frozen, how could I answer his question. Why did he know? How could he know?

"That was my name a long time ago, I have let go of that time in my life and if I loved a man named William I don't recall." Blasphemy! "My Vampire mind does not remember and my dead heart no longer feels." I tried to sound menacing instead I saw him smile.

"I guess even immortals are full of shit." Edward commented bitterly and walked out of the room and up the stairs. I heard Jane laugh and I walked out of the house to find Jacob waiting for me.

"Stay away from him."He threatened and I smiled.

"Look little pub, don't stand in my way. Now we have a truce but don't cross me or I will rip your head off. Look I'm old and cranky, just don't stand in my way and I will stay away but not for you but for him. Humans should stick to their own kind." I was about to walk away, when I sensed him behind me, not just heard him but sensed him. I looked back at him and his face was angry, sad and defiant.

"Coward." Edward said and walked away into the house. I looked over at Jacob and in his eyes I could see my own sadness, the wolf was surprise by the intensity of my agony and he even back away. 'I would have to live a long time to understand such misery.' He thought as I walked away from the Cullen's home and took off like a bullet.

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	10. What's Left Of Me

**Chapter 9: What's Left of me**

**Author's Note:** First I would like to apologize for the delay. Here is chapter nine finally. In the last chapter Edward finds out what Isabella is. He finds out about the wolves and part of his own family history. In this chapter we experience, what is like for Isabella without Edward in her life. I hope that you all like this chapter; it took me a lot to finish it. I wish I could tell you all the stuff that has happened to me in between chapters but that is another book all together.

Well here goes nada…

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**Emmett Swan**

Born: Emmett McCarthy

Human Birth: 1915

New Birth: 1935

Emmett loves being a Vampire and his favorite part of his new life is his wife Rosalie. They fit each other perfectly because Emmett is sweet, easy going, and aggressively child like. Rosalie is too serious, hates being a Vampire and they only thing about this life she truly loves is her husband and her family.

**Rosalie Swan: **

Born: Rosalie Hale

Human Birth: 1915

New Birth: 1933

Bella and Alice saved Rosalie; she was being attacked by a group of human males. Bella killed most of the man that attacked her leaving only her fiancée alive. Later Rosalie took her time getting her own revenge. Rosa lucked out and found Emmett a few years later and they have found in each other love and comfort.

I didn't give Emmett or Rosalie much of a past since I do not plan on extending his character. Alice and Jasper are my next target and I want to work on Renesmee and Jacob. I hope Emmett and Rosalie Fans forgive me but I am not a big fan of their love story. However I love Jazz and Alice, there is tenderness in the way they came together that I cannot help but LOVE.

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"**Parting is all we know of heaven and all we need to know of hell."  
-Emily Dickinson**

Walking away from his words was the most painful thing, I have experienced in a long while. Alice was still waiting for me in the forest, with her ever-faithful and eternal lover by her side. The jealousy that gripped me was overwhelming, Jasper held her hand and even in that simple gesture, I could see the devotion in this man. Jasper loves Alice more than he himself understood; I could read in him the deepest kind of need to be near her at all times. To the point of anxiousness, like if she wasn't in his sight, life would turn dark and never be light again. She was his light, his north star; she was all that was good and pure in his world.

"I am grateful to have seen him again. However I am no fool, this man is not my William. He is just a ghost of a happy and terrible past; I will not disturb his peace any longer." I spoke determinately knowing all of Alice's arguments, before she said any out loud.

"Bells please don't go." Alice pleaded knowing that her words would fall on deaf ears.

"You already know, how I am going to answer Alice. I will not change my mind. I cannot bear to be the cause of his destruction again. He was never meant to be mine; I think I understand that now." I hugged my best friend tightly. "Please ask our family; not to follow me. I need time to be alone."

Jasper held his tongue; however I could read his mind clearly. Jasper believed that our existence was a blessing. 'I wouldn't have Alice, if I had not lived a few additional centuries. I would live every horror again for a moment of her love, let alone an eternity. If that boy loves you and I know that he does, as strange as it sounds his love for you is old, unbearable, all consuming. He is IT Bells. He loves you and I'm sure that he will feel the same way I do." Jasper's words hit my stubborn walls; I smiled at my bother and hugged him tightly.

"You are a terrifying man Jasper, you never voice much but when you do." I chucked. "You could convince a mountain to step aside. Now imagine the worst possible thing happening to your Alice. Then tell me would you rip yourself apart to keep her from it. We were cursed from the beginning, William and I. My selfishness destroyed him; I alone annihilated his happiness and took away his life. This time… he will be able to caress his child and this time he will know love. He is almost William's age when he died; I can't see him be hurt." Jasper could feel the enormity of my agony, he held me tighter and Alice joined him. I was tempted to stay within the protection of the people who love me, I stood in there embrace a minute longer needing the support to force myself to walk away forever. 'I could never be around anyone again; eternity would be a lonely place, once He is gone. Than I would find a way… don't think about it… Alice will see.'

"Tell Esme and Carlisle that I could not have asked for better parents, even if I resurrected my own. Tell Emmett that I will miss whooping his ass and tell Rosa that I love her despite her bitchiness." I laid my head on Jasper's chest and smiled trying to keep a light tone. Jasper was the closest thing to a big brother who I could always ask for help. When Emmett was an aggressive bear that kicked my butt, made me play football, roll in the dirt and forget myself a bit. Jasper kept most of my secrets because his gift gave him access to things I wouldn't show. He was Alice's Soul mate and both were my most beloved siblings.

"What should I tell my husband? What should I tell myself? When tomorrow you don't return and Emmett has to drive us in his monstrosity." Alice whispered, her hands clenched onto jasper's back, she had hidden herself behind her towering husband.

"Tell him that he is the greatest big brother, that although I interact much more with Em, he means the world to me. And to You…I would say thank you. Thank you for your gift, for saving me each day and for loving me even before we met. Thank you because I was meant to see him again one last time." All I regretted at the moment was not seeing his face smiling instead of scolding me. I wanted to go up to his room after he slept and give him a kiss, to touch his cherubic face, but I knew I did not have the strength.

"Alice could you, do one thing for me? Please" I turned and asked one last thing from her.

"Anything" Alice answered fervently

"Please look ahead and show me if he is going to be happy. I know that it takes a lot of energy to do it, but I'm going to selfish and still ask this of you. I need to know that he will be better with or without me. I want to know if our life would be happier, if I stayed. Would we have a chance if... I stay. William's soul resides in him; I could feel it calling my own. He is what is left of my soul and I don't want to taint it." A last human frailty in me, to hope for the impossible to be possible and I wanted to indulge it, to save the 'what ifs' of eternity.

Alice pressed her small frame against her husband, almost reclining into him; she closed her eyes and chanted her mantra, an old sonnet she memorized in Latin. '**Dum spirare vel videre potero,tuus vivet amor'.**Is an adaptation of two lines we read in Sonnet 18 by William Shakespeare . It's roughly translated to: **"So long as I can breathe or see, so long lives your love which gives life to me" **Jasper's first words of love to her. Jazz wouldn't tell what it meant she set out discovered the meaning. Alice spent two weeks learning and mastering the Latin, now she speaks better than he does.  
The images were murky, his future was too tied to my decisions when I wavered in my resolve I saw my worst nightmare. Edward was perfectly still, the way only a predator stands, time stopped for him and his eyes were the deepest crimson. His features beautiful and frightening, there was pain, anger and aggression in his features. I did not want to see the target of his hatred. "Stop" I whispered, unable to see anymore. Than Alice looked into his future again and with the decision firm in my mind; his life was different, we could see him going about his normal life. His life was murky at parts, casted into the shadows that his wolf friends, being part of his life brought. The last image that I pulled from Alice's mind was one of his face was bright with happiness; he smiled from ear to ear.

"Izzy Nothing is clear, because his decisions are in chaos; I told you that your lives are inter-connected. His decisions affect you and yours affect him." Alice looked into the immediate future; Edward seems utterly devastated when Alice gives him the news of my departure. 'I'm sorry Edward; I do not know where she is. She is keeping me out.' Alice's face looks sadder than I have ever seen it in ages, his was of utter agony.

"He is young and humans are able to move on and change. They are not as unmovable as us, maybe now he will feel that way. However I believe that he will eventually forget me and will go on. He will marry; he will have a son which he will be able to love. Unlike my Benjamin, this time he will know his child and no one will part them. I have to believe that I am doing this for his happiness, that Edward will live Alice." I wanted to be burned to ashes at the moment and dissipate into the wind, to be forgotten, erased. I wanted to cry and curse the entire world; however I still belonged to him and the feeling that if I harmed myself, I was failing him all over again. Time would erase his pain and it would only increase mine, I would forever be trapped in this agony, until the day he died than that day, I would find a way to free myself too.

Alice turned into her husband's embrace, burying her face in his chest as I turned to leave; Jasper held her tight and smiled weakly at me. "See you soon Izzy." My brother said full of uncertainty

"See you soon." I said and bolted as fast as my speed would allow me, I don't know for how long I ran, I just know that I ran until I collapse in an unknown area somewhere in the arctic. I laid on the cold ground and allowed the falling snow to bury me and this time I called my memories to me. I welcomed the agonizing head ache; the explosion of pain that surrounded me as the images of my human past came rushing towards me. "Edward" I whispered as I reached the end of my dark tunnel, his face disappeared into the darkness of my mind.

* * *

January, 2, 1607...

"Where is my father?" I screamed as I ran down the hall to his chamber. A stable boy had found me on the way home from meeting William and urgently asked me to hurry to his side. My father was in a hunting accident, a shot scared his horse sending father flying several feet.

When I entered his chambers, I saw Marie knelled down beside my father her head buried on his chest. Her Agony told me, that which I was not ready to accept. My father was gone, that I would never see him again, that his laughter was gone forever. I would never hear his calming voice or his stern voice ever again. He would never hug me reassuringly, he had left me alone and unprotected. Little did I know that Renee was already planning my entire future, since my father was not in her way anymore? Now I would pay for existing she amused herself thinking. I ran to his side and I climbed the bed hysterically.

"Papa, please wake up! Papa please I beg you don't leave me; I have so much to tell you. Come on papa say something." Eventually I laid myself next to Marie across his chest and I cried with all the pain the gripped my very soul. My mother walked into the room and tried removing Marie from my father's side, grabbing her harshly by her arm.

"Let me be, you devil woman, just let me be. Can't you see, you won I have nothing now! Just let me grief." My mother let her go in an uncommon moment of compassion. Marie returned to her earlier position and her sobs mirrored my own. Renee had yet to shed a single tear, however my nana cried like her heart had been ripped right out of her chest. That night I realized just how much she truly loved him. I reached for her face, just lifting it slightly to look into her eyes.

"Thank You for loving him Nana." I said to her and she let out a strangled sob.

William entered the room like a madman and at the sight of my father's body his tears flowed from him in torrents. He leaned against the door frame and all his entire body shook with sorrow. He walked over to me and I launched myself into his awaiting arms. I sobbed into his shirt, William caressed my hair and I felt his tears wetting my head. He held me in his arms for what seemed like hours. Eventually we were able to convince Mary to move to a chair, where she brought her knees up to her chest and kept her silent crying. Her face looked haggard, the pain seemed to have aged her a few years and the look in her eyes was vacant, she seemed to have lost the ability to see beyond this horrible day. I laid myself next to father, while William took Marie's old position next to father. William tried several times but I would not be moved.

"Oh father, why did you leave us, I have much yet to tell you so much. I wanted you to know, how much I have always loved you, how grateful I am that you took me in. No one could have prayed for a better father. Thank you for saving my life." William buried his face on father's chest and sobbed uncaring if we all heard him, Until that moment his tears had fallen silently, however he was now letting his pain out loud. "I wanted to repay you for all you have done for me. I wanted to ask your permission to marry my Bella. Now I will never know if you would have approved of our love. Did you know that I love her? I do, I love her more than I can ever explain to another person. I have always loved her and she is in every corner of my soul, and remarkably enough Father she loves me." William looked up at me, as I stared at him while he confessed out loud our secret.

"He would be delighted, Charles loved you both more than you could ever imagine. He was a loving man and life was never fair to him." Marie said and the words seemed to be forced out of her. She was so fragile; I had never seen anyone in as much pain. It showed in all her actions, her eyes reflected more pain than I could ever understand at the point in my life. Time kept its insistent pace and we buried my father. The world seemed to be crumbling at my feet, on the outside I was respectful, and composed was my demeanor in front of company. However alone I was just pieces of myself, only Marie and William felt the same consuming pain that I did. Mother seemed more energized than ever, she even seemed happier.

Weeks passed and Marie was never the same after father's death. She remained a very loving woman nevertheless her light was gone, she seemed only half alive. When she did smile, I sometimes caught her tearing and I would find her in father's chambers cleaning his things as if her were still alive. Mother had closed the door and had deemed the room off limits, but Marie, William and I would sneak in whenever we missed him. On one evening I found Marie re-folding some of father's shirts and she said to me. "I want to keep his things, the way he liked them." Then she hugged his shirt and kissed it lovingly.

I started to read Father's journals and one day I learned that; he too had loved Marie from the young age of 15. In one entry he wrote:

''Marie is an angel in every way; I only wish I could express how much I have learned to love her over the years.'

At the age of 17 years old, a young man had come into town and proposed to Marie. Father in his desperation drunkenly confessed his love to her and learned that she too loved him. Father proposed to her and they set out to get married, unfortunately her lowly upbringing and her station in life was not what grandfather Swan wanted his son to marry. With threats and a lot of trickery he managed to make my father marry Renee, forcing them to love in secret.

My father married as grandfather desired, however he could not live without Marie and she after a lot of refusals gave into him. Father wrote that in his heart he was only married to her, that he could not touch Renee, without feeling guilt. I was baffled by this piece of information and spent the entire night reading through all his journal entries. In the summer of 1589, my father's entry was joyous to say the least.

'My Marie is with child; I pray the Lord will grant us a healthy child. I wish for a girl as beautiful as my angel, with her dark curls, sweet eyes, and full of her kindness. I cannot express the happiness that fills me; a child of my beloved is going to come into this world. I only regret that she is not my legitimate wife. What I wouldn't give to be her husband in the laws of man, because by God I know that she is my wife in his eyes, as she is in my heart.'

I stopped reading with a start the book falling out of my hands, than I resumed reading with renewed enthusiasm. For months Father had agonized by the horrible plan that Renee had proposed when she found out the news of Marie's pregnancy. She wanted to pass the child as her own, to safe the family name from disgrace. Both Marie and Father reluctantly agreed that it would be best if the child was legitimate and eligible to inherit. Marie sacrificed her rights as a mother, with the condition that she never separate from her child, she would remain by the child side as a caretaker. She made yet another sacrifice to protect someone she loved. 'Marie has given birth to a girl. Isabella Marie Swan. She is an angelic child, with dark brown eyes and skin as white as snow. Her hair like her mother's, dark and softer than silk, She already smiles. My child is brilliant, beautiful and loved beyond words. I found her latched on to her mother's bosom today; suckling happily and Marie cried kissing her forehead. My precious angel cries for she will never hear Isabella, call her Mama. What a useless man I have become that I cannot protect what I love.'

February, 13, 1607

"Marie is my real mother." I told William under our tree.

"What?" William asked wide eyed.

"I read it in Father's journals; they loved each other very much, from a very young age. My grandfather separated them, my father was too afraid of what he might do to Marie and her family. He was forced to marry Renee but he never touched her as a woman, he could only love Marie. She is my mother Will, my mother! Renee is only a cruel stranger. You see I have always had my mother's love and I didn't even know it." I said through the flow of tears and a smile. William cleaned my face of those tears and kissed me deeply.

"What will you do?" Will asked and I tried to get my heart to start beating again. His kisses had become almost consuming with their passion and my whole body burned, screamed at me for something more. Something I couldn't put into words and I couldn't even begin to understand.

"I know not. She is my mother, I am happy beyond words. However I know not how to proceed." The dilemma was eating at me and I could not form a decision. "William, could you just kiss me once more, as a celebration to this wonderful secret." I asked leaning into him.

"As you wish, my love" William said in a husky voice. When his lips embraced mine I moaned deeply into his lips, he tried to stop the kiss but I pressed myself closer to him. Molding my body to very line of his, he kept his hands at his sides, holding back. I rose to my knees still in his embrace and pressed myself against his chest, my heart raced and I couldn't seem to get close enough.

"Bella, Please don't." William managed to say but I kept firm in my attack, I took his big hand in mine and pressed it to my cheek.

"I need you William, I can't explain it. My body it burns when you touch me, but I want to burn more, it feels wonderful." I said to him my eyes closed, lips parted in anticipation. Than as I opened my eyes I saw the affect my words had on him. His eyes were focused on my lips, than my neck and then the swell of my breast. Every glance like a feathers touch, a pooling heat started between my thighs, my eyes felt heavy, my breaths harsh and shallow, and my breast felt heavy and sensitive.

"Could you touch me?" I whispered.

William was like a man possessed his hands caressed my profile, than he traced my lips with his thumb, his touch send me spiraling in pleasure, I arched my back as his hands traced down my neck to my waist. He brushed his lips against mine and then kissed me with more force than he had ever. I gasped and he inserted his tongue into my mouth, at first I was startled, however as he explored my mouth I melted into his touch. I followed his lead and kissed him back as well as I could. Unconsciously I took his hands in mine and pressed them against my aching breast, William stopped the kiss abruptly, his eyes wide and I smiled but at him like a drunken woman. I could feel his discomfort, but the pleasure from his kiss gave me that push I needed. I pressed my lips against his again, pressing his hands harder against my chest. William groaned deeply making me more daring. I slid my hands the entire length of his chest, feeling the hard lines of his body and I shuddered pressing myself closer to him. I wanted to the space between us to disappear; even our clothes my enemy. I needed him and I yearned to feel his touch all over my body, I felt impossibly hotter.

William was still restraining himself, his body was filled with tension and his eyes betrayed his bewildering control. I put my arms around him, exploring his back, kneading his tense muscles, until I felt him surrender. His kisses slowly devour me, it burned me through and through, and the ache, that unfamiliar ache between my legs grew to the point of pain. I needed to be relieved; William placed me laying cross his lap, one arm on my waist and the other upon my bodice. I was startled to feel William tugging at the bodice of my gown, in second I was exposed to his greedy eyes. I felt myself blush deeply, as I read the hunger in his eyes, he leisurely gaze ran over me. I struggled to remain still, feeling self-conscious and embarrassed.

"William, don't look at me like that. It's embarrassing." He smiled wickedly at me, his smirk making me wet between my legs. I gasped feeling the moister grow, feeling more and more mortified.

"Why ever not? Your breast are magnificent my love." William's gaze was predatory and I could feel the excitement rising within him. The man loved to tease and now was no exception.

"They are not! The dressmaker is always saying, how odious they are. For as long as I can remember, Renee has said, 'Well little Isabella, you have been cursed with a commoners body.' Then she smiles to herself and adds. 'You know what profession those bodies are good for.' Oh the breast are too big and the hips to wide." I mocked in amused irritation.

"They are beautiful, you are beautiful. Cara Mia." This was his serious answer.

"You cruelly tease me now, Will how?" Placing his index finger on my lips William stopped my little tirade

"You are glorious my love." His hand slowly caressed each breast. "You are soft as silk, you taste sweet my dove. You are the sweetest most intoxicating honey." His hands cupped each breast as if weighing them and then slowly he grazed his thumbs over the nipples until they hardened. The surge of pleasure I felt was wondrous, I thought this was the greatest of all pleasures until, William circle one breast with his tongue then the other. I lifted my back of the bed and he took a nipple into his mouth and suckled slowly then the other, then again until I was gyrating my hips up.

"William I cannot take it anymore!" I said urgently, my body felt an unfamiliar, yet strangely known feeling of surrender, a feeling of ecstasy being released through my body. I felt him tense as I went limp in his arms and he kissed my forehead in a gesture of comfort. Wrapping his arms around me he hugged me tightly

"I want to worship you body my angel, however we must wait until we are married." His voice in my ear was but a whispered. He sounded strained, as if he were in pain and was trying to hide that fact.

"We must wed soon my heart, for I do not wish to wait any longer." I whispered in his ear and with what seemed inhuman strength William gently lighted us up. Then he turned to allow me privacy whilst I covered my nudity.

"William will we wed soon?" I asked lacing my bodice as well as I could, without Marie's help.

"We will my love. Soon." Uncertainty colored his voice, nevertheless I was not going to let small obstacles damper my happiness at the thought of being his wife.

On my way back home I encountered Marie, she was walking through the property, holding a gold chain. At the end was a simple ring, made of silver and she held it with such gentleness that it broke my heart to see her kiss it, tears running down her beautiful face.

"Mama." I called to her and she looked up, her eyes alive for the first time in over a month.

"My darling child." She said opening her arms and I stepped into her embrace.

"Nana, do you remember when I use to call you, 'mama'. I refused to call Renee 'mama', because I remember thinking; 'Marie is a much better mama' and you are aren't you?" I laid my head on her shoulder crying.

"There, there my love. There is no need to cry, I am here." She said softly against my hair.

"I know. You have been a good mother to me, and I hope I can repay you for all your love." I wanted to tell her that I knew who she was and that I was proud to be her daughter. Instead I hugged her a bit tighter, kissed her cheek and disentangled myself from her.

"Thank you, Isabella for those words. You can never understand what they mean to me." Marie said to me, tears streaming down her face. I did understand what she meant because even with the knowledge that she was my mother, I could never begin to understand the pain of losing a child.

As we arrived home, I was ushered into my father's study, where mother and Laurent awaited my return. I entered as gracefully as I could, trying to hide the disdain I felt for her atrocious cousin. I could not point it out specifically, however there was something about him that made me uneasy, the way he looks at me. I could almost read his thoughts, all seemed to be filled with malice.

"Where have you been?" Asked Renee from my father's chair. Laurent at her side his hand firmly on her shoulder.

"Riding" I simply answered.

"Well, now that you are here, we must discuss your wedding to Laurent." Declared Renee

"What? I have not agreed to such a thing." I said enraged.

"You have no say in the matter." Responded the devil of a woman

"I do and I will not marry. I refuse to marry him. You cannot make me!" I felt complete despair, at the smugness in her expression.

"But I can my darling girl. If you do not marry in a fortnight, I will throw your precious Marie into the streets, I will take the practice away from your pet and I will lock you up in a nunnery." She sat in my father's place, threatening everything I loved and I was defenseless against her.

"Now Isabella, I will make you a good husband. Do not fret, you can protect the ones you love, just give me your hand I marriage." Laurent spoke in a calm yet menacing tone. I was trapped by them and I would have to endure for my mother and my lover. For several hours they planned my life, her words were daggers to my heart, I sank into my chair defeated. My world fell apart around me, my father was gone, my mother needed my protection and I had to protect William. I fought to keep the tears at bay, the idea that William would not posses me, that instead I would belong to that despicable man filled me with a heart wrenching aguish.

* * *

Present Time...

"Is…Isabella…Isabella" I could hear someone calling me but I could not, I did not want to leave my new world. I wanted to tell them to leave me alone, to leave me where they found me. However I could not move, I could not speak, or open my eyes.

"We must call Carlisle. Carmen, why don't you call?" I heard Irina say.

"Let's wait until Isabela… wakes up." Said Eleazar hesitantly

"How is she sleeping? We do not sleep. Oh Eleazar is she okay." I heard Carmen's concern spilling into her mind, all becoming clearer.

"Yes, carino mio, she is okay." Eleazar spoke with certainty however I could read his confusion clearly. 'She is not right. What is this power I sense, it is too much for one so young.' Eleazar was an old, old vampire, no one truly knew his age. He defied Aro to be with his Carmen and many believed that Aro just generously let him go. However I know that he forced his way out of the Volturi rule.

"Eleazar, you think too much. It's giving me a headache" I managed to say

"We do not feel those pains anymore Isabela." replied, my old friend.

"Apparently that Vampire does." Said Irina in her nastiest tone, Irina had always hated me. My many short comings were all too much for her; in other words she was in love with Caius and the reptile had his eyes on me.

"Well, well Irina I see the years still haven't softened up that bitterness." I said in an uncharacteristic retort. Irina scowled at me and walked or better yet stomped out of the room.

"Welcome to Alaska, is been a long time since you last visited." I turned to see Tanya's cherry blond curls bouncing in my direction, as always her model like figured was covered in next to nothing there fabrics. She wore skin tight leather pants, a sweater that seemed painted on her and the most stylish snow boots I ever seen.

"Love the boots." I say honestly.

"These old things, oh I got them made for me by a dear "old" lady in town." Tanya was Alice's equal in her love for fashion and the though pained me. Just remembering Alice hurt, I left her and my entire family behind in Forks.

"Have you called Alice?" I asked

"Not yet, we were waiting for you to wake up. My friend why were you a sleep, we do not sleep, it is Impossible. Eleazar was puzzled, because it is impossible.

"I cannot explain it myself. I was not a sleep…I was in a coma. Something happened that triggered my powers, to grow, to bring me back to my past. Not that I can go back in time is that, I can re-live them again. It's very painful and inconvenient." I stood up and gazed out of the window. I read all of their questions, the ones they could not voice.

"What triggered such an incredible change?" Asked, Carmen.

"A man from my past." I said turning to look at her.

"From your human past Isabela? That is not…"

"Possible? I know, but it's true. It is too much to tell, and too painful. Someday I will relate all. Now I must leave, I need to be alone for a while." I told them all facing the window.

"Truly, you do not plan to leave." Carmen asked her hand on my shoulder.

"Yes, I will call Alice and then I will be on my way." She let her hand fall.

"Come you can call from my office." Tanya said

"Tell Kate and Garret that I'm sorry I missed the opportunity to congratulate them." I told Tanya outside her office and after closing the door I sat on her desk and dialed Alice.

"Izzy" Alice answered on the first ring.

"Hello, how is everyone." I asked quietly.

"We are all dealing, with things. We… we all miss you very much." Alice opened her mind and I read her thoughts and vision all involving everyone except Edward. Anytime anything came up about him, she blocked it from me.

"Alice, why are u hiding your thoughts of Edward from me?" I asked almost menacing.

"I didn't want to worry you. He has been different since you left, acting dangerously. He has begun to seek more and more dangerous things to do. We watch over him but it's like he is trying to get you to come to him." Alice explained.

"Alice how long have I been gone." I asked

"About three and a half months. I tried to get a vision of you but it's like you had vanished, I feared you had taken your life, but no vampire burnings were reported. I waited and nothing came until this morning. Got one of Eleazar finding you buried in the snow. Come home, your in danger alone, vulnerable to any enemy." Alice stopped talking when another vision gripped her. I saw clearly when Edward, was grabbed from behind and the red head bit into his neck her red eyes dancing with joy. His last words "Bella"

"No!" I screamed and shot like a rocket out of Tanya's window towards Seattle.

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I hope that u all ENJOY... Let me have it!


	11. Left Behind

**Twilight belongs to the fabulous Stephanie Meyer**

**Authors Note:**First I'd like to apologize for the delay on my stories, I am very sorry for the wait. I am not worthy of any of you, but please allow me to continue to try to entertain …this chapter is all in Edward and William's POVs, Chapter nine through their eyes. To Bella those memories bring comfort, but to him they only bring pain.

Please review and let me know what you think… I want to thank all of the people that have reviewed, I am truly grateful for any encouragement or critique.

Okay here we go!

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**Chapter 10:**** Left Behind**

**Songs:**

Track of my tears, by Gavin DeGraw

Jealous Guy, (cover by) Gavin DeGraw

Without You, by Hinder

My Never, by Blue October

"And I can only dream of you in sleep

and I never see sunlight again

I can try to be with you but somehow I'll end up just losing a friend.

And I can only reach for you

relate to you

I'm losing my friend

Where did she go

Where"

More lyrics: .com/my_never_lyrics_blue_

All about Blue October: .com/music/Blue+October

**Quotes:**

"I cannot look down to this floor, but her features are shaped in the flags! In every cloud, in every tree—filling the air at night, and caught by glimpses in every object by day—I am surrounded with her image! The most ordinary faces of men and women—my own features—mock me with a resemblance. The entire world is a dreadful collection of memoranda that she did exist, and that I have lost her! Well, Hareton's aspect was the ghost of my immortal love; of my wild endeavours to hold my right; my degradation, my pride, my happiness, and my anguish."

— Emily Brontë (Wuthering Heights)

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**EPOV: **

What are the stages of grief? I don't know and to be perfectly honest I don't really care at all. All I know is that I am stuck at anger. Actually It's mixed with acceptance and denial. Acceptance because she is gone, she left me behind, because she thought me beneath her. Anger because I cannot find her, I cannot see her again and tell her that I cannot stand her presence and that she should leave me because I want her gone.

After the shock of my life, where I found out that my best friend was a shape-shifter, the girl I use to date, can literally break every bone in my body and the woman that I have literally dreamt with my entire life. Is real and not just a dream, she is not only real but she is a vampire that is over 400 years old. According to Grams, William was the love of her life, her actual life. The one before her transformation, Grams did not have the details, but I do. They are the dreams that plague my life everyday; those dreams have now become my worst nightmares.

The latest one is of "William" sitting under a tree with his Bella and he is enjoying her soft lips, touching her body and losing his mind when she begs for his touch. I wake up aroused beyond relieve and more annoyed than the day before. I am always angry, snappy and I have become intolerable to anyone within a 20 mile radius of me.

That woman is my curse and unfortunately I cannot, I will not get rid of her. She is implanted into my very makeup. I want to hate her, hurt her and I end up feeling helpless because, I cannot reach her. To tell her that she means nothing to me now.

"Morning Edward" Renesmee greets when I enter the kitchen with a duffel bag.

"Morning" I answered dryly, I slept very little and my head is throbbing.

"Came in late last night?" Comments Grams putting coffee on the table for me, I grab it gratefully and take a minute to smell the aroma. Renesmee puts two aspirin in one hand and a banana in the other.

"Where are you going now?" Ask Jake entering the kitchen through the back door.

'What's with the interrogation with breakfast? Man I'm already annoyed.'

"I'm going back to Seattle. Gram's back and Nessy has you. I need to focus on school is my last semester and its crucial that I attend every class." I answer calmly; however the truth is that I cannot be around them anymore, I find it difficult to walk around this town waiting for her. I'm always expecting her to turn into my street or that maybe I would bump into her at the market. Her family has remained behind in Forks and I cannot help but hope that she will return.

"Edward you shouldn't isolate everyone that loves you. I don't understand you don't even know this girl. She is nobody." Renesmee says angrily.

"Renesmee!" chided Grams.

"Well tell that to my stupid soul, or heart or whatever is left of it. Do you think that I don't tell myself the same thing? I don't know how to let her go, I wish I could kill her inside of me but I cant." I grabbed my bag and hurried out of the house, Nessy is calls out for me and Grams is tells her to give me time.

I reach my car but Jake is there before me.

"What Jake? Use your super freaky powers to impress Renesmee and leave me alone." I snap at my best friend.

"Ed bro, I'm on your side remember." Jake points to himself. "Best friend"

"Jacob, I just want to be left alone. I'm doing just fine, I am just stressed with school." Lately I find myself saying 'I'm fine 'a lot. I'm sick of having to say the damn words, which is another reason why Seattle seems like such a good idea to me right now.

"I know that you are not well Ed, I've been keeping an eye on you and you have been acting reckless." Jacob's face is full of concern for me and his words are laced with hurt, I don't want him to care for me.

"Keeping an eye on me? Where do you get off?" I yell at him but I try to calm down a bit before I continue."My father died a long time ago, I don't need another one." I had never been this angry at myself before.

"Edward it's dangerous out there, more than you know. Humans have no idea how bad it is." Jacob says seriously.

"Humans? Really man, what you aren't human anymore? You know what, I don't care. I want nothing to do with it. Because I am human! I am very human as a matter of fact. I just want all you mystical creatures to go back to my nightmares and leave me alone." I could see that I hurt him, but now there was no taking it back. I wanted Jake to give up on me. Just need to be alone for a while, and when I'm better ill fix it. I keep thinking to myself.

"Edward I know that it is a lot to take in, but we can be here for you. All of us; Quil, Embry and I miss you man. Come down to La Push and have a few beers with us, maybe reconnect with Leah. Life can be good without her. Life can go on." Jake is trying hard to be a good friend and I feel horrible for putting him in this situation.

"Jake, I'll be fine. Go back inside and tell my girls that I'm better. Tell them that we had a good talk. I don't want them to worry about me, I'm just going to go finish my thesis and ill be back soon." I tell Jake with a hand on his shoulder. Jacob seems to relax a little and makes me promise to call. I agree quickly, I need to get away.

I finally get in my car and wave goodbye to my family as they stare after me, I drive out carefully, and once I'm out of the area I start to drive faster and faster. When the car reaches 95, I feel that exhilaration inside me rise. The world dissipates, the blurry scenes become the things I can't control, and I love the speed. My heart is racing faster and faster, the excitement drowns the world around me, it's a rush of all and of nothing. The nothingness is better than the feeling of being empty; people may not understand the difference, however now I can painfully admit to myself that I rather feel nothing than empty. She has left me hollow, with too much room for the never ending echoes of her absence.

I hit the gas a little more and my car charges onward, I barely notice the lights of the cop following me. The music is drowning out the sirens, the officer drives up to my window, he looks very angry and it's yelling something I cannot make out. Suddenly I picture my father in his sheriff uniform, shaking his head in shame. I slow down and park, getting ready for a tongue lashing.

"License and registration." Officer Donnelly demands and I can hear the disappointment in his voice. I comply silently and he walks away, probably to call grams. After an eternity he comes back with my paper work, hands it to me and stands by the window, as if deciding to say something.

"Is there anything else Joe?" I ask rudely. The man had just given me a free pass and instead of showing him respect, I am only concern on keeping it moving, being in Forks makes me feel and that is not what I need at the moment. I want to feel numb, sedated.

"Edward, son what is happening to you? What would your father say if he saw you this way? Huh? And your mother?" all the officers that worked under my dad have always been very good to Nessie and myself and I feel bad for disappointing him, yet another reason to get out of town.

"Look Joe, I know that I haven't been myself lately, but I am fine. I promise to drive more carefully. I'm just late to a class and it's my senior year." Lies come so much easier now, when did I become this person.

"Okay son, go and be safe. I don't want to stop you again for this." Joe sounds relieved and I sink deeper into my black hole of lies and deceit.

"Thanks Joe, tell Maggie I said hello, haven't seen her in a while." I say just to be polite.

"Alright be on your way son, don't miss your class." He steps to the side and watches me pull into the road again. I fight the urge to flee as fast as my car will allow me.

I made it to Seattle in no time; it took me less than two hours to park in front of the new place I would call home. My new residence is a one bedroom, one bath studio with a communal kitchen and private parking, within University Court on Brooklyn Ave.

My parents left us a bit of money when they passed, actually a big load of money, however I had never felt the need to use it, for any other reason either than school. Now I was using it to buy me some time to myself, to be miserable alone.

The first night in the apartment was uneventful; I unpacked my duffel bag, and the suit case I had hidden in the trunk of my car the night before in Forks. Grams would not understand that I cannot stay in Forks like a maiden in distress; I am a man not a mouse. Life will continue for me and that woman will become a ghost that I am going to forget.

The second day in the apartment was unbearably uncomfortable, I felt lost in the small space, and I had a bed and a small refrigerator that I filled with too much liquor and not enough food. I did not buy a television or radio, music, news; movies had become a waste of time for me. Every little damn thing reminded me of her. Just as I was about to go mad, a nock came from my door.

"Hello." I said to the tall blonde on the other side. Instead of being a normal male and checking her out, I started to compare her to Bella's perfect features.

"Hi, my name is Mandy." Of course I thought. " I live in the apartment across from yours. Well I'm having a small party and I wanted to invite you as a welcome."

"I'll think about it thank you." I answered her; the lack of interest was more than obvious on my voice.

"Okay." She said a bit put off, I guess she was used to guys drooling over her and I had no interest in her.

I ended up getting dressed, emptying my fridge and going to the party, for the next several weeks, I kept meeting more and more people and partying every night. I started to date Mandy, who was the most emptied headed girl I had ever met. However she fit me perfectly because I didn't not want to talk, we drank, partied and she tried to throw herself at me. I couldn't have sex with her no matter how intoxicated or how much I needed release. Every time I touched her I remembered Bella's creamy alabaster skin, her body underneath mine. I dreamt of her and I could taste her in scent in my mouth as I recalled the amazing feeling of tasting her for the first time.

**WPOV**

**February, 1607**

It is getting harder and harder to control my craving with Bella, today I was able to feel her supple breast with my hands and tongue, just the thought has me aroused and impossibly anxious to see her. The demand for her has me off balance and my control slipping my body has a violent restless need for her.

What kind of man am I? I feel like a lion about to attack an innocent lamb, the very thought of her makes me forget myself with need. It is not normal the way my heartbeats at the sight of her and the arousal caused in me at the idea of her nakedness exposed to me. I need to control my longing because, I will not have much of a chance next time she lets her passions burn. She is inexplicably explosive and her fire burns deeply and as strong as my own.

I sat today under our tree when she innocently asked for a kiss leaning into me. Her excited moan crippled my senses, I tried to disentangle us, to put some room between us, however Bella seized the moment and pressed her body closer. Molding her body to every line of mine, I tried to keep my hands at my sides, holding back. She lowered herself onto my lap creating a more intimate embrace

"Bella, Please don't." I struggled to say however she did not let up, taking my hand in her own she pressing it to her cheek.

"I need you William, I can't explain it. My body it burns when you touch me, but I want to burn more, it feels wonderful." She says to me, keeping her eyes closed, lips parted in anticipation.

I felt myself dangerously losing control, my groin straining against my morals. I couldn't help but focused on her supple lips, down her neck, to the swell of her generous breast. Every bit of skin was like a fan to the fire she lights within me.

"Could you touch me?" She pleads her teeth grazing her lower lip.

Like a man possessed I let my hands softly trace her face, then her lips with my thumb, feeling the soft pedal like texture, when she arched her back I traced down her neck all the way to her waist. I couldn't keep myself from brushing my lips against her rosy sweet lips, when her mouth opens with a sigh. I attacked her lips like a bear seeks honey grabbing her more force than I have ever allowed myself before. I inserted my tongue into her mouth, exploring leisurely tasting her slowly; her sweetness is intoxicating like the most robust, full-bodied cognac.

I was startled to find her willing to meet my eagerness and possessiveness. Bella took my hands and pressed them against her chest arching to fill my hands. I stopped abruptly, my eyes wide, her lips curved into the most sensual smile, her cheeks flushed and her eyes alight. Instantly I pictured her on my bed, exposed to me, ready for my touch and my discomfort only grew. Bella was relentless in her attack to my senses pressing her lips aggressively to mine, pressing my hands harder against her chest. A groan escaped me, in response almost by instinct she traced the entire length of my chest, making the basic parts of me awaken with a start. I fought against them feeling her so close; I reprimanded myself severely. For my mind formulated plans to give her pleasure. As inexperienced as I am, there were things, I wanted to do that no gentleman should ever imagine.

Restraining myself, my entire body filled with tension, Bella pulled back enough to look into my eyes. Whatever she read there made her put her arms around me, exploring the lines of my back, kneading the tense muscles, until I could not help but surrender. I wanted to devour her entirely; I could sense that her body needed soothing. I positioned her cross my lap, hurryingly undoing her bodice. Within seconds her breasts were undeservingly in from of me and I greedily took in every detail. Her rosy bud, rising to an excited peek begging for my lips, my hands hated my eyes because they could see and my eyes hated my lips because they could taste. I drank in the sight of her allowing myself this eternity of pleasure, this woman was perfection. God had taken his time to create her to be my undoing, she was my angel, my unreachable star and I could not help but steal this moment to savor this blessing.

"William, don't look at me like that. It's embarrassing." She squirmed under my gaze and I tried not to imagine the warm wetness between her legs.

"Why ever not? Your breasts are magnificent my love." I said seriously.

"They are not! The dressmaker is always saying, how odious they are. For as long as I can remember, Renee has said, 'Well little Isabella, you have been cursed with a commoners body.' Then she smiles to herself and adds. 'You know what profession those bodies are good for.' Oh the breast are too big and the hips to wide." She imitated Renee's tone but all I could do is be mesmerized as her breast bounced in rhythm with her words.

"They are beautiful, you are beautiful. Cara Mia." Was all I could voice, the pleasure of this moment had me almost spilling my seed.

"You cruelly tease me now, Will how?" With my index finger I stopped her words.

"You are glorious my love." I allowed my anxious hands a slow caress. "You are soft as silk," I cupped each breast as if weighing them and then slowly grazed my thumbs over the harden peeks only to feel them hardening more. I could not control myself and I lifted her lightly bringing her in for a taste, I circle one nipple as slowly as possible, then the other. She arched bringing her closer to my lips and I took her nipple into my mouth, suckling slowly, groaning as her tasted invaded me. Then I repeated the action and her hips began to gyrate above me.

"William I cannot take it anymore!" Her voice urgent, I doubled my efforts hoping to bring her to release. I sensed the moment of her surrender, my body incredibly tense as hers went limp in my arms and I kissed her forehead because she looked so vulnerable and flushed right in that moment. I wrapped my arms around her tightly secretly praying for God to grant me permission to have her. 'Please' I begged over and over.

"I want to worship your body my angel, however we must wait until we are married." I managed to whisper in her ear; my arousal becoming almost unbearable.

"We must wed soon my heart, for I do not wish to wait any longer." She whispered in my ear making me pulse with need. I managed to put some space between us, turning to allow myself a moment's respite from her nudity. I would be forced to wait till she left, to get into the cold lake and find my own release.

"William, will we wed soon?" She asked interrupting my thoughts.

"We will my love. Soon" I said knowing how improbable it was for someone like me to be able to safe enough money to marry someone like her.

**EPOV:**

Thanks to these dreams I know every inch of her body, I can remember as if I had experienced it with my own body. The softness of her skin, the sweet lavender, vanilla scent of her, I remember the feel of my body filling her.

Every day I hate William more than any other man in the world. The frustrating part is that, I am jealous of my former self or myself. It is hard to understand because although I do share his memories, although I share his face, I do not feel like we are one in the same. His way of thinking was revolutionary for his time but I am not William. We do have one thing in common; she is too far for both of us.

William could not have her because he was not of her standing socially and I can't have her because we are not of the same species.

Destiny must be a cruel and vicious entity enjoying my misery. Why would I be allowed to exist if I could not have her, if I could not enjoy her laughter, her kiss? If I could not love her for a lifetime or an eternity; what is the reason for me?

"Eddie" Mandy called in a sing song voice; I looked in her direction and saw right through her. I had no eyes for her or anyone else.

"Mandy we need to stop seeing each other, we don't have much in common and although you are very beautiful there is no spark between us." I said without thought, I had grown exhausted of her emptiness and I needed to be alone.

"But Eddie we have so much fun." She pouted unaffected.

"We do babe, but you see I know that you have a thing for Scott and I think you should give him a chance." I said calmly.

"Oh Scott, he is sexy." Mandy pondered as I ushered her out of the room.

"See you around babe." I said not intending to see her ever again, if I could prevent it.

The weeks of parties had left me dry, the late nights or early mornings had done nothing to clear my heart of the cloud that took over. I was half alive, half of me was missing and I couldn't seem to put myself back together.

I picked up my guitar case tonight; taking Jude in my hands I let the strings guide me towards a song that would allow some release. Music had always been my refuge and I had not even looked at my guitar since she left. Today I finally allowed its melody to surround me. The song that came out of my heart was John Lennon's, Jealous Guy.

'I was dreaming of the past,' Williams lips find the sensitive spot between her ear and kisses gently.' **And my heart was beating fast'**. He finds the laces of her bodice and pulls nervously, his hands caress the little skin visible, he inhales her scent and light travels through his skin.  
**'I began to lose control,'**

'**I began to lose control.'**

**My voice cracks as I allow those words to let loose from my tongue.****  
'I didn't mean to hurt you,  
I'm sorry that I made you cry.  
I didn't want to hurt you'**

I hated her for not being here, at my grasp, I would hurt her, if I could hurt her. I stopped playing to sing…  
**I'm just a jealous guy.  
**Louder…  
**'I was feeling insecure;  
you might not love me anymore.  
I… was. shiveriiiing in..si..de.**

**I was shivering inside,  
I didn't mean to hurt you,  
I'm sorry that I made you cry.  
I didn't want to hurt you,  
no I didn't,  
'I'm just a jealous guy.'  
'I'm jealous,  
Jealous,  
Jealous.  
I'm jealous,  
jealous,  
jealous.  
I'm jealous,  
jealous,  
jealous.  
I'm jealous,  
jealous,  
I'm just a jealous guyyyyy'**

The song allowed me to let go for a few minutes and something that I could not imagine happened. I started to cry for the first time since before my parents' death, the tears flowed down my eyes and I did nothing to stop them. They were the first moments of relieve that I had in a long time.

I sat at the edge of my bed with my guitar in my arms and I made up my mind that I needed to finally let her go. I needed get up and build myself up, everything was going to work out in the end and I was going to be fine without her. Sitting alone in that dark room

I decided that I was going to go against Fate and I was going to beat, centuries of obsession. I convinced myself that I did not have feelings for Isabella Marie Swan. I reminded myself that she was dead and died a long time ago, my soul had been faithful to her beyond anyone's expectations and I was not a puppet. "I make my own destiny." I declared. She was a dream and she must dissipate into my subconscious like most dreams should. Holding my guitar gave me the necessary strength that I had lacked before. She would be my refuge and I would use her strings to pull the sadness from my heart and her melody would pull all the pain in my soul, I was going to sing her out of my system.

Pulling on a pair of black jeans a shirt, a hat and a jacket, I grabbed a bottle of Jameson and putting Jude in her case I walked into the night air feeling a bit lighter. I decided to walk to the closest park, growing up in Forks had reinforced my love for the woods and I needed to be around trees to think. Walking while keeping my head on the decisions made and not trying to give into the temptation of thinking about her.

I had a feeling that someone watching me, a sense that danger was around me. However I ignored blaming it on my imagination. I walked farther into the trees; I needed that solitude I could feel when I went into the woods at home.

"Hello." Said the child-like voice behind me, I was frozen in place, my body refused to move. As if paralyzed in place I felt her take a deep breath of appreciation. "Yum you smell good." The stranger walked around me, as if examining me.

"Are you a Vampire?" I asked when I found my voice. The red headed, cat-like woman tilted her head to the side, with a curious look on her bright red eyes.

"You know about us?" She asked in a menacing voice.

"Yes." I simply answered and she sniffed me again, It was hard to see her face because the night was too dark and the moon was hidden behind rain clouds.

"Then you know that I am going to kill you. It's nothing personal you see. I'm just thirsty." She said in a friendly voice, as if she was talking about a cup of tea.

"Go ahead, I don't care." Of course I had to die this way, because she left me. She brought me into her world and left me here.

"Do you want to die so badly? Huh pretty boy." Her breath on my face as, she inhaled my scent closer. I had no power to answer her, because I could not answer that question to myself.

"Would you like to be like me?" She suddenly asked, giving me a choice that I had dreamed of. She looked into my eyes and must have read the desire there because she smiled wickedly and bit her bottom lip.

"I could use a lover…oh how I miss James...James." She sighed to herself, she looked touched by madness and I stepped back finally able to move.

"I do not want to be turned by you." I answered automatically.

"Really and what's wrong with me?" She asked pouting, her hands on her waist. In an instant she was at my back, her hands on my neck turning it and her teeth grazed my skin.

"Get away from him!" A menacing voice growled from the dark, not just any voice, it was her voice and I was sure that I had died.

* * *

Suspense! Did Bella really make it in time or was that just Edward's imagination…Drummmmmm Roooooooll please…

See u in chapter 11.


	12. Until Breath Leaves My Body

**Author's Note:** PLEAAASSSSEEEEEE don't hate me. A little history for those who have waited for me to post this. I am sincerely sorry, I lost my father last August and my muses have left me dry for a while. It was a hard and long journey until he left this earth, I am very proud of my dad because although we didn't have the closes relationship we spend a lot of time together and I got to know him a bit more. Again I haven't abandoned my desire to write this story, it has just been a hard few months and a lot of changes.

**About the Story:** This chapter is in the third person point of view because I want us all to experience all the emotions being felt by everyone. I have worked hard on this chapter, probably more than the others because, I have written it through writer's block. Please feel free to let me know, what you guys think and be honest. Bella has received so distressing news from Alice, Edward is at Victoria's mercy. Because we cannot run from Fate, it will find a way to thrust us in the direction that we are meant to walk. Let's hope she makes it...

Also: I am working on a steamy Mating scene, for Jacob and Renesmee. I am posting it as chapter 11.2 because, I want to give them their special moment. Renesmee is 18 years old I know but most girls are having sex by that time. Jacob has been patient so far and he is fighting his nature. Any who... It's going to be lemony! plus I have some ideas for rituals that the tribe must follow.

Song: "Please Forgive Me"

By: Bryan Adams

Quote: (Bella)

"Love is not written on paper, for paper can be erased. Nor is it etched on stone, for stone can be broken. But it is inscribed on a heart and there it shall remain forever."

Oscar Wilde

Quote: (Edward)

"My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I _am_ Heathcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being."

Emily Bronte

Wuthering Heights Chapter 9

**Chapter 11: Until breath leaves my body**

"Please let me make it" Bella Prayed for the first time in a long time, as she ran faster than she had ever pushed her body before. The rage that surged through her was all consuming, an experience she only felt once as a new born Vampire. Her mind possessed by the predator all human emotions and thoughts were cast away, there would be nothing stopping her once she found Victoria. "I'm going to snap her neck off." Bella snarled into the winds her fangs sharpening as she contemplated revenge. Her body propelled her faster and faster.

The empty park was too dark for the human eye, however for her it was bright and bathed in a reddish light that cast an ominous sense to her already burdened soul. Bella arrived at the location of Alice's vision; crouched in a defensive position she caught their scent before she saw them. Victoria had already sunk her fangs into his neck and had started feeding. Sensing another Vampire she dropped her victim to the ground, than scenting Bella, she turned her body into a fighting stance.

'Shit!' she thought and jumped away. Bella shook with rage as she saw Edward's body lifelessly drop to the ground, her fangs descended as she thought about attacking, but a groan from his lips stopped her in her tracks and in seconds Edward was in her arms. Victoria watched from a distance as Bella collected him into her arms and bellowed her pain into the sky.

"I'm going to rip you apart!" Bella's voice was barely a whisper making her threat all the more terrifying. Turning her face full of rage to face Victoria, her eyes were a chilling black, never had Victoria seen such pain and anger at once. In her madness, Victoria smiled as the word 'mate' entered her mind.

"Now I know your weakness." She smiled her face dark with intent and took off in the opposite direction. Bella would not give her a second thought; she went straight to work licking Edwards jagged wound; Victoria had ripped through him without mercy, his neck was badly torn and he was rapidly losing blood, his heart was slowing and his breathing shallow. Bella allowed her saliva to seal and mend the wound. She did the unthinkable and sunk her teeth into her own arm opening a small wound, the blood flowed and she opened his mouth.

"Open up Darling, please drink. Please drink Edward. Please." Edward hearing her voice obeyed and the most delicious liquid invaded his mouth, he drank heartily. Bella heard his mind's voice for the first time 'You came' he thought. 'You came back' his thoughts were full of mirth and then his mind was silent again.

"Please don't die on me." Bella begged as he sank into his unconsciousness, his lips fell away from her arm and she carried him in her arms in direction of her family's home in Forks.

Bella held him close to her body, his frame too large compared to her petite figure, all that kept her from falling apart was his slow weak heartbeat. When she entered the limits of Forks forest, three large monstrous looking wolves stood in her way, all ready to launch themselves at her.

"What have you done?" The larger wolf barked out.

"Stay out of my way!" Screeched Bella the atmosphere around her shifting, the wind gushed threaten to rip the trees from the ground. The wolves automatically took a step back, except for the largest one. Jacob watched wide eyed as the petite Vampire held Edward's limp body in her arms, looking extremely volatile; the weather seemed to be affected by her emotions alone.

"Give him to me." Jacob asked calmly making his voice filled with controlled aggression. He had not even realized that Bella was communicating with him as a wolf and his speech was telepathic. Alice suddenly showed up, Jasper on her heels, the wolves tensed for a fight; however Jasper used his gift to calm the atmosphere. The only one unaffected by him was Bella and he stared at her wide eye, she seemed beside herself with grief and worry.

"Move out of my way or I will kill you all!" She growled, her eyes turning almost white, the storm seemed to live in them and the winds threaten to blow them all away.

"Izzy calm down or you will kill everyone, and he won't be able to forgive you. These wolves they are his family, his friends. Isabella come back, he will live." Alice approached her slowly and Jasper's instinct screamed for him to get between them, Alice sensing his distress put her hand up to stop him.

"He needs Carlisle; if he dies I won't be able to stand it Alice. If he dies tear me apart, burn me and bury me with him. I can't lose him again." Bella's words shocked the wolves into a sympathy they had never felt for a blood sucker before.

"Come Izzy lets take him home, you may all follow on our sides no one behind." Alice said to Bella than the wolves. Bella took off like a bullet and the others tried to keep up with her.

"Carlisle!" Bella yelled setting Edward on the large couch in the living room, instantly the rest of her family surrounded her and Alice entered followed by Jasper and Jacob who had resumed his human form and reluctantly entered the Vampire home. The rest of the wolves remained outside anxiously waiting for Embry to bring Grams and Renesmee.

"He has lost too much blood, Victoria had him by the neck when I got there, I'm going to hunt her down when I know he is stable." A look of a woman possessed came over Bella, then her voice changed and she said, "I fed him my blood I know I shouldn't have but she had almost drained him, I couldn't…I couldn't let him die." Her face was marked by agony so strong everyone took a step back because of the intensity.

"You did what you had to. We will deal with the consequences later. Now go and change you are bloodied. "Carlisle said calmly already checking Edward.

"I'm not going anywhere." She answered immediately.

"Now Darling, you know that we can be sensitive to blood and his is particularly attractive." Esme was carefully guiding Bella to the bedrooms, when Renesmee and Grams entered the house.

"What did you do?" Renesmee ran to Bella smacking her loudly, her hand bruising immediately. "Haven't you hurt us enough? Do you have any idea the pain you have caused, just by existing." Her eyes burned with fury and Jane only shook her head sadly at her granddaughter's actions.

"She wouldn't hurt Edward." Jacob said instantly putting himself between the two women. Renesmee turned her eyes on him in warning.

"Then why is my brother in that condition!" She demanded pointing towards Edward.

"Someone else attacked him; she brought him here from Seattle." He said. Then in a lower voice he said, "She is incapable of hurting him, is impossible for her, like it is impossible for me to hurt you without killing myself. He is her mate, Nessie and we have no say in that." Jacob's voice was resigned, because although he didn't like it but mates where sacred amongst his people. Isabella took off up the stairs, returning cleaned up in less than five minutes.

"How is he?" She hovered over him, pacing without letting him out of her sight.

"He is recovering quickly, your blood has become part of him, and he is regenerating rapidly." Carlisle spoke in a calm manner; however in the back of his mind he was dreading the consequences of her actions.

"What does that mean?" Asked Nessie alarmed.

"He will most likely have some Vampiric characteristics until the blood is cleansed from his circulatory system, normally human blood has a life span of approximately 120 days. Under normal circumstances transfused blood can last from 30 to 60 days, in this case we cannot know the consequences because no one has ever openly experimented with vampire to human transfusions. We can already see the differences in his body, his body temperature is much lower, his skin has lost pigmentation and his blood does not smell as appetizing. Also his muscles have become a lot more pronounced, the changes are not very noticeable to the human eye, and my assessment would be that Edward will be a hybrid- like human with some Vampiric characteristics." Carlisle was fascinated by the development, his scientific mind was already creating thesis for his new test subject.

"Is he human anymore?" Nessie inquired quietly.

"Yes and no. Let me explain, he is human with a strong shot of adrenaline; he most likely will feel overwhelmed by all of the differences in his senses. It's quite disturbing when we first turn and he might also feel the need to drink blood, I would advise against that." Carlisle was feeling quite overwhelmed himself with all the possibilities.

"I am going to move him to my bedroom, there is a bed there and he will be more comfortable." Isabella informed everyone.

"The hell you are, he is coming home with us." Nessie was in panic mode and in her lost of control, she was taking it out and Isabella.

"Nessie please be calm. Edward cannot come home for now, Isabella will take care of him." Grams put a calming hand on Renesmee's arm and explained.

"Grams he is my brother, he is all we have." Nessie's words hit Isabella's consciousness like a brick. She had not realized that in some sick way she was happy to have a vampire-Edward. She took Edward in her arms and felt the difference in his physicality alone; she could feel that his human consistency or his human frailty was altered. A chill ran through her blood that she could not understand it was as if she stabbed with an overwhelming desire for him that she could barely control.

'He is your mate and his blood calls to you now that he is more like you, the instinct to possess is stronger. You will be able to take his blood in intimacy if you guys consummate your love.' Jasper explained in his mind's voice, having felt the familiar emotion radiating through her. An overwhelming need to posses Alice had gripped him and all the Vampires in the room stirred even Jacob and Nessie were feeling their bond stir.

"Well we should go, the atmosphere is tremendously charged right now. Please call us when he is stable." Jane recognized the mood, having been once mated herself; she could sense the change in the air around her.

"Grams we can't just leave him here, I want to be here when he wakes up. Please Jake tell her?" Nessie turned to speak to Jake but his eyes were gone and his animal showed through his eyes. Renesmee automatically swallowed and colored instantly.

"Nessie we cannot be here when he wakes up, he won't be himself and you shouldn't see him like that." Grams reasoned. Renesmee was still staring at Jacob her heart racing out of her chest, Jacob had not yet mated her, although his animal demanded he mark her. Jacob had kept the animal from taking control, however within the Cullen home Jacob had reached the end of his control and now he fought only to keep the beast at bay and from taking Nessie in front of all present.

"We need to leave now, Dr. Carlisle please let us know if anything changes and please keep Isabella from unnecessary self loathing." Jane was feeling anxious and wanted to take the volatile wolf away from all potential trouble.

Jacob moved over to stand by Renesmee, the tension rolling off him in waves and he took her hand in his, a small growl escaped him as he felt her skin in his. Renesmee shivered and fought a whimper that wanted to break out from her own lips. Jane walked out in front of them and mix emotions filled her being, the nostalgia of her own claiming and the discomfort of knowing it was her own granddaughter's turn to become a woman for her mate.

"Quil change into your human form, you are driving me home." Jane directed the large wolf and then turned to Jake and Nessie. " I know that I have no say in what will happen, I know that you are both mated and the longer the wolf is held back the more difficult it will be for Nessie. I don't have to like it; Nessie is my granddaughter. I am a silly woman to be this emotional. Please be good to each other, this is a life changing moment for a girl and well I wish your mom was here, your dad too although he would have a temper tantrum. "Jane hugged Nessie and quickly got into the car, leaving her granddaughter a bundle of nerves holding Jacob's hand like a life saver.

Meanwhile inside the Cullen home, everyone was on edge still being affected by Isabella's emotional residue. Jasper was working hard to suppress it; however it was nearly impossible because his own usual need was being doubled by the intensity of her need for Edward.

"We should give them privacy." Suggested Esme in her usual calm manner, her eyes were on Carlisle and her hand extended reaching out for him.

"I agree." Carlisle answered taking her hand in his.

"Well babe, I guess we are going camping." He winked at Rosalie and she bit her bottom lip seductively.

"Should we leave them alone?" Asked Alice concerned.

"Alice we need to get out of here, she interfering with my self control. Her need for him is something that I don't know I can put into words; it's like hitting layers and layers of suppressed need. If we stay here our natures will take over without control and the town will be in danger." Jasper's voice was strained as he explained to his wife what he was enduring. Then Jasper released some of the energy her way and she instantly pinned him to the wall kissing him fearlessly.

"Wow! Time to go." Laughed Emmett and took Rosie by the hand and waved goodbye to Carlisle and Esme quietly making their escape. Everyone bolted out of the house at full speed, each couple in their own direction.

Once everyone was gone, Bella paced her room, she paced and she waited. Trying to let her temper run its course, which was not always a good idea. Time gave way to the blinding rage, a rage that turned into controlled anger and she plotted her revenge. The Last time she had done this she had planned and executed her revenge on her mother and her so called husband.

Victoria would die and she would die painfully, slowly and horribly. She would know the meaning of the word wrath.

Bella focused on her anger because the guilt would eventually raised its ugly head, although she held at bay would soon take over. Guilt because she had felt pity for Victoria's loss, and now Edward was hurt, she should have ripped Victoria's head off when she had the chance. Soon the old unavoidable guilt would resurface and remind her that she was Edward's curse.

Yes she was his curse in this life as she had been in the past, that familiar agony she lived with knowing that she could never give in and keep him. This situation had more than proven that , like William, Edward was not meant to be hers. Facing the large windows, hugging her arms she stared into the vast forest.

How could she leave him again?

How could she leave him when all she wanted was to get lost in him, how could she live without him when she was so hollowed inside away from him. Fate must be very cruel to have brought her, her soul mate twice only to rip him from her again. She had once wanted to end it all but she had found reasons to remain; reasons that to this day tethered her to this world. All of those reasons could always be traced back to the man that came into her life, not just once but twice.

When she found herself forgetting William's face, she had almost gone mad, gone to bedlam she set out on a journey to burn his image into her infallible mind. Traveling the world with whatever little she had to remind her of him, she practiced all forms of meditation. She met all of the prominent minds on the subject of memory and retrieving those previously lost. She wanted to keep William, she wanted to keep her father and she wanted to keep Marie. But she had Marie to look upon, when her William was taken from her all she had were the few items she was able to salvage. A few journals, a pen and letters that she wrote him during his time at school. He had kept them all; every single one was packaged carefully in a box by his bed, tight in a ribbon that had once been hers.

Isabella loved this man, even after her transformation the memory of him haunted her, even as his face faded into the background. His exotic face that was a gift compared to all the soft looks men had in her time. William's features were sharper, a hint of aristocratic blood, in his straight nose and shape of his cheek bones, but his gypsy blood, gave him tanned skin, the shape of his eyes and the fullness of his lips. Those lips that overtime had kissed her hurts away then ignite a delicious pain that only his lips could not only cause but soothe.

Bella sat at the edge of the bed holding his hand and feeling power radiate from him; the rawness of him attracted her senses to the point of madness. She held onto her sanity by a thread that was stretched to its limit, closing her eyes she took unnecessary breaths to calm herself. His scent was changing becoming more pronounced, he smelled of sensuality, all male, sandalwood, almonds and amber. A sensual, nutty yet wonderfully light aroma that filled her senses, he was changing to attract, to seduce and it was bringing her nature to the surface, her fangs demanded release. Opening her mouth she tasted him in the air around her, her eyes darkened with need so strong it staggered her.

Edward was in a sea of her, never had he smelled anything as sweet yet earthy, like wild berries freshly picked and mouthwatering, he kept swimming in her scent and as consciousness fought to take hold he fought to hold on to his sea of her. "Bella" his whisper was like a prayer sent to the winds in hopes of conquering her.

"I'm right here love." She whispered lowering her mouth to his ear. The heat from his body intoxicated her and she tried to put space between them but his hand flashed grabbing her, incredible speed guided his movements as he maneuvered her underneath his body. Like a predator ready to devour it pray his head shot up as he inhaled her arousal. Edward was unaware of his actions and she melted in his arms, submission that she believed herself incapable of gripped her now.

"Edward please." Isabella beg unsure of the reason for her plead. Edward lowered his head and buried his face in her hair inhaling slowly travelling down to her neck. His fangs released and pierced his lower lip and because the surprise of it he jump off her lading perfectly in front of the bed.

"What is happening to me?" He asked his red eyes ablaze, than he sniffed the air again and the call of her blood downed his question.

"Why do you smell so… enticing. " Edward asked moving forward again, sniffing her. "I can't get enough. Why do I want to…?" He didn't get to finish his sentence because Bella had him pinned underneath her own body.

"Please listen to me." Bella's words were short and almost forced; she needed to calm her body. She needed distance from him, but unable to stay away from him.

"Let's have a run; it would do us good to get some fresh air." Then slowly she got up, as if not to startle him and walked over to the large window and jumped.

At first Edward's reaction was fear but his body, knowing better than him, allowed him to hit the ground running. Bella had taken off in a run directly when she hit the ground, Edward followed as if possessed. His blood pumped and he felt it heard it and instead of scaring the hell out of him it was as if he was living a vivid and exciting hallucination. Suddenly he stopped when his eyes focused on a tree but what surprised him was not just the small creatures he was able to now see but the fact that he could hear the scurrying away. As if terrified of him, this was the first time he stopped and reasoned that this was the most incredible dream he had ever had.

Suddenly he felt danger. But that was not possible now that he could feel it, so strongly that when he turned his fangs descended and he hissed at his companion. Bella had come back and was walking slowly towards him, her movements careful.

"Don't be frightened." She spoke her voice he realized was different, he could hear the nervousness in it and he tried to smile at her, automatically his hands flew to his fangs, with nervous fingers he explored them and with wide eyes he asked.

"Am I like you now?" His voice barely a whisper but the hopefulness in it was staggering. Bella shook her head sadly and smiled.

"No. Not really. Umm I fed you some of my blood and now for a while you will be a little like me. I'm not sure actually, Carlisle is going to do some test to find out." She knew that her voice sounded fake and not part of her. She wanted to sound reassuring but the future was very much a blurry and scary thing to face.

"You don't want me to be like you?" He asked his quick eyes examining her.

"I don't think this is a life for you. I believe you should live as you were intended to live. Our world should not have touched you." Bella said her voice full of sadness.

"This is very different and to be honest, I do not know how I feel. Everything is too overwhelming, it is hard to concentrate." Edward's gazed over his surroundings but his eyes always landed back on her.

"It's a little overwhelming at first and honestly I am surprise that you are as calm as you are." Bella's kept her eyes focused on his every movement.

"Well my Grams, had just recently told me an unbelievable story of how my grandfather was a werewolf and that we have gypsy blood on her side. I didn't understand before. Just walked out of the house...She said 'Edward magic is part of you and soon you will see.' I know you. You know, for a very long time. I've remembered you. You loved to read in the kitchen with Marie and I loved watching you. I loved you so much from the time I became aware of girls. You were like a doll. But you ran around with no restrain, when Charles would leave on a business trip it was left to me to protect you... Why can I remember you?" Edward was talking as if in a trance, everything spilling forward. His memories were always of her.

"Edward how long have you had these memories?" Bella asked carefully holding her own shock back.

"Always; when I sleep I remember you. My whole life I have known you. I know everything about you." His eyes suddenly focused on her and she understood the meaning of his words.

"You're whole life?" Bella asked her body moving forward automatically and as if magnets his moved closer to her.

"Every day, when I was a child my mother told me you were an imaginary friend. Then as I grew older and didn't let you go Grams told me that I was reliving memories; Memories of you."

Please Comment Please


	13. First Moon (Nessie and Jake)

**Author's Note:** Hey Guys here it is Jacob and Nessie's little journey to Mate hood... I have also added a little of Grams and Adam's story. I added Adam because it would be kind of creepy if Jacob and Nessie shared the same grans father. They are distant cousins but not related by blood completely. Nessie has Quileute blood but only on her great grandmother's side. Jane's character was the one that provided me with the most material, so it ended up being very different than I originally planned. Please review... They next phase will be posted under Chapter 15.5 and it will be under Jake's POV.

**Songs: **Don't You Dare by: Alexz Johnson

How Do I Live Without You by: LeAnn Rimes

**Chapter 11.5: **"**When a Boy Wolf loves, a Human Girl very much (First Moon/New Moon)"**

The legend of Jacob's tribe has been kept by the Quileute before time was kept in calendars. The history of this powerful tribe has been legendary before the pale faces came across the ocean and things changed. Most of it is kept in secret because the world of the white man and would never understand the magic or mysticism that exists within those who share their blood or the unbreakable connection they have to their land. Legend says that the white man once pushed them out of LA Push and told them to take to the woods, but the land began to die within months and the earth began to spill from its depths until the Quileute were given their land back. This of course you will not find in the history books but the Quileute's taught each generation of their heritage and even the other history books say.

Jacob had been teaching Reneesme about their shared history since she was very young, because unlike her, he has always understood that she was his. Mates to those that possess Quileute blood are known from the moment that they lay eyes on each other and the mark is visible to all of those who possess the ability to transform. That is the reason why Jacob had always known that she was his.

"Look here, open your mind and see." Once he explained showing Reneesme his mark and showing her, the one upon her own body. Renesmee gasped and stared at the intricate little mark that appeared on her left hand, that traveled directly to her heart and there it formed Jacob's wolf. The mark appeared like vines that attached her to him; her claim on him was the image of a bear. The design was unique to each couple and theirs looked like a combination of a bear and a wolf, because of their respective blood lines.

As he explained, Adam Black was an orphaned, son of a Quileute woman. Who married a man from an old and once powerful tribe that had been dispersed and settled in Arizona, during the initial migration of the Native American Nations. Back then each tribe was considered its own nation and her grandfather was part of the Bear nation. In the 1940's Adam's mother was forced to come back to her own tribe when her husband was killed in Arizona, by a drunken man who claimed that his father had stolen from him. His mother had arrived with her infant in her arms and she died shortly after. Her grief was too much to bear and once her cousin had taken the child, she begged that he adopt him, passing away within days of her arrival.

"What a sad story." Renesmee commented quietly.

"Grandfather has always said that all things bring us to the place we belong. I do not see sadness in their story and neither did your grandfather. He did lose his parents, but in his mind he was given another family, a pair of parents that loved him as if he was their own and a set of siblings. My grandfather and your grandfather loved one another greatly and Jane was the only riff between them."

"My Grams?" Renesmee asked wide eyed.

"Yes my grandfather wanted her for himself; he could sense the powerful blood within her. You see we survive because our wolf chooses the most powerful mate possible. It is instinctual and it is our nature, because of the wolf we mate for life. We are interconnected with our mate; our souls are mated before time was time. And lifetime, after lifetime our souls are always connected. One afternoon my granddad noticed her on the beach in La Push and he wanted to introduce himself to her, because he was convinced once they saw each other the mark would appear. But unfortunately your grams met Adam first and once their eyes met, they were marked for one another. This also made Adam our chief because her powerful magics mixed with his made his wolf the most powerful. My grandpa was not pleased because our line had always produced the next chieftain, because he was the first born of the first born and Adam was a mixed blood and the first son of the last daughter of the second son.

Once you are mated, there are rituals that follow. You and I have been marked since you were six months and I was 3 years old, when I first laid eyes on you my wolf had already recognized you. That is considered the new moon; our first moon is the moment of recognition. I felt it and although I could not yet understand it, in compelled to protect you, to love you and to worship you. My wolf has always been yours. The female holds the power in our mating, only if the female accepts her male can the mating be completed. If I am unable to claim you upon your eighteenth birthday, if you do not accept me, my wolf will have to wait for you until your next reincarnation. My life is elongated because of my wolf and it will last the span of three to nine human life times, if my mate chooses she can also share this with me.

Mates can choose to link their life forces, we become one, my strength, becomes your strength and you can even take your own form.

If the mates meet later in life the man has a span of a month to claim his mate, this is due to the influence of the moon on our powers. The younger mates meet the easier it is on the male, we have more time." Jacob was blushing profusely at his explanation.

"How do you claim me?" Renesmee asked knowing well what he meant.

"I havvveee to… you know…with you." Jacob answered embarrassed; Nessie realized for the first time that Jacob was inexperienced.

"Are you a virgin Jacob Black?" Nessie asked playfully.

"Of course." He answered defensibly. "I am a married man, I belong to you, and how I could be with someone else when I already knew who I belong to." Jacob's words were harsh and grumpy but she could tell it was due to his embarrassment. This knowledge made her feel strong and highly possessive of this man.

"Jacob. I have never been with anyone else. Justin from English class kissed me last year but it felt…" Her voice trailed off when she saw Jacob's eyes changing, and the faint outline of his fangs descending.

"I am going to rip him in two." Jake's animal was taking over but a hand on his arm from her was enough to calm him.

"Jake you can't kill every boy that looks my way." Nessie said feeling empowered by this powerful man who calmed just by her hand on his arm.

That familiar possessiveness took over and she pulled him in for a kiss. A low menacing growl came from Jacob's animal and it stirred something in her. Without a thought she buried her nails into his shoulder and bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. This seemed to make him crazed because one moment they were sitting on a bench in the secluded part of the park to Renesmee on her back with Jake, nestled between her thighs.

Jake's mind was filled her, he could scent her excitement and her fear and his animal stirred. The need to claim her was becoming too hard to control, his animal needed satisfaction, it needed to mark her, to walk proudly knowing that his mate was secure. However that bit of fear that he scented always held the man and the animal at bay. Because to both the female was too precious, too valuable to hurt, the instinct was to protect even when it meant self-denial. Slowly he extricated himself from her, quickly and agilely jumping to his feet, gently helping her up to sit back on to the bench. Jake did not sit his body was too stimulated, he paced, his knuckles white with his tension. It took him a moment to calm himself enough to speak.

"I should take you home, it's getting late and I need to patrol." His voice was strained and it sounded a little angry.

Nessie found herself feeling insecure again, why was he always behaving so amazingly one minute than strained the next. On the ride home Jake barely spoke to her and when she went to give him a kiss goodnight his subtle flinch hurt more than she could put into words.

"Goodnight, will you come back tomorrow?" Nessie asked and Jake gave her his daily reply.

"I don't know, with the Vampires in town, we have to stay alert." When she looked back at him, he looked like he wanted to say something but just looked away and when she stepped away from the car, he took off.

The tears began to fall without her control, what was happening with him; he seemed like two completely different people. One moment he was calm, playful, sweet considerate and then he was distant and almost cold.

"Nessie, come in from the rain." Grams called from living room window.

Feeling desolate now that she was without Jacob, she felt Edward's absence keenly; she wished that she could reach out to him and have him talk to Jake. The rain had begun and she had not notice it at all, too preoccupied with her concern for Edward and Jacob's behavior. She walked into the house head bowed, and tried to get to the stairs at quickly as she could when Grams pocked her head out of the kitchen.

"In here, young lady." Grams voice was stern but she could hear the soothing quality of it. Grams understood like no one else when someone needed consolation. When she walked into the kitchen Grams, pointed to one of the chairs in front of the small table and set a cup of hot coco before her. This made Nessie cry, because this action always brought back memories of her own mother and her coco ritual. This ritual was an oversized cup of hot coco with too many marshmallows.

"There, there." Grams said in her soothing voice. "Tell Grams what is worrying you so much I felt it all day." Grams reached across the table and took her hand in to hers.

"I don't know how to. Jake and I are getting along well one minute and if we kiss or touch, he becomes cold almost distant." Renesmee's face was red with her embarrassment, nevertheless she knew her Grams well enough to know she could tell her anything.

"Oh." Was all the Grams could say and Nessie looked up to see her face. Her Grandma's face was a mixture of amusement, embarrassment, longing and even a bit of sadness. So many emotions played through her face that it was hard to keep on with them.

"Grams, what is it?" Nessie said getting up and sitting closer to her Grams.

"When is your birthday Nessie?" Grams asked taking her hands into her own.

"Well it's a couple of months away. Why?" Nessie was truly confused.

"Nessie has Jake explained to you how the moon affects his moods and how long you guys have until he must claim you?" Grams voice was motherly and full of understanding, still Nessie's face turned beet red and her voice was so quiet it was barely a whisper when she answered.

"He said he could wait, I told him I was not ready yet." Her neck was starting to appear as read as her face.

"Nessie, Jake is probably having a hard time controlling his animal; he is more than a man. His instincts are stronger than on normal men. He is probably trying not to tackle you down, your grandfather and I had the same problem, but was more in tuned with his emotions. My empathic abilities helped us out a lot when it came to understanding one another." Grams took a deep breath before continuing her sentence.

"I felt the burst of joy his inner animal felt when he first laid eyes on me. It was like a whole world of love burst inside of him and his chest was too small to contain it. I had never experienced anything like it. He claimed me within a week because I understood his devotion to me. Jacob's probably feeling the same way, the connection that mates share can be a little overwhelming." She lifted Nessie's face gently to look her in the eye.

"I am so sorry that, I didn't allow you to know about this part of yourself; it's that when Adam died, I knew I had to continue living for my child. Then when your parents died, I had to live for you guys. But entering the Quileute land was too painful for me and talking about the mating process was too much. I am so sorry little one." Grams took Nessie into her arms and held her tight to her chest.

"Grams when I am with Jacob, my heart feels too tight and I am so terrified of how much I need him. When I think of giving myself to him, I feel so much I get scared, because Jake can destroy me. It scares me Grams." Nessie was sobbing in earnest now against her Grams shirt.

"Nessie, listen to me Jacob would rather rip out his own heart than bruise yours. Having a wolf for a lover is a gift. They are faithful, caring, given and they live for the happiness of their mate." Grams eyes filled with grief and for the first time Renesmee understood the magnitude of her Gram's pain.

"Grams, I am so sorry. I had no idea that you hurt so much." Nessie cried tears for her grandmother's pain and for the first time in her entire existence she saw her Grandmother's eyes filled with tears and a broken sob came from her.

"He died for me. I only had him for a few years, we married quickly and my parents understood. Our Romany heritage has always helped us maintain our minds open, they welcomed him open arms. When the town turned on me for it, they stood by me. We married the summer of 1963 and our child was born that fall. For seven years we were very happy, we lived in the border between La Push and forks because we wanted our children to experience both worlds. Back then there was a lot of uproar about equality and human rights, but to us it was simple we belonged together and that was it." Grams voice was so wishful, that when it changed Nessie could hear the pain in it as she spoke.

"One day I was playing with your father outside of the house after dark, when someone attacked us. At first I could not understand what happened, one moment I was pitching a ball to your father and the next I was pinned down by a woman. The first thing I remember was that I noticed how eerie her red eyes were, she was trying to tear me apart, her mouth opened and her eyes were almost desperate. I tried to yell at your father to run but he had already turned and was growling furiously at her, but he was only a pup and she hit him so hard he lost control of his shape, breaking four of his ribs. I screamed for her to leave him alone but he was bleeding and the blood called to her.

I ran towards her but she had hurled him so far away, I grabbed rocks from the backyard and I hurled them at her, but she was intent on biting him. Then Adam showed, in the form of his beautiful Gray wolf, his bright blue irises briefly flicker over to me and then he attacked. At first it looked like he was winning until the young woman got her hands around his torso and…and I can hear it, the way she broke him, she broke him, and I was so helpless because I never learned to turn. Adam turned human before my eyes and I was frozen in place, I didn't move, I couldn't. I just saw the blood gushing from his lips, his eyes were almost hollow. Suddenly another woman showed up, her eyes unlike the one that came before her were a dark black, she looked directly at me and I saw the apology in her eyes. Then she attacked so fast it was like lightning, she ripped out the girls head so quickly it was a blur.

I ran to Adam when I finally got the feeling in my legs back, he just laid there his eyes never leaving mine. 'Is Eddy alive?' he asked. I could tell he struggled to get the words out. I could tell that Edward was already healing and I nodded to him. I couldn't trust my voice, because it took all I had not to scream or sob uncontrollably. 'I am sorry.' Adam said and then I felt how broken he was, in my own body, I could see him fading. His life force was living him, the agony I felt threatened to rip me into pieces and in that moment I wanted to die with him.

'Mommy.' Edward's voice gave me strength, the woman that had come had carried him over to us and he laid his head on knees to face his dad, 'Daddy, are you gonna heal like me." Edward asked him, but I could tell he knew that his father was not going to bounce back from this. 'I'm so… sorry Eddy. You must be the man of the house now." Edward was such a brave boy, he promised to be strong, he promised to be a good boy and he promised to protect me always.

Grams voice was distant as if she was reliving that moment when her husband died right in front of her. Nessie held her hand and she quietly heard her Grams recount the horrific day of her beloved husband's death.

"Adam looked at me, as if he was memorizing me, because he knew we were not going to see each other for a long time. 'Janey, I have always loved you, you have made me happier than I have any right to be. Kiss me one more time.' When I kissed him I could feel how cold he was. 'I don't know if I can survive this. Please don't leave me.' I knew how irrational it was for me to ask him such a thing, he only had a little time and I was wasting it by asking the impossible. But the idea that I would wake up and he would not be next to me, it was unbearable, unthinkable; it was too much, only Edward's little sobs kept me from tearing my hair out. Adam was so brave my mate showed me his beautiful smile, his teeth stained by his blood. 'Janey you can't escape me, we'll be together again in another lifetime.' With that he left, his eyes still open, but his light was gone. He was no longer in his body and when Edward raised his face to the sky and howled, I could hear all of La Push howl in pain. Ephraim entered our clearing than his wolf trashed and he hit his body against the trees. His pain was so great, his howling didn't end even as his body became human."

Grams explained that he was in Port Angeles and Adam had showed him everything telepathically, that was one of the reasons that the negotiations happened with the Pale faces and the Quileute's. Bella had saved Edward and Grams, for that the clan allowed them to move into forks and formed the treaty.

"Bella saved my dad?" Nessie asked surprise.

"No, Nessie she saved all of us." Grams had just finished saying that when Quil entered the house.

"Come now, Edward is hurt, the Vampire Bella just brought him. They are at the Swan residence."


End file.
